ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Heres a question to any guys ( or girls that know) who have cheated or thought about it... How could your girlfriend or wife prevened you from wanting to cheat or thinking about it? Is there something missing from the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 When I thought it was OK to cheat, there was something wrong with ME. No one could prevent it or change it, but me. And I didn't until I recognized that it was a reflection of the fact that I was faithless to everyone, even myself. That I lived my life from lies and dishonesty and therefore found it acceptible to introduce the lies and dishonesty into someone else's life. The fact that something was missing from the relationship gave me an excuse to engage in those behaviors, but I doubt anyone could avoid that. Every relationship has ups and downs. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 You can't control the behavior of another adult. You also cannot spend your life worrying if you're good enough to keep them from cheating. Cheating is something that happens because of the cheater, not the cheatee. If he's going to cheat, you could be Halle Berry, he's going to cheat. If you really really don't trust him, then you have to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 When I thought it was OK to cheat, there was something wrong with ME. No one could prevent it or change it, but me. And I didn't until I recognized that it was a reflection of the fact that I was faithless to everyone, even myself. That I lived my life from lies and dishonesty and therefore found it acceptible to introduce the lies and dishonesty into someone else's life. The fact that something was missing from the relationship gave me an excuse to engage in those behaviors, but I doubt anyone could avoid that. Every relationship has ups and downs. I agree that every relationship has its ups and downs but I wonder too if women focus more on a certain part of the relationship or if there are certain things that drive a guy to cheat. You have to work at a relationship and if you let certain things go then I wonder if that also drives a guy to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I agree that every relationship has its ups and downs but I wonder too if women focus more on a certain part of the relationship or if there are certain things that drive a guy to cheat. You have to work at a relationship and if you let certain things go then I wonder if that also drives a guy to cheat. I'm not sure there's a difference between a guy cheating and a woman cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 there is nothing YOU can do to stop the person from cheating, if a person is going to cheat they will find a way to do so Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 I'm not sure there's a difference between a guy cheating and a woman cheating. Oh i dont know, but i just thought that guys are more likely to do it b/c they have a greater sex drive... but i dont know, i really dont understand a lof of this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Oh i dont know, but i just thought that guys are more likely to do it b/c they have a greater sex drive... but i dont know, i really dont understand a lof of this stuff. Uh, that's a myth. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Oh i dont know, but i just thought that guys are more likely to do it b/c they have a greater sex drive... but i dont know, i really dont understand a lof of this stuff. that's a myth, as catgirl said. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 How do you prevent your guy from cheating? YOU DONT. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I trust my husband, but just so that he knows that screwing around isn't allowed in our marriage I've told him that it's not me who he has to worry about, but my two sisters, who still see me as their baby sister who needs their protection – I think he'd rather put up with me at my bitchiest than them on a good day Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 You can't prevent anyone (male or female) from cheating. Don't buy into that myth "he/she drove me to cheat". No one drives anyone to cheat except the cheater. Unhappiness in a relationship is no excuse to cheat. All relationships go thru rough patches from time to time. If the person you're with is too weak to weather the storm, there is nothing you can do to prevent it. If they're completely unhappy in the relationship and are too weak to express this to you or leave, there is nothing you can do about it. There are also cases where the relationship is fine and the cheater just wants to cheat because they think they're entitled to. Once again there is nothing you can do to prevent that. Some cheat even when they're happy with their SO but feel they can't be completely happy unless they occasionally sleep with someone new and exciting. You can't prevent that either. Be a good partner for the person you're with. If you do that and they are a good partner/person the rest will fall into place. And if it doesn't they weren't the person you thought they were and you're better off without them. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 You can't - either they are the type that will or won't. The hard part is trying to figure out which category they belong to.... Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 You can make certain that he understands that if he cheats, you are gone, like he never existed, and that there is no forgive and forget and no exceptions. Actually, I don't know if that works on a man, but it does with most women I have met. Plus, a decent number (but not too many) BJs will help. Lastly, as everyone else has said, a person who cheats has something wrong with THEM. You may be able to prevent some cheating, but that's a little like paying someone not to steal your car. People shouldn't get rewarded for doing what they are supposed to do anyway. So don't do anything in particular that you wouldn't already do to keep the relationship alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Working on problems always helps a marriage remain strong. With a therapist, if need be. That won't prevent cheating but it does sometimes prevent a marriage from deteriorating to a point where it doesn't matter anymore to one person. Link to post Share on other sites
blue636 Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 I'm going to echo some of the sentiment on the board and tell you that you can't prevent anyone from doing anything. I mean, Hugh Grant was going out with a fox like Elizabeth Hurley and cheated on her with some ugly prostitute. Life just sucks sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 I think theres lots of different reasons for people cheating...but at the end of the day cheating on someone is a choice and there's no excuses for it really. If there's a lack of attention or sex in a relationship you owe it to yourself and the partner you committed to to say something about it and work it out. If things don't change and your partner makes no effort...are you sure you want to be with this person if they care so little for your needs? Link to post Share on other sites
THX2000 Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Oh i dont know, but i just thought that guys are more likely to do it b/c they have a greater sex drive... but i dont know, i really dont understand a lof of this stuff. I know that as a guy I have a massive sex drive. However, I was also raised with some morals and they keep me on the straight and narrow when it comes to decisions of morality. My father raised me a certain way to respect people (and myself) and not to treat people in such a way and he has now passed on. I simply think of what he would say if I did such a thing and that immediately drives any thoughts of infidelity from my mind. Everyone thinks about having sex with people other than thier SO. The people that are weak minded and/or have no morals act on these urges and cheat - nothing you can do to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Aye, what everyone else said. It's safe to consider that a 'cheat' problem is a part of a person's personality. If you know they are unable to maintain a safe level of self control; then you should not be with that individual. Not to change the topic, but you know what I hate? No offense to cheaters, but it's a poor attempt at an excuse. I hate when cheaters say: " By cheating, it made me realize just how much I love my bf/gf, fiance, wife/husband. " As if cheating is a way to boost the love you currently have! BS PEOPLE!! YOU CHEAT, YOU LOSE! Just like in the game GTA: San Andreas, you enter a cheat code during your game progression and it screws you up forever! Only way to fix it, is to start from scratch! I know it's a bad comparison, but work with me! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 "How do you prevent your guy from cheating?" They haven't come up with that formula, yet....-I doubt they ever will. Cheating is like stealing: you just roll over and consciously choose to do it. How is it like stealing? Well, when some are caught stealing, they give the same excuses: "I didn't have this or that..and that's why....or " It was a thrill"....or "He/she did it...."....or the all-time favorite cop-out, "I dunno". Cheaters, if you think about it, have used everyone of those lines as an excuse for their wrongdoing. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 It depends on the reasons why someones done it to if you could prevent it.There are loads of reasons why people do it. A sort of friend of mine said to me its not the act that hurts someone its the finding out about it.Which isnt really nice.In other words hes saying its ok as long as your partner doesnt know about it.I personally think its wrong to cheat.Whereas if your the one being cheated on youd feel hurt and betrayed but if it was you doing the cheating youd know why you was doing it and would have to live with the guilt.I think if you feel like you are going to cheat you should take time to think about why you want to and try to solve the problem.If you cant leave the other person,if you care anything for them you would save them the hurt. Ive been cheated on before and i thought of things like i wasnt good enough and everything it really hurt.But i got drunk one night and cheated on him-my reasons...probably revenge.It hurt him too and he went mad.Fair enough im not suprised but how could he be like that when hed done exactly the same to me before i dont know.I guess he could give but couldnt take his own medicine.I sound really nasty for doing it but it was a long time ago and i do regret it.Weve split up and to be honest im glad. I think if youve cheated once in a relationship theres a big chance you'll do it again.Its a messy game. I dont think you can prevent someone from cheating because they probably dont know thereselves until the time if they would.If they really love you and care about you then that alone should stop them. Link to post Share on other sites
prfrogkisser Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I have to agree with everyones response. You cant really prevent anyone from cheating or doing anything. Noone makes anyone do anything. Its that persons choice.If someone loves you they wont hurt you but sad to say it happens. Often there are signs but when you are in love we often avoid, overlook or just ignore them. When someone cheats its because of various reasons. They look for whats missing in their current realtionship in someone else or they have sexual addictions (Ex. Bill Clinton). This is an very serious illness. The person might love you but due to emotional and psychological issues they cant help themselves and put their life, career and love ones in jeapardy in order to get a sexual fix. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ali0812 Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 Well, my boyfriend I guess kind of cheated but on an online affair and I pretty much got over it ... I guess. I was very confident and very secure before it all happened but also I was pretty naive. The thing that I keep seeing on these posts are that people keep saying that it is completely normal for guys to lust and want to have sex with other women.... I relaly just dont agree with that. I think it is normal to notice beautiful people, but when you are in a real relationship and you have told that person that you want to be with them... then what is the difference between thinking about having sex with other women and actually doing it.. the only thing stopping you then is the fact that they are not there in the room with you. And why do guys feel this way about other women if they really love who they are with? DO they really honestly separate love and sex that much:? Why cant women do that also then:? This is what makes me feel like I am afraid of being cheated on. I dont think my boyfriend would... I relaly honestly KNOW he loves me. But I have caught him looking at pictures of other women in positions that should only be between me and him. And you cant say hes only admiring a beautiful woman because he could do that with her clothes on!! Hes doing more than that. I dont believe that he is not thinking about sex with this person(even if it is a picture) because what else woudl you think about when looking at a woman with a perfect body bent over in front of you???? And if you had the chance to see her in person, then what would stop you from anything else? I really wish a guy could answer these questions honestly without making it seem like women are the bad guy here. There are tons of beautiful people... Guys too, but i dont care to see them naked! I love my boyfriend so much and it would make me sick to have sex with another guy right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Hi i was in a bit of a mess before because i didnt want my bf looking at pictures of other women.It made me very jelous and insecure.Ive realised now that you cant control anyones thoughts,infact if i dont know about them it doesnt hurt me.Like he cannot control mine. I always joke to my boyfriend now when he says someones attractive that why would he want them when hes got me.He actually agrees lol.I dont like myself that much but i think that you do find other people attractive.I think loads of people are attractive but i wouldnt sleep with them. As for him looking at other pictures everyone has fantasies.It sometimes hurts but fantasies arent real and if they was real they wouldnt be nearly as good. As long as hes not addicted its pretty much normal bloke behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I'm going against the grain here... I guess because I cheated on my exH I feel qualified to answer this question. I think there are two types of cheaters. Habitual, who see nothing wrong with it. And the ones who made a horrible mistake. I don't want to get into a debate as to the evils of cheating, or people's opinions on how morally corrupt they are.. I'm just going to give a few ways in which you can make your partner happy and satisfied in the relationship so that they won't want to consider someone else. Listen to your partner. When they say they need something then do it. Don't wait for it to go away. If he says he wants more sex, or more exciting sex, then do it. Make it a priority. Just like if your boss were to say he wants something done, you do it if you want to keep your job. If your SO is important to you, then when they ask for something make it a priority for you too. Really listen to your partner. Ask more questions. Be interested in how they think and what they mean, and what they want. People have a tendency to get too comfortable and assume we provide all our partner could ever want in a relationship. That we know our partner, and instead of actively listening we let the problems of our day create excess noise. We don't hear all they are saying, and therefore aren't able to pick up on those wants and desires our partner is trying to express. We become deaf. When you start to notice your partner is less then happy, be proactive. Most everyone just reacts. And reacts negatively. We take insult and injury from our partner distancing themselves. What we should be doing is working on the problem. But I think most have a tendency to wall ourselves in, in order to protect ourselves from hurt. It's kind of like having your boss chew you out if you don't start producing better work. You can chose to take it negatively and continue the same behavior, or take it as constructive critism and work harder at meeting the standards that have been given. Proactive also means initiating conversation on whether their needs are being met. Explaining why you may not have been able to and what you are doing to change that. Keep the communication active. Don't make it your partners total responsibility to work it out. Put effort into it, and communicate that effort. ie. "I set the day aside so that I could do X for you, and when your ready I'll be available." But if you don't communicate this, your partner doesn't know what you are doing. We don't read minds, so let your partner know why you are doing something. Show a strong desire to meet your partners needs. Don't assume you know their needs no matter how long you've been with someone. People change, their needs change. Communicate, be proactive, put effort into resolving any problems. Basically, all the things you need in order to have a healthy, happy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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