I have got to talk to someone about this!!!!!

[Guest]

Okay, so I can't really talk to my friends about this, because it's embarassing, but I really need some advice. I'm sure this has been discussed numerous times, but I wanted to tell my story and get some personal advice as well. Okay, so I have been working at my particular job for quite a while now, and I have only ever had plutonic feelings for my fellow employees at my job until recently. You see, we've had a lot of issues with our company, and thus management has changed. One of our new managers is in his late 40's (I am in my late 20's) and married (2nd marriage and having issues). When he first started working there I didn't think about him as anything more than my boss (he is old enough to be my father after all!). Anyway, at first he would stare at me, and then look away, then that progressed to winking, but he never really spoke to me. Also, ever since he started he has always been really touchy with the staff (men included), but he never really touched me other than a pat on the back every now and then. So I started thinking he didn't like me very much, or thought there was something wrong with me (though I am a very clean and not bad looking person), which I suppose is what made me start thinking about him in general. So one day he was hugging one of the other female employees and then he came over and patted my back, so I said to him, "Oh I see, she gets a hug and I get a pat on the back." (I said it in a joking manner, but I really thought he just might not like me) Anyway, he leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "If I start hugging you, I will get myself into trouble." I thought he might be joking, but he was dead serious. Anyway, that was a few months ago, and he is always looking at me, or making comments to the other guys in the office that they need to get back to work instead of talking to me; he seems to get perturbed when any guy other than him is talking with me, though he doesn't act like that with the other female employees.

 

Okay, so I don't know when I really started likeing him, but I do. He is always complaining about his wife; they are now seperated and soon to be divorced. But then every time he starts getting personal with me, he will bring up my age, talking about how young I am, and how he "has to remember that." I know it is immoral to date my married boss, but I really like him. I don't know what to do! He has an issue with the age thing, not the fact that I am an employee. I have never liked an older man before, so I don't know what to do. I mean, how does one attract an older man, especially when he has an issue with the age difference?

 

I would really appreciate some open-minded advice! I already know the reprecussions of dating my employer (and of course I will wait until he is divorced before attempting anything), so I would really rather not have any moral judgements thrown at me, but if you feel that you must, do what you've got to do; what I would like, however, is advice on wheter or not (from what I have posted) you think he might like me, and, if so, how to ease his mind regarding our age difference.

 

Thank you.

[MadDog]

First off, get a divorce, then reevaluate. Maybe the third time will be when it all finally works out for you.

[blind_otter]

Okay, so I don't know when I really started likeing him, but I do. He is always complaining about his wife; they are now seperated and soon to be divorced. But then every time he starts getting personal with me, he will bring up my age, talking about how young I am, and how he "has to remember that." I know it is immoral to date my married boss, but I really like him. I don't know what to do! He has an issue with the age thing, not the fact that I am an employee. I have never liked an older man before, so I don't know what to do. I mean, how does one attract an older man, especially when he has an issue with the age difference?

 

Okay, I just need to know how the bolded statement makes any sense. "I know this is wrong, but tra la laaaaa!"

 

Liking someone isn't any reason to introduce yourself into an already complicated situation. I mean, you are just asking for heartache, sweetie. You know that, I know that, everybody in the whole world knows that.

 

Regardless of whether he's married -- even if he were in a LTR and just ending it, you would be the REBOUND girl. You're old enough to realize this, haven't you ever had a rebound fling with someone you normally wouldn't date? I've done it, sadly, too many times to count.

 

Then the whole thing about you being so willing to jeopordize your job and your livelihood to have a relationship? What relationship is worth that? I mean, it's one thing to date a co-worker, but your boss? You guys could break up, he could make up some random reason to fire you to get you out of his face, and that's it -- no job, no relationship, no money, and nothing to show for what you risked everything in your life to get.

 

That's just not very bright, babe.