What the??

[Guest]

Okay, sit back and relax...this may be long...

 

I met a man through a mutual friend and we got to know each other. He always had a thing for me, and over time, I developed feelings for him.

 

We began emailing each other daily, sometimes exchanging up to 150 emails in a day. We then progressed to phone calls, in which sometimes he'd call me 7 or 8 times a day, and we'd be on the phone 30 minutes plus each time. We said 'I love you' to each other a few times. We started a sexual relationship.

 

Fast forward 10 months, and now he tells me he doesn't love me, and that he feels guilt after we have sex because he feels like I view it as this big intimate thing.

 

But....his reasoning for not loving me is that the similarities between me and his ex wife are too much that it frightens him. They divorced because she cheated on him, so he feels that he doesn't want a repeat of that.

 

Yet, we still continue to have a sexual relationship and we still do the email and phone call thing. We usually see each other at least once a week, and I visit him at his job (he's a dj at a club) several nights a week.

 

Will this man ever realize how good he has it with me and get over the weirdness about the similarities? And, if he DID love me in the past....is it possible for him to love me again?

 

Help!

[Mary3]

This is absolute cra* !

 

First of all the obsessiveness of 150 emails each day. Its just too much . I can see maybe 3 a day if you are nuts about eachother. Who in the world has time for 150 emails a day ? My eyes would be sore reading all those.

 

8 Phone calls a day sounds like alot. I have been known to call someone I am interested a couple of times a day and talk for an hour or two if we are in the discovery phase.

 

" I love you " can only be said when you have spent ALOT of quality time with that person in real life. Before you said " I love you " How many hours of real time did you spend with this man ? How many days , if you will ?

 

Starting the sexual stuff. Did he mention sex related things on the phone before you began this ? Did he ask you about your fantasies or sexual things at all ? Was he warming you up for the Deed ?

 

So, he got the sex and lots of it and now hes bored and does not want your package anymore.

 

Thats where the time table comes in and you spend LOTS of time together and then the sex starts later. ( Yes, I am guilty of doing the sex too early so I can cast no stones ) I think we all have a personal time table for the right time for sex.

 

SO you remind him of his cheating ex ? Wow. And so he continues to have sex with you but does not love you. How sad. Sounds like a habit for him and a way for YOU to keep him close.

 

This needs to STOP !

 

I did this once and I promise you will be dumped and he will find someone else. Meanwhile he has sex with you until the next Miss RIght comes along.

 

He has lost love and respect for you. Communication is next. Without those you have NOTHING.

 

Please be good to yourself and get him out of your life . You need somone who loves and cares about you.

 

Please post back because I suspect he will beg and plead when the sex gravy train gets cut off.

 

Let us know what happens.