Major Office Crush - She Likes (Dating) Someone Else

[dfly2006]

Please Help, as I have no friends to talk about this with......(I am 42 yrs old)

I had been at my job for two years a company of about 60 people. Everyone likes (liked?) me, everything was great. On Jan 3rd we hired a new receptionist, and I fell straight in love, or a massive crush if you want to put it that way. I'm 42 and I never felt like this in my life. I have since asked her to lunch (3 weeks after she started), and she gave me sev excuses (a nice no). She never leaves the building for lunch, so In the back of my mind, I thought I still had hope for a miracle. This girl treats (or, treated me nicer than any female aside from my mother ever has. Asking me two months after I told her that my dad passed away, "how is your mom doing?" Always asking me how my weekend was. She would also alway mention that she spent her weekends "with family", or, one strange one "I went out, but only during the day" huh? So, again, I still though I had a miracle shot at dating her. My first problem is, I found out she is very close and possibly dating a guy who I have known since I started there, and HAD gotten along with well. Last week he was in Kentucky on bussiness, and guess who stopped by, for the first time in three months, to say "good morning", and when I asked her what she needed because I only assumed she was looking for someone, she just gave me a huge smile and said "just passing through". Later in the week, I was taking with some else, and they interupted me to tell her "oh, HE'LL be back tomorrow" meaning the other guy. When I fond all this out, I didn't talk to her at all for three days, ignoring her in the halls, etc. It hurt me when I found out they were an item, and that she would only come over to see me when he was gone, so I acted like a little b*tch. Now, she won't talk to me, he won't talk to me, and people in general, including my boss, know there is something bothering me. SO, My main question is, how can I get over this mad crush? My hurt and gealous feelings? I have never felt so low. I retrospect, she may have been doing a very cool thing, in haveing me as a work friend, someone to talk with and like on a professional level, and I couldn't handle it, because she didn't chose me romanticly. How can I regain what would have been our friendly work relationship, or, can I kiss that goodbye, as I should stay out of her way so as not to upset the guy she likes? I feel like alot of co-workers have lost alot of respect for me for the way I have been acting. Cananyone offer me some kind of advice? I am extremely depressed about this, my job has been great up to this point. Now that I know I'll never date her I would just like to go to work and smile and I can't seem to do that. Oh, and by the way, the guy who is seeing her can't even look me in the 1eye. I would cave in his skull if he ever opened up his mouth. PLEASE HELP

[whichwayisup]

Don't cave in his head, I'm sure he hadn't a clue you liked her. And besides, office romances (is she your secretary? or for the whole office?) are dangerous, even more so because your company isn't that big. Which leads me to my next point, office gossip, inwhich it seems you're experiencing now and feeling the fallout from it.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is forget about this woman, she is a co-worker and not available anymore. She is dating someone else and you're going to have to accept that. As hard as that may be, you have no choice! Unless you enjoy feeling angry and hurt all day long.

 

The only way to gain back the respect is to STOP reacting and acting out. Rise above it all, as hard as that will be, you must do this to regain your composure again at work. You cannot control what others think about you, so for now, don't give them any reason to make you the topic of discussion for the day.

[jerbear]

I hate to say this, your behavior will have to stop!!

 

A company of 60 employees are covered under typical labor laws. Different laws apply to different companies, # of employees and distance for instance. Your actions if unchecked can bring a sexual harassment suit.

 

Now just be professional or politely tell her you are busy with work and return someone else's call or look busy on your computer. If you continue the behavior; it will affect your work.

 

In regards to your friend, that is life unfortunately. I do not chase my friend's gf's even when they are "over."

[Guest]

One, don't cave in anyone's skull; that certainly won't make things any better :-)

 

Two, you have a couple of options regarding your friendship with the receptionist (being a receptionist who has been in a similar situation, I am putting myself in her place): you can either apologize for your behavior, or just act as though nothing has happened, acting the same as you had in the past. I doubt she will ever feel completely the same about you, but at least you should be able to have a decent working relationship with her again.