Second chances do happend!

[riobikini]

UK, careful, there!

 

You are creating something I call 'girl-friend' contact with this girl.

 

Let me explain.

 

In high school, it's not unusual to find small cliques where everybody (both genders) hang out with everybody, -they hug whoever, develop this cutesy, cozy overly-friendly circle of semi-adults who support and share with whomever is within their circle of 'close buddies', -all designed to keep everything -and everyone within the group feeling positive, feeling 'special' and cared for.

 

Some guys become such close friends with girls that they almost can be called 'girl-friends', -they listen to all their relationship problems, wardrobe, hair and make-up concerns, and are always there to hear them out, give advice, and be a 'support'.

 

Trouble is, he's so good at what he does: he makes a great fashion consultant, boyfriend adviser, and has learned (from talking to so many females about their personal problems) just what the 'right' answers are.

 

They appreciate him and adore him.

 

He might immensely enjoy the closeness and trust he has developed and feel privileged to be included, accepted, and trusted with such intimate secrets of these young females -and he may even figure that there may be 'fringe benefits' to it some of the time. Fact is, he may be right, some of the time.

 

But as it often turns out, this kind of relationship can get so close that, over time, the guy is simply viewed as 'one of them'. He's never looked at as a 'real' guy, -he somehow loses his 'masculinity' and the definition of 'male' is simply lost because of how he operates among them, although, ironically, from time to time, they may ask for his 'male' point of view.

 

The girl(s) know they can call on him for nearly anything, -but, if he ever wanted to date one of them, -they might not be as apt to take him seriously.

 

Only seldom does he wind up with one of the girls as a bonafide girl-friend, although, there may be times when sex with one of them is possible, -often during a romantic rebound. But those are 'crumbs' and and while he may delight in it happening, it probably won't ever be anything more than a fling, with potential to ruin the friendship.

 

Careful that this doesn't happen to you.

 

You are in the 'advanced class', certainly still not in high school- and becoming such a 'girl-friend', now, amounts to the equal of being no more than a 'door mat', on an adult level.

 

You are acting in the capacity of an 'enabler' to her childish and irresponsible behavior. You are 'putting up with it, promoting it'.

 

From a certain aspect, you may feel you are being passively aggressive and/or patient in hopes that she'll turn all her attention to you someday, -but UK, again I ask you to carefully review whether you truly want to invite this woman's behavior patterns into your life.

 

She's like a rubber ball, bouncing from relationship to relationship, ***rebounding*** into the arms/company of any man who offers her a romantic and/or sexual comfort.

 

This is a major problem.

 

You can't fix that, no matter how hard you try.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

Thanks Rio for your message, but I can only say, so what do I do now? Although your post is good, its like most of your posts. They don`t give any kind of firm advice,(its all wishy washy) or any kind of way forward. I mean, really.... what do I do? I think you make a good politican, Rio as any kind of question I ask. You give a passive answer ,just like any politician would lol.

 

It maybe good to give all these stories, or analogies, but it does lack in any kind of direction. I can counter argue your analogy about the high school scenario. Yes there may be a guy that may hang out with you, and become such good friends.

 

everyone within the group feeling positive, feeling 'special' and cared for.

Isnt that what you are supposed to do, to show a woman that you care?

 

He might immensely enjoy the closeness and trust he has developed and feel privileged to be included, accepted, and trusted with such intimate secrets of these young females -and he may even figure that there may be 'fringe benefits' to it some of the time. Fact is, he may be right, some of the time.

Yes being friends you get close, trust,and eventually develops into love. This is the idea of `WINNING` someone back. I m sure there are many LS posts here that show, `I m falling for my friend` or `How do I ask my friend out?`

 

But as it often turns out, this kind of relationship can get so close that, over time, the guy is simply viewed as 'one of them'. He's never looked at as a 'real' guy, -he somehow loses his 'masculinity' and the definition of 'male' is simply lost because of how he operates among them, although, ironically, from time to time, they may ask for his 'male' point of view.

`One of them?` I m sorry but we are not cheerleader girls, or `Jocks` here. Its not about `them` and `us` So the idea of `them` does not exist. Its not high school we`re talking about.

 

***rebounding*** [/b]into the arms/company of any man who offers her a romantic and/or sexual comfort.

 

This is a major problem.

 

You can't fix that, no matter how hard you try.

]

 

May I add that she did not run into the arms of another man. She decided to LEAVE me first, and then decided to date.

 

My ex is a very needy person, and needs constant reassurance to show that I care for her. Do NOT get me wrong though. She never harrasssed me, phoned, text me all the time to get my attention. In fact she is very `low maintenance`.

 

What I do know is that when she split with me she put up on her dating profile about pet hates. She added.....`Oh and buy the way please don`t bother if you pay a lot of attention to me initially, and then give up!`

 

I m not sure if this was aimed at me, but if she wanted more kisses and hugs then I m all for it.

 

This time I m being very careful with my attention. If there is too much she may think I m being obssesive. Too little, then she may think I m giving up.

 

I ve actually began a way of texting her. 2 days of contact and then 1 day off sometime 2. So forth, and so forth. I send jokes, or sometimes ask her how she is doing or tell her what I m doing. I m trying to make it a slow, but constant form of communication.

 

There was one week I did NC with all communication. No texts, no email, nothing. Now this is unlike me, as we did email each other EVERYDAY in the beginning. Anyway I left it for a week and called her, and she was surprised I called, and we talked for 3 hours!

[riobikini]

RE:

 

UK: " Thanks Rio for your message, but I can only say, so what do I do now? Although your post is good, its like most of your posts. They don`t give any kind of firm advice,(its all wishy washy) or any kind of way forward. I mean, really.... what do I do?"

 

UK, I can't *tell* you what to do, -because I do not live in your shoes.

 

I am aware that you are not a child to be told what to do -even if you asked- in your situation, and with me not knowing all there is to know, -I would not *instruct* you to do this thing or that.

 

This is your life, -not mine.

 

I've given you suggestions.

 

In looking back over this thread, I truly believe you are missing all the viewpoints that anyone has posted to you.

 

Regarding the lack of firmness (or rather, I believe you are referring more to my lack of rigid instruction)...I have been consistently firm on two points that have gone seemingly unnoticed by you: one is her need for realizing her behavior -she's not treating the behavior just yet...(and take note: it's going to impact you in a relationship with her)....the other is more important, your need to look at the picture from other angles and see the true total quality of your life with her (as she is, unchanging) and -without her.

 

Perhaps, a third point would be to see *why* you must have this particular girl -with all her obvious ongoing problems- above all others who might be available to you...and who certainly might offer less of the problematic behavior.

 

Are you in love with her...or do you want her because you don't have her?

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

Hi Rio

 

UK, I can't *tell* you what to do, -because I do not live in your shoes.

 

Thanks, but I m not asking you to `tell` me to do something. You`re not my mum.

 

I've given you suggestions.

 

I don`t really need suggestions. I need your opinion. I ll choose my own path after I ve gathered enough opinions. I prefer people that give their real opinions, not people that sit on the fence ,and believe they are helping by giving suggestions that dont amount to anything.- Fine. Tell me I m a `klutz`. Tell me anything. I would like your honest opinion, and nothing else.

 

Perhaps, a third point would be to see *why* you must have this particular girl -with all her obvious ongoing problems- above all others who might be available to you...and who certainly might offer less of the problematic behavior.

 

I don`t really think this is an ongoing problem. Its nothing that cant be solved/fixed. I would like to talk to her about it, but I m afraid that if I do bring this all out again she may not want to speak to me ever again. I need to tackle this with her but unfortunately I cant because the first sign of confrontation she will walk. I m really fustrated, and sometimes I want to give her a piece of my mind, and really tell her what I think. She says she wants to be friends, and she has not as much as sent me an email or text me, but only when I text her.

 

Also the fact that she says that I was immature!? I think I m being more mature than her in dealing with our post breakup relationship.

 

Are you in love with her...or do you want her because you don't have her?

 

BOTH!

[riobikini]

UK,

 

From time to time, it benefits a person greatly to review the information he/she has received.

 

Look back over this (your) thread and read it. Look at your feelings, your circumstances in regards to her, your questions, how you have been responded to by each poster, and your own subsequent responses.

 

This review isn't for me, -it's for you.

 

Looking back over the thread every now and then allows the possibility of seeing something you didn't see before, -something that may contain your solution that was there all along.

 

Everyone should do it.

 

There are countless posters who, when looking back on previous posts from the beginning of their problem, -months later, when their views and emotions have slowly changed- see a progressive realization and terrific insight regarding the basic simplicity of the solution.

 

But time is a major factor.

 

In a good deal of the reviews, the poster almost has a feeling that the whole thing was ridiculous in how they allowed themselves to be used, abused, and mistreated by the 'love of their life'.

 

Certainly, at the time, it didn't feel ridiculous or silly, -it was quite serious, painful, and confusing- but I promise you, many things do have a peculiar, wonderful way of improving over time, all because our mind has accepted change, and thus, our emotions are different.

 

Again, UK, I do not have a concrete formula for fixing anyones problems, but my own life experience has taught me that most of the 'bumps' and 'crashes' in our lives have less direct negative significance as we move forward.

 

Do the review...in my own 'opinion' (as you asked) it has potential to benefit you.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

Hi Rio

 

Thanks for the advice again! I m sorry you have to put up with my nonsense, but I do think I need help. I still love this woman even though she has put me through this pain.

 

Well the update to the scenario is my ex has turned around again and is now dating a `beardy` guy! Help!!.... I found another dating site she was on and she has met this other man. I m not sure what happened to cool guy!? By the sound of it she only met this guy online for a few days and now is staying over his place.

 

Please can I get some input WHY this woman wants to date around? You are correct. She seems to like the idea of love and after a few months of knowing them she seems to end a relationship to jump into another when another man gives her attention. I know this happened to me when I emailed her. She said she had `just finished a relationship she hoped she would be in`, and then a few weeks before I met her she had another date with a guy, but he was around 20 stone.

 

Btw, she doesnt has no idea I have know all this. Should I confront her, but in a civilised way?

[riobikini]

UK,

 

I'm afraid that confrontation -by you- wouldn't stop it.

 

By now, she has learned all the best ways to rationalize her behavior.

 

On the other hand, voluntarily seeking professional help with the (seeming) addiction would be a great start for her.

 

Also, I am still noting your apparent fascination ('chasing after') someone whom you can see has this problem, and who has eluded you, thus far.

 

I wonder why -aside from feeling 'in love' with her, at present- whether or not the entire fascination with her would wear off, after a few weeks or months, if you were to actually wind up with her.

 

There's more than one way to approach that answer: one of them (recommended) is to find out why you are so attracted to someone whom you are finally beginning to see *relies* on an enabler to support her 'vulnerable' behavior.

 

Here's a couple of questions to ask yourself and ponder: Do you think your love will make all her problems go away? (i.e. do you think you can 'fix' her?)....Does her behavior make you feel more 'needed' or more like the stronger partner?

 

-Rio

[dr strangelove]

Dude

 

Once they go off with someone else, its time to back off.

 

And act indifferent to it, "im dating someone new" she will say. My ex said that to me a few times, I was like well I hope it works out for you he sounds wonderful. Then she would be like.. all confused, most the time there was no other guy.

 

And girls like her are not destined to be with someone for too long so at least you can count on anything not lasting.

 

I know you are in alot of pain, trust me I have been there ever since I discovered girls.

 

You can only kill that pain few ways

1) find someone else to be obsessed over

2) find something to be obsessed over

 

not much else to say I find I have the worst cheeto craving right now..so tah tah

[Chinook]

Well the update to the scenario is my ex has turned around again and is now dating a `beardy` guy! Help!!.... I found another dating site she was on and she has met this other man. I m not sure what happened to cool guy!? By the sound of it she only met this guy online for a few days and now is staying over his place.

 

Okay, so this is what..? Five guys in a year, is that right..? UKW your lady there is what I would see as a serial monogamist. Either that or an NRE junkie. She likes the first flushes of love and passion and she's trying to find that one true relationship which will give it to her. I really wish I could tell you that I don't know what I'm talking about. But the fact is, I see in her... alot of myself. I dated four guys within the space of a year. With each guy, the first few weeks were marvellous and I loved the heady feelings of being at the centre of someone's attention. But with two of the guys in particular, I discovered they were married so I broke off the relationships (pretty good excuse if you ask me!)

 

With the other two guys though... both were nice, stable, single guys. Good jobs, good solid backgrounds etc. Not after my money, or my body, or anything. They fell for me, because I was me. In both cases, after a while (two months with the first one and six months with the second) I found a reason not to continue dating them. It wasn't because I didn't like them, I did. What became painfully clear was I was looking for something which I wasn't going to find with these people. I was looking for the kind of love I shared with my ex-partner. I was looking to replace HIM. When I realised this, I stopped dating altogether. There was little point any longer, once I realised that the issue was, I wasn't ready to date at all. I thought I was ready to enter that world where you can give and receive love - but I wasn't. What didn't help matters is to have that same ex-partner asking about reconciliation and telling me he loves me and won't ever stop blablabla.

 

In the case of your lady, it seems to me that at the very least she doesn't really know what she is looking for. In the long term - it doesn't seem to me, that you can give her what she needs. If I were you, I would try to let go. This is the road I have now had to take for myself. I have instigated complete 'no contact' with my ex-partner. I know that it will hurt, it will take time but in time, hopefully... I will be ready to love again because I deserve to do so.

[Ukwizard]

Hey Dr!

 

Thanks for replying. I know you are going through perhaps more pain than me Dr Strangelove. I ve read your situation in your post. I think your girl maybe saying about another man to make you jealous. She may want a reaction to make YOU chase after her. You are maybe correct about my ex girlfriend. She may not be destined to stay with this man. This man has a small goatee beard, and has a receding hairline for goodness sake. (no offence to people that are bald or have receding hair) He isnt that attractive. Another thing is that I believe he lives a little further than I When she used to come to stay with me.

 

There is no interstate highways (for the American readers) or should I say motorways to this place where her new man is staying.

Hell I cant even see a railway link to this place! This means she will have to travel to the city, where I live, and then get on another place to see this bloke.

 

Well the update is on Easter Saturday she actually text me! Just when I wasnt thinking of her no more. BANG! My mobile goers off and she wishes me a Happy Easter!

 

Then on Sunday there was a hell of a lot of pain especially on Easter Sunday when I sent her a joke by text and she replied

 

"Thats good, How is (my name) By the way? I have a date this Friday. Hope you wish me luck. x

 

At first I thought this was VERY insincere of her, as we met on Easter Monday last year. Although it Easter was in March last year. That really hurt, and my eyes swelled with tears. I wished her good luck and said in my text that I would always love her and I cant change her mind

but I would always want her back.

 

She replied back and said

 

"Thanx (my name) I appreciate what you say. I hope we can always be friends. x"

 

I texted back and said that I couldnt be friends with her when her new boyfriend comes into the picture.

 

Surprisingly she replied AGAIN. (I thought she wouldnt have as she does not like confrontation).

 

"Y cant we b friends if I have a boyf? I have always kept in touch wi prev boyf b4 u. Dont want 2 hurt u but i m trying to move on! x"

 

This is where I lost it, and said something along the lines of.... move on to what? Another failed relationship? Is this your 4 or 5th boyfriend? This boyfriend not looking at u thru `rose tinted specs` but loves you unconditionally! x

 

And no reply since Sunday! Well I think I pissed her off anyway. She does not like confrontation at all!

 

I ll get back to Chinook another time.

 

See ya all.

Take care of yourselves:)

[BBetsy]

text messaging is of the devil!!

 

glad to know I'm not the only one who's made a stupid jackass out of myself with text messages. (and email)

 

NC for one week and two days. That is AFTER making a fool of myself for a little over two months.

[westernxer]

Please can I get some input WHY this woman wants to date around?

 

It's really not that complicated... she doesn't want you as much as you want her.

[Ukwizard]

Hi guys!

 

I m back!! Where have I been? To hell and back - thats where I ve been!! There`s one thing I have to say, and that is I went through hell, but I kept on walking! Well - to cut a long story short. When I got dumped. I bettered myself. I took a college course, and studied a bit of law. Now I m going to sue her ass for leaving me lol!

 

Okay now here`s the story. I finished my exams on Friday 9 June. I studied hard. Very hard. I took a 6 month intensive course. I also took dancing lessons, and even renovated a flat!

 

THIS IS WHY CONTACT IS GOOD!

 

Personally for me anyway. I ve reviewed my circumstances. I ve talked to my friends and family, and I ve come to a decision.

 

Yes.....The decision is.....I DONT want her! I had a huge talk from my younger brother. One thing that really hit me is what he said,

 

"Why do you would you want someone that doesnt want you anyway, and dates around. Why date so many people. Have you ever thought it might not be you....it might be her!"

 

I ll tell you why CONTACT did the job for me. In the meantime, things have changed between the ex , and I. In the last 3 weeks she`s decided to ignore my emails, and my texts. Well - thats up to her. Thats her loss. I still dont understand why a woman with 2 kids, and ex husband, and a list of previous relationships that have failed would dump a man that has NO previous sexual history, (yes this was the first woman I ever slept with!) that is willing to take her, her children. I have a nice car, and own property, can cook, look after myself, financially independent, and has an active social life would leave? For what exactly?

 

I ve been her friend, and I also kind of wanted her back. Just 3 weeks ago, she bought a new car. A convertible I might add, and very nice too. Originally I told her I would call her on a Sunday but texted her bac to let her know I would call on the following Wednesday instead when she got her new car. (I need to say, my ex has some very strange impulse decisons, and dumping me was possibly another. Remember I slept in the same bed days before, and no hint of unhappiness and no arguements. I still dont understand why she bought a convertible. She`s got 2 kids, and I ve been shopping with her. She buys a lot of shopping. Where they heck is she going to put her kids and her weekly shopping especially when the roof folds down into the boot, or trunk for our American cousins!)

 

I called her after 10.30 on the Wednesday, usually when her kids go to bed. The phone was engaged. I called again at 11.20. I thought she was on the phone to her mum. called again at 11.40, and still engaged. I texted her to say `Wowzers, thats a long time youve been on the phone! x`.

 

At 11.44pm I recieve a text saying "Soz (my name) I was talkin 2 my new boyfriend (his name). I m really tired n off to bed the now, night night x`.

 

Unbelievable! Back 6 months ago I could have cried bucket loads. I actually felt nothing at all! It was really strange. Was I tempted to send a message back retorting how insincere she was? Was I angry? Was I jealous? Hell NO!! Sorry - I need to explain that this woman usually goes to bed very late. I used to get emails from her around 1.05am in the morning. I was however, disappointed when said she was tired, and insuating me to `bog off` basically. I knew for a fact she wouldnt have gone straight to bed. My ex still does not realise that the 2 other men she dated after me are no where to be seen. I believe she took sides with them, and talked about me to them behind my back. Its more likely to be true as she told me so many things about her ex-husband when I was with her.

 

I m basically almost like the last man she dated. The scenario I m talking about above is not new. I remember after the first few weeks we used to talk to MSN. We`ve only talked 3 or 4 times on MSN, but she had another man that wanted to talk to her, and she told me she was going to ignore him as she was talking to me!! (she likes to take sides)

 

I believe my ex can be infatuated by new people she meets, and she was infatuated with me too. I have to say I did feel uneasy when I started to email her. She even told me after the first couple of emails that she had "just come out of a relationship`. I find it very strange there is no mourning period when she ends a relationship, or even to take time out to find out what went wrong with the last relationship she was in. Maybe even time out to think if the relationship is salvageable.

 

I went through hell and back when she left. I tried to ask her if we could work things out. Back at that time there was nothing in our relationship that could not be fixed. What does she do? She just jumps right into another relationship. For goodness sake we slept in the same bed, and 6 days later she dumps me. Four days later, she goes back on the internet dating site where we met, and starts emailing other men.

 

Once she meets a new man, after a few months she then dumps him, after the initial feeling of excitment ,and something new has died down she will then go out, and date other men. Only to find out the next man, may or may not be any better. This is where contact is good. She told me back in Easter she had a date with somone. Well that came to a swift end. A close friend told me she slept with this man on the first date! She fell for a line this man basically sweet talked her, and she fell for it. That didnt last because the man she liked was only after one thing. She did find out that the man she met was a liar, and that his stories about what he did in life kept on changing or inconsistant.

 

The grass isnt always greener on the other side. You have to find someone really nice. Someone you can trust, and then work things out together. It takes time to get the right balance for each partner, to find out what they want in a relationship. My ex couldnt face up to that. She never asked for anything. could not even say what was right and what was wrong in our relationship. She wanted everything incredibly fast. I never made love to her until our fourth date! I reckon she had obviousily consulted her friends first before dumping me. I believe they told her to dump me, and she`d possibly been on the internet chatting to other men too. In fact she never even mentioned that she wasnt happy when she was with me.

 

A female collegue of mine said to me that it sounds like she`s wants attention. She will find it easy to talk to people she doesnt know. Strangers dont have a connection, so it seems its not as complicated. She will then fall for them, but the thing is the stranger may find this all too over whelming and they will eventually find out that the person they are talking too just wants someone to talk to or for help or attention. Anyway I m diversifying about contact.

 

So I ve been talking to her for the last 8 months. She always said the its not you its me, I m not right for you now etc. (the usual baloney) She always tried to make it seem the break up was okay for her and she even texted me to check if I was okay after a month later we split. In her `break up email she said we`d be friend, we d go out to dinner, and have drinks to which she never has seen me once after we split up bar Christmas last year when I gave her kids some presents. This is a woman that does not mean what she says. I did ask her when we could get back together and she replied "You`ve had your chance!` Bingo! So it was something to do with me. I also asked her what she wanted and she said that she didnt know. So 6 months later I ask the same question, and she said she wants someone that`s really intimate. Another month later she tells me she still has no idea what shes looking for. She I hope you can see I never got the closure I needed.

 

What kind of kicked things off was after I got that text message from her I texted back asking her if she was enjoying the weather as her new car is a convertible. No answer, and no reply until 11.21pm, I recieve a text message from her best friend saying

 

"Hi (my name) its (ex`s best friend name) here. Just wanted 2 give you a bit of advice so that you can move on! (ex`s name) has met someone really nice and nds a chance 2 develop a relationship with him! It may be helpful 2 her if you could back off and give her some space:-)"

 

Christ. I mean I only found out the day before she only met someone! I wasnt particularly happy her friend got involved. My ex didn`t have the courtesy to speak to me, but had to speak to her best friend behind my back. This is exactly what I mean about my ex. She has a lot of issues to deal with. She cannot communicate. When I got dumped she said "we dont communicate like normal couples do". In fact she never communicated the fact she had a really bad time with her depression, and also her kids. It wasnt until after we split up she told me what was going on, and that`s when I though oh my Lord. Why didnt you tell me that before and I tried to help. This is where she misunderstood me , and thought I showed her more attention than when I was with her. Only because she started to talk to me after we split up.

 

So I wish her good luck with her new boyfriend. If I m right. This is her 6th boyfriend. I was number 3, and I lasted 7 months. The longest out of the whole lot of men she dated. I have a feeling that her infatuation will die down again, and her cycle will start all over again. My ex will then move on to her next victim. Her past performance is a likely indicator of her future performance. I would really recommend to her that if this relationship does not work out then she needs to stop and think what she is really doing to herself, and other people. Before another man gets hurt like the way I did when she walked out on me. She needs time alone to think what she wants in life, and not just the security of someone being there. I believe she is looking for what she had with her ex-husband after 12 years of marriage. Maybe she wil never find it because we are all different. We all grow up with different perceptions, attitudes, life experiences. She needs time to stop hurting other men in the process. We`re not commodities that can be taken off the shelf, and then disposed off when you get bored.

 

My conclusion is CONTACT. Why? Well if I went out, did what I did with NO CONTACT. My ex will still be on my mind. I would be thinking what she would be doing, and if she was still single etc. For me. I went out to get some qualifications at college. I went out and spoke to friends I havent spoke to for months, and during this time I still spoke or emailed my ex. I MUST insist however if you do proceed with contact. There will be times when you will be hurt. It will make you feel like you`re second best. You will have to be in the position to listen what you dont want to hear. I found all this out through contact. Things my ex told me made me cry, laugh, and get angry. Whatever you do please understand these are just feelings that are intensified for wanting something you dont have anymore. Thats real love! Lie everything else. They will dimish. Some people mourn over a loss for month, and even days. For the people that don`t mourn or grieve. Did hey really love you in the first place? I greived for 6 months. I tore myself apart. I dealt with it my situation with as much maturity as possible. I talked to my ex like any normal adult would. I did not get angry or cry in front of her. If you things like that, then they will NOT come back. People are attracted to strong, charasmatic, happy people. Imagine if I did do NC. I d be pulling my hair out, and counting the days of NC. Thats one thing I m NOT PREPARED to do, and that is to do NO CONTACT, and then count how many days I m not speaking to them! Thats just way too much. I ve got bigger fish to try. I ve done my job now. I got what I needed. Contact for me was the best decison I ever made. In the end its really up to you what you want to do.

 

After talking to my ex, I ve found out that she likes to take sides. She doesn`t necessary say what she means. (one huge example was when we split up, I sent her a text message saying I miss you, and she replied I miss you too! How can that come from someone that doesnt want to be with you int he first place!!?)

 

The good news guys! I found myself a new girlfriend. She knows about my ex, and I haven`t talked about my to my new girl. Only when she asks. The sad thing is, I knew what was wrong in our relationship. I got side tracked with work to pay off some debts. I worked log hours, and late shifts. Saved up money to see my ex. Like my ex said...`we weren`t really a couple`. Meaning I wasnt always there. Like I said before. There was nothing in our relationship that could not be resolved. She just gave up, and is still dating! People like that date around may even by-pass their Mr Right, and die old alone with their 20 cats LOL.

 

Good luck to you all. Please remember, do you really want someone that doesn`t want you in the first place?

 

P.s Thanks for Westernxer weak piece of advice! Its almost like saying World War 2 is not that complicated. Germany didn`t like Europe as much as Europe wanted Germany!....... Great piece of advice mate!

[Ukwizard]

**CASE CLOSED**

 

UKWizard has moved on.

[riobikini]

UK (smile), -I wouldn't want you for a lawyer, that is, -until you learned to evaluate cases better.

 

The ones you tend to hardheadly pursue are likely to be frivolus ones in which there is no potential to win. And all those long months of pursuing them would drain a millionaire's bank account.

 

You lucked out this time.

 

(Smile)

 

Good luck with the new girl.

 

-Rio

[Ukwizard]

Thank you, Riobikini, but lets get this straight - this aint no court case. No one has committed a crime!! No one is guilty. No one is a lawyer here, and there is definitely NO verdict to be heard.

 

I could say, I wouldnt want you for a judge. Too biased. This is love we are talking about, and we certainly can`t prove `beyond all reasonable doubt`, our ex`s will come back. Are you using criminal law or civil law lol?

 

I decided to move on. (not a decision made by a judge in case law) I decided to better myself, and to be in a better position to love again. You dont know that there is no potential to win. If that was the case then the `Second chances` forum here on Love Shack would NOT exist. People are on here asking, and looking for advice, and BELIEVE there is a potential to win. No one knows what will happen in the future. The people that are on this forum are lookin for this `potential`.

 

I m just waiting for my college results in August. I know my ex is still dating. I believe this is her 6 boyfriend. Although I do believe she has dated 1 or 2 others, but nothing has come about of them.

 

I dont think I lucked out Rio. When someone suffers from REAL depression, and I dont like the way people use the word depression when people just feel down. I mean the works here. I went through a very dark period.

 

When depression sets in you do lack any kind of direction. Its not until your friends, and family try to talk to you about whats right or wrong, you then come out of your depression, and come to your senses. I just came out of my depression and though, its NOT me thats the problem. Its her!! I mean why date so many people. Maybe she is lacking direction too in relationships as she had depression. I ll never know about my ex. She`s complicated enough. If I cant understand her, no one else ever will.

 

So I d like to say THANK YOU to all that have replied to my messages. I ve sat here many a late night on this PC to get some answers.

 

I wish my ex all the best of luck. As I say - past performance is a likely indicator of future performance. Maybe she`ll never find what she is looking for. She told me one that she didnt know. For goodness sake. If she doesnt know what she is looking for. How can any man know!?

 

There is one good thing that has come out of this. I ve found out some people DO get second chances. It really depends how you split up. If the other partner is willing to try again. My ex is far too stubborn to try again, and said to me `that she has never taken anyone back before`. There is another second chance though. I got mine.....Yeah with another girl.

 

So to all those out there. You CAN always find another person that wants YOU. Why waste your time/energy pursing someone that left you in the first place. If they did come back. That would always be on your mind.........why they left in the FIRST PLACE.

 

Please wish me luck.

 

UkWizard

xx:love:

[Ukwizard]

:bunny: A HAPPY ENDING! (FOR ONCE):bunny:

 

All the best to all you Loveshackers. I hope you do find the direction you are looking for.

[dr strangelove]

I'll miss the sock puppet

[Ukwizard]

Ha ha, I like `Zippy` too, but he`s not a sock puppet. He`s a huge hand puppet. He`s from a late 1980s to early 90s British childrens TV show called Rainbow. Here`s the link for you Dr Strangelove to cheer you up lol:rolleyes:!

 

http://www.btinternet.com/~acbarrett/

 

Dr Strangelove. I hope things have improved for you! Remember to keep smiling even when you are down. It confuses people!!

[riobikini]

I wish you luck, UK.

 

All the luck in the world -for you and 'Zippy', too.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

 

P.S. And keep your eyes focused on the court with the *real* ball: college. That's where it's all at for you, now, -anyway.

[dr strangelove]

Handpuppet, well they all started out as socks.

 

In regards to a smile perhaps it would be better for me to wear a mask or paint a smile on my face.

 

Im sorry you had so much trauma from your ex. Hopefully your new GF works out just fine. Some of us are trapped in this limbo.

[bigdogg1811]

...that second chances do happen!

 

My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me in late March and I was really distraught and was calling her non-stop asking her why, and if she can give me a second chance. This calling went on for nearly 3 weeks.

 

And then after that, I just began to start NC and I didn't talk to her for the month of April and May...then in late May, she texted me and said that she had really been missing me. She tried to have another bf, but it didn't work out and that she wanted me back.

 

And over the last 2-3 weeks, we've been working things out very slowly and things look very bright for the future.

 

It just takes time everyone and NC does really work!

[Ukwizard]

Thanks to Riobikini. I would really like to thank her for her support in the dark days.

 

Dr Strangelove. Its you - who is the creater of your destiny. You dont have to chose to stay in limbo. You can move on or stay there....its up to you my friend.

[riobikini]

UK,

 

re:

 

UK: " Thanks to Riobikini. I would really like to thank her for her support in the dark days. "

 

Stop it! -you're making me cry.

 

But there's still a smile for you through those silly, unexpected tears, and I want to tell you how very proud I am of you, and that you, my friend, were the hardheaded-est little puppet I have ever met on these boards, (save one, which shall remain nameless and who is still chasing) -and I wish the world in happiness and good things for you.

 

(Smile)

 

Yours,

-Rio