How fast is too fast?

[Truth]

This guy Ive been interested in (and dated) for over a year now...he wasnt ready for a serious relationship (he had things to deal with, etc). But now he is, and since we've had problems lately, he's obviously found the need to look elsewhere. Pretty much she was at the right place at the right time, even though we as people are VERY compatiable. We just got back from a 2 week vacation (romantic, etc) and he meets this woman at a bar, only known her about 3 weeks...and they are already "dating". He is not a impulsive person like that, and he's always said he has to know someone a while and be best friends with them and know its right before he moves further (which is commendable). I thought I'd be next in line since we've been on the road to repairing things and getting along better (especially after a vacation). Get this too: She knows we went on vacation together, and she knows he has an STD...she seems to stick by him and not care about either. Anyway, I think he is moving way too fast, and it's just not like him.... How can you possibly know someone after 3 weeks, especially being as busy as he is...? I know few people who jump into relationships that fast, but they normally crash and burn. Any input to tell myself, others, and perhaps him would help!! Thanks.

 

Truth

[Tony T]

Don't worry about his life, worry about your own.

 

Hanging around somebody, waiting for them to be "ready" to date and assuming you are first in line is absolutely insane. People don't work like that.

 

Go about your life without depending on the whims of other people going your way. This guy made it very, very clear to you that he wasn't ready to date. When he became ready, he rightly exercised his prerogative to date whomever he desired. He never made any representations that he would date you...you only hoped and assumed.

 

Sometimes life batters us with lessons. In this case, you were a nice person to be around and have interaction with while he was "getting ready" to date.

 

You obviously think a lot of this guy. Break all contact with him. You want to be much more than a friend and he is interested in dating other people after knowing you a long time. This will be a dead-end deal for you and there's no good reason to put yourself through a lot of pain. I am assuming he is aware of your interest and has chosen to ignore the fact.

 

I hope you've learned it's not a good idea to wait around for somebody and assume that person is going to decide to date you.

 

If he knows you care for him and is still giving you all the details of his dating activity, he is a butthole of the highest order and you are so much better off without the no-good, low class scumbum.

[Truth]

Thank you for the feedback. In reality we were dating, just not in a full fledged "serious" relationship. We spent holidays together, vacations, we even went to a "swingers" club on New Years (which was the best New Years of his life), extremely close, everything in common, etc...until he hurt me. So now we're trying to repair things, to at least be friends...then move back up to where we were if so be it. He DID lead me on...I'm not a nieve little girl that doesnt know all the wonderful things he told me (about me, us, I would make a good wife, it's not me he's just not ready, etc) and kept "someday". This new woman is around mainly for the reason that him and I dont get along right now b/c weve been thru so much...it doesnt mean they will last. If I had just met him right now when he was ready, I'd be in her shoes. But regardless of me butting into his life. Him and some other people I know only know people weeks before they are "into" someone, that's ridiculous...especially since it's not like him. I guess if they want to rush into something and most likely crash and burn as fast as they got into it, the better it will be for me...unfortunately people dont realize that until months later. What is yalls opinion on something moving too fast? Thanks.