tikigods Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Why I don't know if I could stay with anyone if they told me that, REGARDLESS of how the results come back. To me it would show that *I* don't mean anything to them, just a DNA donor Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Firstly I feel really bad for all you guys, everyone who's posted and shared intimate details of your lives I hope things work out for you. I think there are a number of problems here: 1) Sometimes when people get into a single relationship at a young age they miss a lot of growing up and formulating who they are. It's believed that around 25 and in your 40s a person has their formulative years where their personality "sets" as it were. We become that person around 25 and then later on we change again hence the "mid life crisis" it's all biological. If your wife feels she has missed/is missing out then she is trying to live that time period in "ultra fast" mode to compensate. 2) Having a child is sometimes one of the worst ways to save a relationship. I have friends who tried this and my sister married in similar circumstance albeit the flip side. If there are problems they may be deeper issues. These are unlikely to be resolved by having children, which can actually add increased stress to a relationship. Seen far too many friends do this and divorce in a short space of time. 3) You wife may be "destroying the family unit" because she is upset about not being able to conceive. I suspect that few of us including myself can imagine what finding you can't have children would do to someones mind. The issues might not at all be related to you - she could be married to a superstar and have no wants or needs but she still can't have a child. To some women that would make them feel like they were no longer women. And if she's hurt then she's lashing out and you're getting caught in it. She's upset and all her dreams seem to be no more. Those are just some thoughts I had when reading your situation. Sometime people change because it is the only way they can get through a hard time in their life and they hurt the people closest to them. I'm sure that when a married couple lose their only child there are similar emotional repercusions. These theories of mine can't possibly console you and I'm sorry for that but I'm just trying to see other perspectives and where your wife may be at the moment. On the other hand as one poster suggested there is the possibility of adoption. Now I know I wrote in 2) that "Having a child is sometimes one of the worst ways to save a relationship" but in your case the issue might be the not having a child. This could be a way to resolve it but you'd need to talk to your wife about it. I'm adopted and appreciate how it's made me who I am (obvious I know). I think that you should consider at least fostering a child and seeing how it changes things. The mothering instinct doesn't just vanish. Try kids around 4-5 (I think) when they are old enough to respond to adults and understand that they are with "new parents". Well anyway I really hope there is a solution. Good luck to you and everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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