what are some ways to forget about someone?

[chris]

What is the best way to put a bad relationship behind you and move on with your life? Because the last woman that I was with hurt me really bad. And now, it's effecting my approach, confidence, and ability to start a new relationship with someone better. I just moved to a small town from a big city and I'm still getting used to the lack of selection that I have up here. Should that be a factor? Well, I guess that's it for now.

[Tony T]

There is no good way to put a relationship and the hurt associated with its ending behind you except with time. Staying busy helps but any other conscious effort to try to forget only brings the memories into mind.

 

Trust that time will heal all this and there is no great shortcut. Stay busy and be kind and gentle with yourself.

 

As far as the selection of women in a small town, surely there are fewer of them but you are only looking for one very nice, special lady. Your chances of finding that lady are just as good in a small town, perhaps even better, as in a crowded metropolis. Adam never bitched about Eve (except for the fruit she made him eat), and she was the only one around...according to the story.

 

Even if you were in New York City, chances are you would only have time to date the same number of ladies.

[Miss Mojo]

hi chris,

 

from personal experience, i have found the best ways to regain your confidence in order to meet someone better are:

 

1. don't be to keen to meet someone straight away

 

it can quite empowering to spend time on your own getting over your last relationship i.e not jumping head first into a new relationship. by all means, go out and meet new people, but there is no need to get involved yet. rebounds only make things worse.

 

like you, i was very hurt when my ex and i broke up. i knew that it would be some time before i got involved with another person again but i made a conscious decision to spend as much time as i possibly can, focusing on myself. i've made extra time to spend with my friends, family, and on my own.

 

i am still single - by choice - and even though it seems at times that people (including my friends) think i must be a freak to have remained single for the last 11 months, i know it's doing me a world of good. the way i see it, i have a much better chance of meeting mr right than just hooking up with any tom, dick or harry that i think is plain ole "nice". i will date someone, but only if i think they are awesome and the feeling's mutual. i meet a lot of really nice people, but if i don't find myself thinking about them when they're not around and if i can't picture myself kissing them, i forget about it. some might consider that a crazy rationale, but it works for me and i know i won't be in a situation where i'm not comfortable in.

 

2. know that the next person you meet is not your ex-girlfriend.

 

i once dated a guy for some time who was a total pr!ck to me. when i finally dumped his sorry butt, i never gave myself enough credit to realise that his actions were NOTHING to do with me, but rather just the way he is as a person. my confidence plummeted and i was afraid that all guys would treat me like he did.

 

the guy i dated after the pr!ck, sensed in a couple of months that i had my guard up. i told him i was afraid of getting hurt again, and his words were, "i am not your ex-boyfriend". he was disgusted at the way my first boyfriend treated me. it was then that i realised he was right - he is not my ex-boyfriend at all, so why should i worry so much? lucky for me, he had patience, and he proved himself to be the total opposite of the pr!ck.

 

3. cut all contact with the person who hurt you

 

i don't know if you are still in touch with your ex, but if you are, you will soon find yourself hitting a wall in the "moving on" process. you need to have a clean slate and start fresh - without her in your life. trust me, it is a HUGE weight off your shoulders the moment you cut all contact with someone who has really hurt you.

 

by the way, i don't think lack of selection is a major factor. you could be in a huge city, and you'll never meet half the people in that city. i feel you have a better chance of meeting more people in a smaller city. the social circles tend to intertwine more because a lot of people know each other. get to know people, don't rush and you'll find someone you really, really like in good time.

 

best wishes!