Author ali0812 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 Yea that is true... I am praying that my guy is not one of most guys who would just cheat like that if he has a chance... even though I think what he did was cheating in a way. Maybe he learned his lesson! Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 I think the way he reacted to you leaving shows that he learned a lesson...he needed a wake up call! and you gave it to him. in your case, i think he really does care for you and won't cheat again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 I really hope you are right!! I think so, but I guess because he did it once, I will probably worry about it for a while... And thats why it bothers me if hes looking at these naked chicks, hahah. But i am sure i will get over that one too.... Link to post Share on other sites
X3Tina Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 wow, as far as the internet thing goes, i know exactly what you mean...i seriously thought that my bf was like the only guy out there that did that crap..anyway, if ya ever need someone to talk to or vent...you should get ahold of me....i have noticed a pattern on these boards...the women bend over backwards...example: pay for all his needs, and wants..and still get sh*tted on... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 So most men if they found someone more attractive would cheat if they were given the chance??? I dont know how I will ever trust any guy!! First of all, just because he looks doesn't mean that he will cheat. I don't necessarily believe either that once a cheater always a cheater, because I cheated in the past but would never ever do it again. When you're talking about looking at women in porn or on TV etc. Basically, even if he was interested in them, do you actually think someone like that might be interested in him? I mean what are the chances of him running into say Carmen Electra and she says, "Take me, I can't stand it?" Guys biologically like to look at nice looking women- they are visual. Heck, I'm a woman and I like to look at nice looking people, men and women- doesn't mean that I'm gay! Part of what I dislike about this guy is all the awful things he said about you, while you were busting your tail to pay the bills. Not only the cheating but the bashing of you and the lies about everything. It's great that he's owed up to what he did wrong and is trying to reform. Perhaps he will. But you definitely have some issues going on where you think this is something that you did that caused this- it's not. It was something going on with him which really had very little to do with what you did for him or didn't do for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 I'm still floored you even took him back!! :eek: Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 wow, as far as the internet thing goes, i know exactly what you mean...i seriously thought that my bf was like the only guy out there that did that crap..anyway, if ya ever need someone to talk to or vent...you should get ahold of me....i have noticed a pattern on these boards...the women bend over backwards...example: pay for all his needs, and wants..and still get sh*tted on... nope hes definitely not the only one!! this crap sucks and now I worry about what will happen in the future.... did the same thing happen to you? why cant guys just be happy with the one they have?? and if they arent then say so!!! I really dont understand why they have to put someone through so much pain if they love them. why look anywhere else if you have someone you care about. For me, I relaly believe that if you are completely satisfied you wont need to go looking. But maybe guys arent like that... maybe they will always wonder if they can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I really dont understand why they have to put someone through so much pain if they love them. why look anywhere else if you have someone you care about. For me, I relaly believe that if you are completely satisfied you wont need to go looking. But maybe guys arent like that... maybe they will always wonder if they can do better. Because they love themselves more at the time of the affair. It doesn't mean he didn't care about you- only that at the time he wasn't thinking about your feelings- he was thinking about what he wanted more. Guy are visual as I said before. Doesn't mean they are not satisfied in their relationship- it just means they are stimulated in some part of their brain by nice looking women. Lots of people will stay in relationships where they "care" about that person but that person is not their soulmate. They enjoy the person, like to spend time with them, or whatever but perhaps the person is not just exactly what they want. I don't think it has to do with the other person being better. It has to do with the other person being that person's perfect fit. That is why relationships begin and end and people break up and divorce and grow apart. All part of life. My personal opinion is that when you're dating someone or engaged or living together or even married for a short period of time and someone cheats on you- then you should definitely get out while you can. I can understand a bit more how people cheat in a long term marriage of 10 years or more because things can happen but in just dating or early marriage?? That is wayyyy before the trials and tribulations that can come your way. You need to value yourself more sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 I really appreciate everything everyone has told me.... It has made me think a lot... I really need to fix myself and get my sefl esteem better... I am not sure how... but, I guess I need to focus on me more and stop worrying about what he is thinking etc. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Whenever you start to feel bad, remember that Halle Berry's husband cheated on her. HALLE BERRY. It truly has nothing to do with what you look like. Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley. Seriously. It is easier if we women don't depend on a man for our own self worth. Try to be happy honey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 It is easier if we women don't depend on a man for our own self worth. Try to be happy honey. i know, and i used to be like that, I never let my self esteem or self worth depend on someone else but somehow through all of this i lost that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pinkerton3 Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Honey your looks have nothing to do with this! Kick him to the curb forever, everyone and anyone deserves bettter than his crap! If you have enough respect for your self, you will know that you can find a wonderful relationship elsewhere , and that you deserve it!! Don't go back to him out of lonliness, or all the "good times" you used to have...people change, unfortunately. And it sounds like he has been living this double life since the begining. You working two jobs and "taking care" of him leads me to believe that you put others before yourself, which is a big sign of Low self esteem. Step outside of yourself and look at the situation, How can you EVER trust him? I have been in a similar situation in the past with a boyfriend, and Now I am married to a wonderful man that never makes me feel like he could be lying to me, and loves ONLY me! If he is the best boyfriend you have ever had, sometimes it may seem it's the best you can get....which is very common for someone with lower self esteem. I hope you can have faith in knowing there is MUCH better out there. When I went through it, after I "recovered" from all the hurt, I gained more self respect, courage, and had higher standards for myself and what I deserved, it changed my life forever. I think that God put this situation in my path to build me into a stronger person, and perhaps the same for you. Good luck and get rid of him!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 i know, and i used to be like that, I never let my self esteem or self worth depend on someone else but somehow through all of this i lost that. Start at square one then Try to do something nice for yourself every day. You now need to become your biggest priority. Don't depend on others to value yourself, do this on your own.... this way you will be reminded how important you are as an individual. WHEN a man is good to you, then you may want to reciprocate. Do not reinforce bad behavior with positive actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 Well when i left a year and a half ago i meant to leave for good... but i decided that he made a mistake and i would try to forgive him... since then as far as i know, and i have been sneaky just to try to make sure, he hasnt done anything. i mean nothing, he has been way better, and he owns his own business nowand works relaly hard and takes much better care of me. i guess i just still worry about it happening one day when i get comfortable again, and him checkin out all these girls doesnt make me feel better and makes me think he is still looking for someone else... Link to post Share on other sites
caeden Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Hey, Ali, guess what...men are easy to understand----you're just not going to like the basis of their species....sleepy, horny, hungry..... that's it. I've been with my husband almost 2 years; we've been married for 6 months. Last night before we went to make love, he's flipping through the channels, to help with the "stimulation." I was totally turned off because he needed additional stimulation, in addition to me. That really bothers me, but that is the way they are built. Look at Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston...beautiful women, but their men want to know what ELSE is out there. Women nest, Men hunt. It's a sad, sad reality, but in my case the alternative is not an option....too bad I'm hetero:laugh: I'm not into porn or things like that when it comes to our love making. I don't mind watching a movie with sexual content, but for me that's just part of the entertainment, not a supplement to my love life. I finally buckled and told him I would watch soft porn and he can get any kind of sex toys he likes----let's see what he brings home. I've always had a problem with the way men and women are, and how we really don't compliment eachother...ultimately.... if life gives you lemons, get some salt and tequila and invite me over! Link to post Share on other sites
caeden Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Ok... Can one woman here say that their man isn't into: looking at other women porn flirting or worse.... what do we need them for....? not the money...we have the ability to make it ourselves the only thing we need them for is children. We can go out and play the field just as well. We can keep in shape and be beautiful...and there's always plastic surgery.... Be strong. Take control of your own life. Women are the source of all power, beauty, and life..... Let's never forget that! Link to post Share on other sites
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