KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Yeah, my husband would lie through his teeth and then brush it off as something I misheard or misunderstood. I don't get angry with him anymore. In fact, not much of what he does surprises me or upsets me. The KEY to distancing yourself emotionally from your husband is by anticipitating what his next moves are. You have to know him in and out in order to do this... and it helps if your husband is dumb as a block of salt. I have been married 10 years and he is pretty much the SAME person as he was 10 years ago!! How a person could resist intellectual and emotional growth in a 10 year period is BEYOND me! But he is like he was in his 20's, and less willing to hide his flaws. He tells the same jokes as he did years ago. he steals my words/point of views and then retelling them to me like they were his. And he will resort to lies when he can't win. My H is a very predictable guy. So I prepare my feelings before I confront him with anything. That way, I don't get pulled into a guilt trip - one of his classic weapons. When he tells me something, I listen with half a mind. i only pay attention to every other word he says. It sounds awful, as I am writing this down. But that is how I've learned to cope with him. If I take anything he says seriously, I'd set myself up for big major disappointment. He is a pathological liar - for god's sake. Finally, I avoid him like the plague. We may have a one-minute conversation 3 times/week. I leave the room whenever he enters it. It sounds horrible - but it really isn't so bad. It feels like being single/divorced. We are living like house mates. Still, my husband doesn't think there is a problem in our marriage! How delusional is he?? He thinks that some marriages are like ours - but they persist. (He doesn't believe in divorce.) MC doesn't work for us because he doesn't keep his words. he may change for 1 day - if he remembers it. Seriously, that is how important our marriage is to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 KHLF- just out of curiosity, why are you still married? Your posts make me so sad, I really feel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 KHLF- just out of curiosity, why are you still married? Your posts make me so sad, I really feel for you. Where should I start? 1. I feel that I made the decision to marry him... so I should stick it out. 2. He is a good provider. We have many joint assets... very difficult to separate. 3. he won't let me have full custody of the kids... which means that I will have to live close to him and will be seeing him again in the future. What's the point of getting a divorce, then? 4. The kids will be shuffled back and forth. 5. Frankly, I don't trust him with the kids. My H is like another 10 year old in the house... and he's usually glued to the TV. 6. Friends and family don't want us to divorce. That's for now. I'm sure if I sit here a bit longer, I'd come up with more. Link to post Share on other sites
1Gravity Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 We were in counseling for over a year and it helped some. However, in the end it only illustrated that the same old issues were non-negotiable. I thought the therapist was well intended but not totally great. She actually quit us and asked us to go see someone else. She got frustrated by us pretty easily IMHO. Your mileage may vary. 1Gravity Link to post Share on other sites
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