my sister is an idiot...

[LisoPiso]

Ugh, I am so frustrated right now, you've got absolutely no idea!!

 

Current living position, I'm living with my sister and brother-in-law while going fulltime to school and working part time. I don't have enough time to work fulltime, nor do i have enough money to live on my own.

 

My parents made a deal with my sister that i'll live here for the 2 years while i'm in school and my parents will pay a portion of their mortgage on their first house. So, I will have no living expenses, other than keeping up the maintenance on my car, insurance, and my phone bill.

 

Things didn't seem too bad at first, we got a long. Had no issues. I've lived with others before and there has been absolutely no problems.

 

Recently, she's been on some power trip. I'm a busy girl. I'm not here very often. I sleep, occassionally eat here, do laundry and some homework. I clean up after myself, and generally don't make too much of a mess.

 

It all started last night, I came home from work at 5ish. I was hungry as hell, I asked my sister what they were planning on having for dinner. Chicken, but it was still frozen. I opted for a tuna sandwich :drool:, since the chicken had to thaw out, prepared and cooked. probably wouldn't be ready until about 7-7:30. Alison, my sister, flipped. She claims i'm wasteful, and greedy. I don't think of anyone but myself... I was hungry, hadn't eaten all day :S!! I explained this and she told me to shut up, she didn't want to hear me talking anymore.

 

whatever.. i ate, went to take a nap, i didn't come downstairs for the majority of the night.

 

Today..

 

I get home from school, ate the chicken she made me yesterday (she claims i never eat leftovers...) with some minute rice. and i asked her if she was still pissed off at me cuz she didn't even say hi or anything. she started bitching again. complained about how much my parents had given her in RENT only. and i'm now expected to buy all my own food.. but unfortunately, there's not enough fridge or cupboard space, so i'll have to find my own way around that too.

 

I've got no issues with preparing my own food. but really.. no place to put it?! my bedroom barely fits my queen sized bed. I"m tempted to move out, unfortunately, i live in southern ontario. a rather expensive place to live, and i don't have a full time job. I'm pretty sure that my parents paid my sister upfront for my rent money, 2 years in advance. I can collect a bunch of that back, if she's willing to give it back.

 

i really do appreciate them giving me a place to live, and i think she's flown off the handle with this.

 

I'm not sure what I should do. I don't mind moving out, but the money situation will definitely suck ass!!

 

Any thoughts, opinions, advice??

[tinktronik]

Sounds like this is a deal your parents worked , so call them . Let them know what is going on since it was their arrangement. It sounds as if now that your sis' got her part of the bargain taken care of she's trying to get rid of you. Let your folks know.

[michelangelo]

Get a full time job, move out, pay your own way. Take a little longer to get a degree.

 

I worked 40 hours a week while attending college full time. It can be done.

 

Whatever is going on between you and your sister is not just about who was going to cook the chicken after a long day (I suspect she had one too).

 

Maybe a part of the agreement was you participating in family life or cleaning, etc. yeah, I know, you are barely there.

 

I have a college kid who is barely here and manages to eat and use things here that cost money.

[tinktronik]

Get a full time job, move out, pay your own way. Take a little longer to get a degree.

 

I worked 40 hours a week while attending college full time. It can be done.

 

Whatever is going on between you and your sister is not just about who was going to cook the chicken after a long day (I suspect she had one too).

 

Maybe a part of the agreement was you participating in family life or cleaning, etc. yeah, I know, you are barely there.

 

I have a college kid who is barely here and manages to eat and use things here that cost money.

 

Her parents have already paid her costs.And why should she take longer to finish college ,because her sister took a deal and is now trying to back out of it?

[Guest]

My brother in law lives with me and my husband and kids...he has for the past year. And just like your situation, at first we all got along. He works full time nights and sleeps during the day, so just like you, he's not around too much.

 

Just speaking from the other side of the situation, maybe your sister feels like she doesn't have any alone time anymore. Maybe she feels like her house is too crowded. The only way to find out is to ask what is really going on...maybe she has work issues or home issues or money problems...Maybe she felt put on the spot by your parents even asking if you could move in. Maybe the money that your parents paid her isn't enough to cover the expenses of another person living in the home. Food, water, electricity, etc. all add up. Not to mention, it's a pretty big deal to bring someone into your home, it changes all your routines. I didn't realize how much my family dynamic would change, maybe your sister didn't either.

I'm sure you're not like this, but my damn bil thought that anything we had was there for him to use...including my razor, toiletries, and other incidentals.

 

That being said, if your sister said that she would take you in, she should do so...and if she wants you to buy and prepare your own food, she should give you a place to put it. I think you guys need to find out what eachother's expectations are and then maybe you can work something out. I would also talk to my parents...did the agreement include all food and expenses?

[michelangelo]

I am sure that if you had it in writing, the exaqct details of the deal, this would all make sense.

 

I am also sure that what you think the deal is, your parents think the deal is, and what your sister thinks the deal is are three different things.

 

There's room and board, then there are practical considerations.

 

Housecleaning. Were you expected to pitch in or do you expect your sister to clean up after you?

 

Were you expected to do anything? Babysitting? Buying of groceries?

 

How much was your sister promised by your parents in trade for this deal? Was she actually paid?

 

Do you really eat more than you think you do?

 

Do you regularly expect your sister to just cook for you?

 

Do you ever cook for her and the rest of the house?

 

Laundry? Are you in teh bathroom when she wants in there?

 

There is a lot more going on here than how you presented it is my basic premise.

 

So if you want to be free of entanglements, familial soap operas I was suggesting you work full time and deal with paying for room and board and all your expenses out of your own pocket.

 

And if it lengthens your time in school, so be it.

[neek]

Yes, definitely sit down with your sister, brother-in-law, and parents TOGETHER (as in all in the same room at the same time) and find out exactly what the expectations are...having it in writing and signed would definitely help and everyone should keep a copy (just to avoid any Judge Judy type confrontations). Find out what your parents paid her, if it's all paid, and bust out the calculator and figure out what money you are responsible for.

 

I for one don't think you should have to start going to school part time and only working full time...it's only going to delay how long it will take you to get out into the working world in your field of study. Which, may not bother your sister, but I know the "UGH, how much more school?" feeling, and certainly if she AGREED to do this for you she should stick to her word. Maybe she didn't forsee things being the way they are or having whatever problems with the set up that she has, but that's something she has to deal with as it comes. If she was uncomfortable with the deal from the get-go then she shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place.

 

True, she is doing you a huge favor, and you should let her know how much you appreciate it. And maybe when you're more financially stable and graduated and moved out you can find some nice ways to thank her. Now too, anything little you can do to show your thanks I'm sure would be appreciated. It sounds like she's stressed (and you too) but hopefully she can get some gratification from helping out a loved one in a time of need. You just all need to be understanding of each other and respectful. That BS about her telling you to buy all your own food and stuff but not giving you a place to put it is...well...stupid BS!! I mean, duh. Where does she want you to put it, under the couch? In the bathroom? On the roof? Anyway, good luck to you.

[HokeyReligions]

Maybe she is just stressed and PMSing. You are all bound to get on each others nerves sometimes.

 

Why not just ask her and her husband to sit down with you and be open and honest and set or adjust some ground rules. What do you expect of them, what do they expect of you - that sort of thing.

 

Was part of the bargain that they cover food costs too? Other living costs may end up being more than the rent and no one realized that.

 

I'm sure they are stressed too with someone else living in the house - even if you are not there that much, it is a loss of privacy for them as well as you.

 

Do you have any friends that you could spend a weekend with and give your sister and BIL a weekend to themselves? That would probably be beneficial for all of you.

 

Make some compromises - if food is not an issue, ask for a shelf in the 'fridge. Or maybe get one of those little refrigerators for your own use and find a place in your room for it or some place elsewhere in the house. Can your queen size bed be put in storage - or sell it and buy a new one when you graduate and move out and get a small bed (maybe a day bed) to sleep on while you are there and that will give you more space in your room.

 

Find some compromises to make this work for all of you.