Second chances do happend!

[Ukwizard]

SECOND CHANCES HAPPEN!

 

Hey folks. Well Unfortunately the second chance wasnt with me but my ex girlfriends ex!

 

Before I met my girlfriend which was exactly this time in April of 2005. She had 2 ex boyfriends before me. The first man she was seeing played it `cool` with her, and didnt really bother to phone or text her. She she was constantly logging on her to see if she had recieved any emails from him, and checking her mobile phone. She could not organise a night out with her friends or with him as she only knew at the last minute when arrangements would be made. She is separated and has 2 children and time spent with them revolves her 2 children. Back to the story. She got sick of trying to chase after him all the time and she snapped and told him to forget it. (remember this man as the `cool` guy).

 

She then met another man online and they went out for a few months and he had certain personal `issues`. (I dont know what they where as I never asked that much about my ex girlfriend`s ex boyfriends. I didnt think it was appropriate) They decided to split as the issues this guy had could not be resolved. (remember this man as the `issues` man)

 

This is where I come in. I met this woman March/April 2005. She became my girlfriend and got on together really well for the first 6 months. We emailed each other everyday and say each other when we had time. To cut a long story short, fast forward to Oct 2005 I was then dumped by email. Totally out of the blue!! We slept together the week before we split up. She gave no indication what was wrong or why she was feeling the way she was. We did have a talk in July 2005 when she was unhappy about our relationship.

 

I listened to what she said and changed according. Man, does a woman`s mind wander. She told me back then that we didnt talk and even asked if it was the sex!? She also mentioned we `dont talk like normal couples do` Anyway she gave to same old excuse of `its not you it me` and `I m not right for you just now`. The ex was signed of work for a few weeks and depression set in. We still talked to each other over the phone but it took me 4 months to find out what the problem in our relationship was. This was through light social chit chat and not begging and pleading. Basically she thought I wasnt really there for her, we only saw each other at the weekends. She dd mention I `redeemed` myself back in July after our chat.I cant remeber how as I was a bit drunk when I phoned her. Piece of advice. Please dont drunk text or drunk talk over the phoen as you may say or do something stupid. I m not going to do that again! (remember me as the ex)

 

Anyway during November and December she met another man! (might I add that she met him online 4 days after we split up!!!!)I know from sources that they did not get on well and they kept on arguing with each other. I know this is complicated but I will get to the second chance in a mo. (argumentative guy or rebound guy, call him what you like lol)

 

Back to the story. My ex had an argument with her ex husband. (now we are talking present time here) She was married for 14 years before she met `cool`, `issues` and her `ex`.... Her ex-husband called her a few names over the phone and she got upset so she texted `argumentative` guy for support. He didnt respond because he was watching a football match with his best mate. The ex girlfriend being needy texted back to `argumentative` guy the next morning saying she had `friends to help her through the bad times`. Well they never spoke again. Where was I....I hear you say? I had called her on that exact night and she never replied so I thought she was banging this other guy. I left a message on her answer phone and she replied 15 minutes later telling me what happened. We had been in touch by text during that time and 4 days later after she said she called me (she never did) So I called her. I have to say was the only time she had been OPEN to me. She told me how her life was crap and about the argument with her ex hubbie. (and here is the woman telling me we dont talk like normal couples! Yeah right!)

 

So here is where it happens. The ex girlfriend is SINGLE again. After dumping me and thinking THE GRASS IS GREENER with `argumentative` guy she is alone. `Argumentative` guy couldnt be bothered with her as she was too dependant on him. Now I know for a fact that she hates being alone.

 

And this is where the `cool` guy gets his second chance! She went back to the first guy she was seeing! I m not sure how my ex got back with him.

 

What I believe is CONTACT! Trust me. Thats what she doing with me. She must have kept in touch with him. There is no other way. Although we have split up we are in contact with one another. We still talk on the telephone, text and email each other.

 

I m not sure if this will ever happen but if I do keep limited contact and if the timing is right I may get back with my ex.(then again I may not) Dont get me wrong. I m also looking to do other things and also a new girlfriend.

 

Conclusion. Its all about patience. The first guy she met is now back with her after a year!

[CaliGuy]

My advice to you is be cool as well and FORGET HER.

 

She sounds like a head case.

[Ukwizard]

Cheers Caliguy for your opinion. I think she looks for constant companionship and love.

 

The story goes a lot more deeper than that.

 

I also played it `cool` but too cool. I didnt always phone her as much as I should have. Or been there when I should. Some women just need constant reassurance that you love them. I dont think this woman is a nutcase but perhaps not getting what she needs as a woman.........love and affection.

[CaliGuy]

Stop rationalizing for her, my friend.

 

She just wasn't right for you. It's ok. I've been there myself.

 

There will be others.

[riobikini]

UK...as you wish, I will certainly remember you as the 'ex'...(Smile)...but in the back of my mind I will really be thinking of you as the 'test case'...because I will be watching to see how you proceed with this....and where you wind up.

 

As for the following quote from you:

 

" I think she looks for constant companionship and love. "

 

For your sake, I hope you are right about following your heart with this...but my view -taken, of course- from the info given in your posts, is that she does seem to need constant companionship...but I'm not at all sure it's 'love' she's feeling...it appears more like she's in love with the idea of love, or some other emotion she associates with -and accepts- as love, instead.

 

But I hope I'm wrong.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[dr strangelove]

No one really knows what will happen, in the future.

 

About over a year ago I was at the top of my game, I had a girlfriend.

 

Go a bit forward, no girlfriend.

 

Get told by her I will never talk to you again.

 

Bit more I get robbed (didnt see that coming).

 

Xmas comes and the ex contacts me.

 

You know what to this day she still continues to contact me, one thing I do is let her contact me though.

 

I think that she somewhat keeps tabs on me, either by stalking or.. info from others..

 

If she contacts you.. great. But "cool" guy had her wondering..oh has he emailed me.. has he called?

Once you drop off she will probably begin to wonder.

 

Not bothering with someone or focusing on them is really tough. I mean its easy to say work hard, fix this fix that etc.. but it gets lonely going off and doing that. I know I been struggling with that for over a year now. I let everything go.. biz, body, etc.. Now still not getting anywhere with her im kind fed up and being pushed more to busy myself. I guess theres never been any threads really on how to motivate yourself to focus on things other then the breakup.

 

It sucks so much time is wasted contemplating someone that isnt even there.

[CaliGuy]

I guess theres never been any threads really on how to motivate yourself to focus on things other then the breakup.

 

Motivation comes from within when you have hit rock bottom and are tired of feeling like crap over someone who, speaking of dung, doesn't give a crap about you.

 

Every day you make a choice.

 

This will be a good day.

This will be a bad day.

 

I choose the former, every day. Even when bad news hits (like backing into a car out of a parking lot, which I did today. $1,500.00 out of my pocket but it's just money. I could be a lot worse off. Yeah, that incident was bad but overall I had a good day!)

 

I could get news that my ex is going to marry the new guy. SO WHAT?! Heh. The positive side of that news would be now she is HIS problem On top of that, any hope of a second chance would be dashed and you know, that ain't so bad. It would be the last bastion I'd easily overcome to be able to love someone else. And the bad experiences with her have given me the knowledge of what to do and not do and have success in the future withsomeone else.

 

All you ever need to be motivated to be happy and do better is inside you.

 

You can find it if you really want to.

[dr strangelove]

I choose the former, every day. Even when bad news hits (like backing into a car out of a parking lot, which I did today. $1,500.00 out of my pocket but it's just money. I could be a lot worse off. Yeah, that incident was bad but overall I had a good day!)

 

Hmm

 

That sucks. I ll not bother to mention my bad news stories.

 

The part you said about your ex being the other guys problem.. I wish!!

 

Last year in sept my ex said she met her SOULMATE now she is back messaging me..ha

 

Sometimes life is hard to deal with.. well most the time I wish I had the warm sanctuary of a girlfriends embrace. I got goretex not the same thing.. ;P

[CaliGuy]

All that means is we pick bad people for us.

 

We want them to work out, but we ignore the gut feelings proving time and time again this person is not for us.

 

We try and make square pegs fit in round holes.

 

We ignore logic.

 

And in the end, we wonder "what happened?!" Truthfully, we know what happened. We always do.

[riobikini]

RE:

 

Caliguy: " Truthfully, we know what happened. We always do."

 

"Ditto"!!!

 

Yes...we do.

 

-Rio

[CaliGuy]

RE:

 

 

 

"Ditto"!!!

 

Yes...we do.

 

-Rio

 

Here's a hug for you today, Rio

[riobikini]

Caliguy:

 

Got it!

 

Rebound right back atcha!

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

Thanks Caliguy for your input. I dont think that

She just wasn't right for you. It's ok. I've been there myself.

is quite right. I know that she had a few problems at work, and got signed off for 10 weeks. During that time she never let on how down she was.

 

Looking back she never let on or show how down and depressed she was. I did ask her if she was okay and she always replied `I m fine`. It wasnt until around 2 weeks ago when she had the argument with her ex hubby and argumentative guy did she actually tell me life was `crap!` She also never showed me how much she wanted to be with me but only after talking to her when I split up. She told me I was never there and that `we weren`t actually a couple`. She also mentioned that she was a `very needy` person. Funny that because she never pestered me or showed it but I know `cool` guy got upset with her over an email and she snapped back at him. `Argumentative` guy couldn`t be bothered with her.

 

The thing is that this woman is full of cotradictions. She even mentioned to me on one of our long conversations that she had `never taken someone back before`. Yet she has gone back to an ex of last year!

 

So Caliguy what I m saying here is she does not like confrontation. At work if she saw any sign of it, she would walk away. Its not that I was not right for her its because at that time when I was with her she did not like to ask. In fact she never asked for anything from me at all! So its the fact that trouble loomed before her and she could not tackle what was wrong with our relationship and simply walked away.

[Ukwizard]

Thanks Rio for your reply too.

 

but I'm not at all sure it's 'love' she's feeling...it appears more like she's in love with the idea of love, or some other emotion she associates with -and accepts- as love, instead.

 

Please can you explain that more to me. I know that when I first met this woman she was really into me. She liked for for who I was. I m the jokey fun guy too but I think she needed someone more in depth. She says I wasnt `that deep` with her. When she had the argument with the ex husband she texted `argumentative` guy.

 

I m sure like every woman out there, they are looking for support and comfort. If some cant find it they get all insecure. Like my ex, she is very insecure. However she is a very nice person, and everytime I call she will answer the phone, or if I text or email her she will always reply.

 

They thing is.....do I call her on Friday and keep it light and jokey or do I go real `deep` with her. I dont think I should because if I do she may dread picking up the phone. My younger brother always said to me `be yourself, and dont go the begging and pleading route. No one likes that`.

 

I m open to any suggestions.

[CaliGuy]

So Caliguy what I m saying here is she does not like confrontation. At work if she saw any sign of it, she would walk away. Its not that I was not right for her its because at that time when I was with her she did not like to ask. In fact she never asked for anything from me at all! So its the fact that trouble loomed before her and she could not tackle what was wrong with our relationship and simply walked away.

 

My ex is just like this. She would never talk about the issues that bothered her. She would internalize it, make up her mind and disappear silently, in the dark of night.

 

It's a sign that someone has deep rooted issues they need to deal with. We can not solve their problems for them. We can not "rescue" them. Any relationship based on rescuing someone will result in them leaving you when they are healed.

 

She doesn't communicate (just like my ex) and that's another issue. No communication in a relationship will just result in animosity, misunderstandings, innuendo and resentment.

 

What I am trying to say here is you are better off without her. I hope you can see that.

[Ukwizard]

Hey Caliguy. My ex is very similar to yours too. She bottles things up inside only to reappear its ugly head weeks or months later. (the problem and not the ex that is LOL) I m sure her inner demons caused us to split up.

 

She would internalize it, make up her mind and disappear silently, in the dark of night.

 

Absolutely right mate. She would internalise it and make up her mind. Her way and no other way. I m sure over time she will come round and think about what she has done. Another older female friend told me, its how we handle these splits that deter how we get back together. My older friend told me that my ex sounds confused and not sure what she wants. And to go with so many men in such a short period of time shows this. My friend advised me that sooner or later it will take one person to say that what she is doing `is unacceptable` but talking to her in a civilised way of course. I still speak to my ex and I m still on good terms with her. The last time I spoke to her was around 2 weeks ago on the phone so I ll call her on this Friday. (I m going to be cheery, funny basically how I was when I first met her). Her emails have pretty much dried up and are only down to 1 liners or even a paragraph if I guess she is in a good mood. I m lucky to say I `m still communicating to her so I consider the fact that I ve still got my foot in the door. She even emailed me to tell me her new email address.

 

No communication in a relationship will just result in animosity, misunderstandings, innuendo and resentment.

 

Agree again mate! The only thing that hacked me off. She did mention this too me about how we didnt talk. She never EVER in the entire time she was with me ever tell me what I did wrong. She mentioned in a email after we split up that she did not like to nag.

 

I maybe better off without her but that is the easy way out Caliguy. No relationship is easy. It takes a lot of emotional energy to make a relationship work. Unfortunately my ex may run away from problems when the tough gets going. Her history shows that. If another girl liked me for who I am then Yippe, I m all for it but I ve been alone long enough . I still want my ex back.

 

Speak to you in a mo mate. I better reply to Dr Strangelove

[CaliGuy]

I maybe better off without her

 

You were 100% correct here.

 

but that is the easy way out Caliguy. No relationship is easy. It takes a lot of emotional energy to make a relationship work.

 

Exactly and your ex isn't interested in "wading through the mud to get to the dry ground on the other side." In other words, she doesn't want to compromise or put in the effort to make a relationship work. What that should tell you is anytime the going gets tough, she'll get going.

 

Do you really want to spend your life with someone like that? I sure as hell don't.

 

Unfortunately my ex may run away from problems when the tough gets going. Her history shows that. If another girl liked me for who I am then Yippe, I m all for it but I ve been alone long enough.

 

Past performance is the only reliable indicator of future behavior. That's all you have to go on my friend. Now, knowing this, even if you got back with her, you will end up right back in the gutter unless she has an epiphony of sorts and comes correct. Not likely. Not for a very, very long time.

 

As for being alone, don't fret. Work on making yourself so happy that you're content with being single. Because if you can do that, you will surely be a confident, happy, fun person that someone else - the right woman - will fall in love with.

 

You can't make someone else happy if you can't make yourself happy (without needing someone).

 

I still want my ex back.

 

Yes, we all do. But I think we want the person we had hoped they would be come back, not the person they really are. At least it's that way in my case. If I had the choice to take my ex back as she is now or be alone, I'd choose to be alone. I'm happy right now and don't need the stress of dealing with a dysfunctional woman.

 

And neither do you.

[riobikini]

RE:

 

UK: " Thanks Rio for your reply too."

 

 

Quote:(Rio)

"...but I'm not at all sure it's 'love' she's feeling...it appears more like she's in love with the idea of love, or some other emotion she associates with -and accepts- as love, instead."

 

 

UK: "Please can you explain that more to me."

 

Fundamental to my own total well-being, I personally, yearn for a close loving relationship with another human being...-it doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic relationship, i.e. I can (do) love my children, my family, my friends.

 

That fills up the empty space that most of the people I have ever met, were born with, -a basic desire- the 'empty space' inside us that needs to be filled with a return of similar love emotion.

 

We don't always have access to the 'type' of relationship that is best or most appropriate to satisfy that basic desire...-and sometimes, we even grow up that way: without it.

 

Learning to love others in relationships other than the romantic kind, is essential for many reasons which are too complicated and lengthy to post in this site,-but mainly, in regards to the question you've asked, it's sufficient to say it teaches us how to give and receive love.

 

Some who never experienced a dose of this type of emotion, didn't get enough of it in early development (or even later on), -or who were denied it for whatever reason, and never learned to give or receive it- wind up turning almost any type of relationship into whatever can deliver quick comfort.

 

Some are simply repeating behavior they learned from how their parents displayed, -or chose not to display- emotions of all kinds.

 

Whatever the reason that the void is present -inadequate, unfulfilling substitutions for it can start to appear and form a pattern of behavior.

 

Repetition of the cycle begins soon after the failure of each of these substitutions....substitutions (relationships) that -to begin with- didn't have a snowball's chance in he*l of progressing in a healthy way.

 

Hope you could follow some of that.

 

There's too much info on this to post, actually, -but in a small nutshell, that's a still a pretty accurate answer.

 

But the shortest answer? Your girlfriend needs to get to the bottom of why she *needs* a romantic/sexual relationship and cannot seem to live without one even for a short time....and learn *why* she repeats the same failure-producing behavior.

 

You, also, -should look into why you want to be involved with this particular girl having this particular problem. It's hurtful and damaging to most people's self-respect/self-esteem to keep crawling back to the same disasterous relationship. Look into it, for your sake.

 

If this problem continues without being corrected, and she must have your (or anybody's) constant assurance that she is loved, you will have to be an unusually strong fellow who has alot of time, and posseses alot of energy, understanding, and patience to deal with it.

 

You will also have to be prepared to suffer through her, often, erratic behavior, confusing choices, and be willing to go through some possible humiliation, from time to time, if she cheats on you -plus, without getting the real answers, here, -you must realize you become an enabler to her, -not to mention, getting to serve as her doormat whenever she chooses to 'step' on you.

 

You already have obvious information that she has a serious problem, but if you truly love her....

 

Think about all I've said and know that, in choosing to be in this kind of relationship, -even if she chooses treatment/therapy, you will have to be mightily strong in the commitment department, -to put it mildly, it probably won't be easy for either one of you.

 

But all horseradish aside, I hope you each find your happiness/your rainbow...whatever it is you are searching for...and I wish the best of luck to you both!

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

But the shortest answer? Your girlfriend needs to get to the bottom of why she *needs* a romantic/sexual relationship and cannot seem to live without one even for a short time....and learn *why* she repeats the same failure-producing behavior.

Please tell me more, Rio. Nothing can be said so clearer. I know my ex girlfriends` best friend is going through a divorce. My ex went through a divorce and been out with 4 men (including myself) in a space of a year. Maybe you can answer that question Rio, being a woman yourself. I know my ex as very insecure, and also a very needy woman. She does not like confrontation and walks away whenever there is a sign of it. This is why I have started to stop talking, analysing or bring up any past history between us. If i do talk about negative stuff then I may drive her away and may even refuse to speak to me. I know she likes to meet people that are happy. I ve found out that she also blames the men she sees. She is `disappointed in one way or another` she mentioned to one source. She also told me that she does not know what she is looking for. Maybe this is why she is failing in her relationships? She just jumps in feet first without testing the men she meets as friends first.

 

You will also have to be prepared to suffer through her, often, erratic behavior, confusing choices, and be willing to go through some possible humiliation, from time to time, if she cheats on you -plus, without getting the real answers, here, -you must realize you become an enabler to her, -not to mention, getting to serve as her doormat whenever she chooses to 'step' on you.

I m prepared for the worse. I love this woman unconditionally. She has never cheated on me and I m willing to get her through her confusing choices. Like everything else in life. You have to work hard to get what you want. Who knows what will happen in the future. Maybe I will not be with this woman but for now I am.

 

Think about all I've said and know that, in choosing to be in this kind of relationship, -even if she chooses treatment/therapy, you will have to be mightily strong in the commitment department, -to put it mildly, it probably won't be easy for either one of you.

Nothing is easy and I know this. In fact I m stronger than before.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Update. ... . I phoned her this evening and talked nothing except to catch up. Instead of talking for 3 hours on the phone. I decided to cut the call short. The call lasted for 44 minutes, and the most important part of the call was that I never asked about who she was seeing or what her love life was doing. In fact we laughed and joked through out the call and it ended on friendly terms. I bought her some books for Christmas and she is intending in taken them on holiday with her this Monday. The books are specially selected novels and I wrote a small note to say I loved her in each book.

 

I ll refrain from texting her tomorrow and maybe on Saturday. The last time I text her was around 7.30am yesterday morning saying `If people were meant to pop out of bed, we`d all sleep in toasters`. I text her jokes now and again to cheer her up. She immediately texted back. So I ve texted her and called her 2 days in a row. I ll lay low until Saturday or maybe Sunday. She leaves to go on holiday with a friedn on Monday. Shall I maybe send a `bon voyage` text then?

[riobikini]

RE;

 

UK: " I m prepared for the worse. I love this woman unconditionally."

 

 

Here we go again (shaking my head) deliberating an issue you can't know about til you have it's experience.....I'm talking about the 'unconditional love' thing.

 

Look, -we learn nearly everything we know through observation...the rest is getting to experience it, finally.

 

But, -is it not yet clear enough, just from simple observation of others- that there are obvious boundaries, that if crossed, can, indeed, force a person to choose between the one they love and their own self-respect?

 

Some, because certain boundaries are crossed, leave the relationship to protect and preserve their life, and/or their mental/emotional well-being.

 

So there are definately boundaries in romantic relationships which defy the nobel " I love you unconditionally" statement.

 

Thing is, -you do utterly believe that statement now, -it's your present reality, -your lack of experience with boundaries thus far in your life.

 

If you are a lucky fellow, those boundaries may not be pressed too hard, but because you didn't have to bear that cross, (so to speak) -you'll never get to preach the sermon on it. (Southern insight, -apologize.)

 

(Smile)

 

Here's a simplified little picture of boundaries for you, showing how unexpectedly they can occur:

 

My nephew spent the night at my house in November during the holidays.

 

The first night, he got up to go to the bathroom, unfamiliar with the house in the dark, couldn't find the wall switch, creeped slowly through the hallway in the dark, missed the door to the bathroom, and found himself 'lost' because the hallway actually opened into another huge room. He woke me up yelling "Where's the switchplate in this stupid room...where's the wall?" I had just opened my mouth to tell him where it was when I heard a hard 'thump'!.

 

He found the boundary (wall)...it was a bit painful, -but that's how we normally discover them, UK.

 

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

And the moral of the story is?..................don`t walk without the lights OFF!

 

(cracking a huge smile!)

[riobikini]

Cracking one with you, UK...but the moral of the story is...

 

Remain in the darkness and you'll eventually crash into a boundary.

 

Actively search for enlightenment with the help of someone who knows where the switch is.

 

GF needs therapy.

 

(Smile.. )

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

Thanks for the input Rio, but I don`t think I m being left in the dark here or intend to remain in the dark.

 

My ex, not my girlfriend tells me everything that happens in her life. The only subject she does not talk about is her love life. I dont ask her too although I did ask her ONCE if there was someone else. My brother advised not to ask her these questions as thats puts presure to her and will drive them away. I ve been told to be positive when I call her as positive attracts positives. The person I was when I first met her. So I dont think she has left me in the dark. She may have left me behind emotionally. Sometimes I do feel like I just want to get it all out on the telephone, and tell her what I feel and how mixed up she is. I m astounded to see her go back to a prev ex before me after telling me that she has `never taken an ex back before`.

 

Never say `never`. I m sure my ex still has feelings for me as she still replies to every single email I send her, texts and telephone calls too. I must at least have a fighting chance to get her back. After all mr `cool` guy waited almost a year.

 

I know that `cool` guy does not like her neediness and will walk away if there is any sign of it. She told a friend of mine she is `sort of seeing` this ex. I m waiting here ready to get her back. How can you change a woman`s mind? She is VERY stuborn. Maybe through time she will come round. Only time will tell.

[Ukwizard]

Well I ve texted the ex tonight and no reply. She always replies. I know from previous experience that she will reply the next day. When she does not reply it usually means that she is out.(I ll keep you posted) Its Friday night, and no doubt she will be with her ex, and having fun. The irony of this scenario was when I was out with her one night. We came back from seeing a film. We where walking to her front door she received a text from her then ex. She text him back and said `thats him taken care of`. I asked her who it was and she told me `an ex, and that he wanted to go out``. Its funny how the future works out. Its all reversed! Her then ex is now her boyfriend and her boyfriend (me) turned out to be the ex!! I wonder if in the future it will be reversed again?

 

Just before Christmas 2005, that time was really hard for me. Especially when she was with `argumentative` guy. I realise, now that there is no way whatever I do will get her back. I m reducing my contact before Monday when she goes on holiday. If she replies to me tomorrow then all is good. An ex`s feelings won`t come back if they are with someone else. It takes time or for something to happen before they think of you again. Maybe I m an eternal optimist. I have no idea. I ve been left hanging on string. The carrot dangled in front of me. On one of our late night conversations she told me to `date other people, and then come back to me!` What kind of line is that!

 

I know that when I used to text her, and the days she would not reply until the day after, was because she was with `argumentative` guy. Not once did she tell me there was someone else. I wont consider this as lying. Argumentative guy, and her weren`t boyfriend/girlfriend just yet. My family advised that she doesnt have to tell me if she is seeing someone, and that she is `protecting my feelings`. I did ask her straight if there was someone else and she replied `how would you feel if there was someone else?` In all honesty I told her the truth and told her I would be hurt. Since I ve told her this she has never mentioned anything about her love life.

 

I m not bitter in any way how our relationship ended, but I feel very let down, and sad how a woman can just come into your life. Give all her emotions all to you, take them away from you, and then like where she came from almost disappears into thin air!

 

Yes I would love to remain friends with her. I would still like to be part of her life. Okay to you people on LS that may sound like I m being treated like a door mat. Please remember you cannot judge a person on how they feel or how the ex feels. Its no crime to leave a relationship. It takes a lot of energy to make things work. Maybe at the time she had work/family problems she just fell on top of everything and left. I know she does not hate me. After all we still talk. I would love to be friends as he is one of the most loving women I have ever met on this planet. She never played games with me,. Okay sure she kept her feelings hidden from me. In fact so well that I sometimes I never knew she was in a bad mood. She just kept them in. Thats is why I would like a second chance. During the time we where together. I believe she wanted someone deeper to talk to. She tried to be deep with argumentative guy but he could not be bothered! He was more interested in his football match. Me being me, I wanted to have fun and have a good time and a laugh. Unfortunately at this time when she was signed off from work due to stress, problems with her youngest daughter, she told me I wasnt available to her.

 

If I knew back then what she wanted and how she felt. At least I wont be here now writing this. In all prespective, I ve been told by a work colleague of mine that I m blaming myself. My colleague did advise that `maybe your ex doesn`t know what she is looking for. One day she will find that out for herself. you just have to be there for her as a friend to get her by, and maybe one day she will see you for who you are and come back` She carried on to say `it will take a lot of work to see her make her mistakes. Its show you handle it, and tell her that what she is doing is unacceptable`. Also said `its not your fault. She`s doing this to herself,a nd relationships take time and effort. She will be let down all over again, if she jumps into another relationship as no one is perfect`. I cant possibly say any of this to her as I know she will walk away or I ll push her away. She does not like any form on confrontation. I m stuck what to do. Any suggestions?

[Ukwizard]

UPDATE

 

Well I texted the ex last night a cheeky wee love poem. No reply. I m right I found out she has been out. Yeah with her her first ex, the `cool` guy. Now when I say cool, it doesn`t mean that he is cool, and wears shades. I only use this word to describe his initiation to her. I dont know much about this bloke at all.

 

I was expecting no reply from her. Whenever she is out with someone she would not reply till the next day. She never replied the next day anyway. I had to prompt her and this text was over the fact that my best mate would never text me back and how rude it was, and she replied instantly. I mentioned about how rude my best friend was and even mentioned I gave him a good ticking off about the fact my ex had texted him back in Sept 2005 to `look after me` as my best friend and his wife and me where going on holiday.

 

Anyway I m in reduced contact now until Monday when she goes on hoilday.