jannette1 Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 i just found out my husband of six yrs was planning on cheating on me with a girl that he works with. the thing is, I have hated this girl from day one (2 yrs ago) when I met her because she was a flirt and and flirt with everyguy at work, and he would tell me that she was a skank and to trust him, he would never goo there. I found a condom in his wallet, and after two days of pressure, he told me that they have been flirting very heavily and that the subject came up, but they were never set on a time, he just thought that if it happened it happened. He tells me he doesn't know what he was thinking, that he wants to stay married, and go to a counseler, but how do I ever trust hime again? He cant quit, this job is huge and it is our future. He told me he has stopped talking to her, and that he wants to save our marriage, but I dont know. I trusted him completely and this absolutely floored me. I am furious, hateful, sad, and bitchy all at the same time. We have 2 kids, one is only 4 wks old, and I just can't understand how anyone could hurt me like this. How do I cope? I wanted to confront her, but he told me that he did not want me to because of the company and he did not want it to cause problems for his job, but I cant help but want to beat them both!! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 This really has nothing to do with her, this is all about him. There is no reason to embarass yourself by stooping to having any contact with the likes of her at all. (I'm assuming she knows he's married) If this happened to me, I would not forgive and forget. He only told you about it and only didn't do it because he got caught. I strongly suspect this will happen again, and I would be shocked to learn it's the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I agree with Cat, he only told you when he got caught otherwise you would still be in the dark. I say kick him to the curb Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 First of all If he had the condom, then the intent to do her was strong enough for him to make an effort to go buy the condom. Secondly I don't believe he never did it yet with her. My bet would be that he just doesn't want to admit what already happened.... Thirdly If he had the condom - he has mentally already done her, even if he didn't actaully do it.... Either way, he has cheated (mentally, emotionally and possibly physically). Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I agree with Cat, he only told you when he got caught otherwise you would still be in the dark. I say kick him to the curb Right he intended in deed or he wouldn't have bought the condom !! He got his ass busted and couldn't lie to you. Why would he need one with you when you two are married? What a dumbass!!! I think he would have done it had it not gotten caught. Cause as Sunny said you think it you have done it. Link to post Share on other sites
ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 That is terrible and I never knew how many women this happened to until I read things on this site!! I am so sorry someone is hurtful enough to do something to you like that. And you are the mother of his children!!!! HE should respect you above any other woman, besides his own mother. I just dont understand how people can do this and have no care of hurting another person, especially their wife!!!!! I would say leave him, but that is way easier said than done, with kids and of course the love you have for him. Why would someone put you in such a horrible situation!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 That is terrible and I never knew how many women this happened to until I read things on this site!! I am so sorry someone is hurtful enough to do something to you like that. And you are the mother of his children!!!! HE should respect you above any other woman, besides his own mother. I just dont understand how people can do this and have no care of hurting another person, especially their wife!!!!! I would say leave him, but that is way easier said than done, with kids and of course the love you have for him. Why would someone put you in such a horrible situation!! Uuuuuummmmm, because he THOUGHT he could get away with having a "side dish" Link to post Share on other sites
Author jannette1 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 The condoms were ours, before I decided to have another kid, which is even dumber if you ask me, to use our own, like I wouldn't notice it was gone. I think I could handle it better if he had just gone out woth the guys and did something, the intentional part of it emotionally is crushing. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 The condoms were ours, before I decided to have another kid, which is even dumber if you ask me, to use our own, like I wouldn't notice it was gone. I think I could handle it better if he had just gone out woth the guys and did something, the intentional part of it emotionally is crushing. Intent is everything..... and something to seriously consider here. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 He cant quit, this job is huge and it is our future. If he stays at this job there may be no future. And not because he is more likely to cheat by staying there. He could cheat elsewhere just as easily. But because you will always wonder (for as long as she is there) whats going on while he is at work. It will be very difficult to build the trust back under these circumstances. If he does anything suspicious it will drive you batty. It could be something totally innocent but with the trust broken as it is you won't be able to keep the fear at bay. I'm not saying he should leave the job or he should stay. I'm simply reminding you how hard it will be on you. Even if he never cheats and is determined to fix the relationship it will be extremely hard for you to build trust under these circumstances. If you don't think you can stay married with him working there tell him. There are other jobs. Perhaps he could get transfered (if its possible). Or moved to another part of building. If you're really determined to fix the relationship don't let a job come in the way. If the only way to fix it is for him to leave it, and if he wants to fix it he wouldn't hesitate to leave it. Personally I'd file for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I agree with Sal, what sort of future will you have with a man that was so willing to cheat on you in the first place? He can easily cheat wherever he goes now and quite frankly I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him I say its time to throw in the towel and find someone that respects you Link to post Share on other sites
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