Trusting your S/O

[jmmm]

There are many posts about signs of cheating including the ones I posted. I was wondering about what are the signs you can truly trust someone. Is it easy for you trust someone or is it something that has to be earned first. Do you give them 100% of your trust until proven wrong? Despite this, I feel everyone lies whether it would be friends or b/f and g/f and feel it is naive to believe 2 people can be or will be 100% honest with one another all the time. For example--white lies happen every day. Is that something you know and tolerate and just accept that everyone does it? If a S/o got caught in a lie-would you be able to forgive depending on what it was? My s/o got caught twice in a lie and one he doesnt know about. He says it was to avoid me getting jealous and an argument--would you tolerate that if you believe it wasn't something mailicious done. I think a lot of couples lie just to avoid an argument(big or small) or have their b/f or g/f get angry over something that isn't necessary. What point do the lies become too big? Do you think white lies just lead to bigger ones? And--do lies like this mean they aren't trustworthy or is it more to it than that?

[MadDog]

I always give my complete trust to a girl I'm with unless she starts giving me reason not to trust her. Chances are, if I found her cool enough to be in a relationship with, she's going to be a trustworthy person.

 

I'm a person who wants 100% openness and honesty in a relationship so I don't believe in white lies. I want to be with a girl who would feel like they could trust me and tell me everything without being judged by me. I'd also want to be able to tell her anything. Unfortunately, I've yet to find a girl like that. The ones I've been with so far gave me s*** whenever I told them something they didn't like instead of handling it like a mature adult. I guess that's why I'm single now.

[courtneylove51]

Most of the trust/mistrust is base on our own past relationships. I have been with my BF for 9months now and doubt him sometimes. I let him know a while ago that I trust him and hope we respects me enough to be honest with me about things. And he is. I don't always like what he says about what goes on when he and his friends go out, or his opinion when I ask for it but, love the honesty of it.

[LoosScroo]

Trust exists in relationships only because of a mutual agreement to not hurt the other person because you care about them. Along these lines, the strength of said trust depends on how much the person cares about the other. That being said, it seems like the times you've caught your s/o in a lie or two that might raise a few red flags. I agree that, to some extent, people do often lie for whatever reason early on in relationships. However, I see this as nothing but insecurity showing its ugly head. This will (hopefully) vanish as the relationship develops and strengthens, but if it keeps happening you may want to ask your partner what the deal is. I would be willing to bet that they have some baggage you don't know about, and if you care about them, you'll of course want to know about that.

 

As always, it depends on what you expect from your partner and when you're willing to deal with. This varies QUITE a bit from person to person, so I don't think I could tell you at what point a lie is "too big". In my book, a lie is a lie and "degrees" of lies are only established in one specific person's mind.

 

Also, don't forget that if someone tells a white lie to you and you never find out, in essence they never told the lie... sometimes that's for the best (as hard as that may be to believe).

[ehead]

These are good questions to think about. People lie for many reasons. Some lie to make their lives look more interesting. Others lie to avoid conflict, or to influence how you feel or perceive them. Some lie to avoid consequences. For example, if someone has stepped outside the perceived bounds of a relationship for whatever reason, they will frequently lie about it to their SO to maintain the status quo. I believe it is the rare person who will NOT lie in such situations. This is particularly true as the stakes are raised, that is, as the transgression becomes more and more unforgiveable. People who are normally very honest will have a hard time being honest when the repurcussions are so dire. Because of this, I think even more important than honesty is the more general idea of "trust". Can you trust this person NOT to hurt you ? Do they seem like the kind of person that would engage in behaviors behind your back that you would find hurtful ?