women? or just her?

[Breen67]

hi,

 

Maybe someone could give me some advice on this.

 

In 2002:

I was with a girl 4 years ago for about a year . We met at a wedding and hit it off immediatly...... we had a very passionate reltionship very fast , resulting from the relationship was her confession that she loved me "only 2 months in" which I thought was a little fast. I thought it was fast because I dont trust easy and it takes me time to open up.

As a result of the pressure of my parents not liking her and my feelings for her being so strong that I was actually scared.......... I brushed her off or tried too. We were both going to college in September so I used that as a pitch to breakup. Immediatly she started crying when I told her I wanted to breakup........ a honest hurt cry, and I realized that I had made a huge mistake. I have had lots of time to think about it, and it wasent just because I realized how much she cared about me ...it was because when I saw her in pain , I wanted to take it all away and put it on me ........... that was when I realized I loved her.

Sep 2002:

We decided to stay together , one because I realized how much I trully did care for her , I explained how how I felt and why I did what I did that day....she understood , and if anything things got better. We both went to school and my love for her grew each day. We saw eachother on weekends, passionate so I thought ..happy so I thought , and then in December of 02 we broke up because she claimed she didnt love me anymore ," the spark" was gone. Crushed by the news I did what any man would do..I survived. I made attempts to confront her in person to see if what she told me was true, she was very confident and honest in her decision.

 

So being a fairly good looking guy I had fun in the next few years, these women never had my heart though , it always belonged to her ..it seemed like the more I tried to get her out of my mind the harder it became.

 

In the fall of 04 I moved to a city to pursue a career after college. Call it fait? she not only lived in the same city as me? but on the same street. She added me to MSN one day, admitting how much she missed me, I was happy to hear from her again but it was bittersweet seeing as how she lived with her boyfriend. She was flirty of course , " bringing up things we used to say to eachother in the heat of the moments". I told her I loved her still she said she didnt feel the same way that was it, I didnt talk to her I thought f*** it.

 

then as 05 rolled around she talked to me a few times on MSN ...... I kind of just thought I would live with the fact she dosent love me ..or so I thought. Around Christmas I decided I was in s*** or get off the spot stage with this situation. I went and visited her one last time at work, because we hadnt really talked face to face in 4 years.

 

It was great actually, and as a result she ended up calling me on New Years .....like a few hours before the ball drops with her boyfriend in the background. Clearly she still had strong feelings for me. Of course my feelign s were starting to heat up again as well.

 

Weeks passed into the new year and I was making the initiative to try and get back together wit her. She told me she couldnt see me she was spending the weekend with her boyfriend. I asked her why she had added me and she said she "didnt like loosing contact with good people" pfffff ....... so I told her I loved her and I couldnt be her friend, I wasent bitter to it's full extent like the past, I just said I didnt want to sit on the sidelines and watch her in love. She said she wasent in love! she said she was with a amazing guy... I said okay bye....and her next reaction was weird????? she said.....are you really leaving ? ....I knew you would leave!

 

Angry because I was gone? in my eyes I thought it was a situation where I as the in case man..in case she 's alone again she has someone convienient???? was I right to make the decision I did and not talk to her???? or should I have been patient and waited for my right chance???

 

 

I 'm confident and single, but I still love , want her from time to time ...sheould I move on???

 

need some expert advice here folks, send your thoughts to [email protected]

[Just Visiting]

I know you love her and want to try anything to get the relationship back, and I have to say that you need to let her go. Looking at her actions, she does want you in her life but not in the way you want. She has feelings but are not strong enough to re-establish a relationship. If a romantic relationship is all you are willing to receive from her, than step away from this situation. Trying to be friends will only hurt you more.

[MadDog]

If you had a live-in girlfriend, would you want her ex to try to get her back?

[Ukwizard]

Wow, Breen67

 

Your situation sounds very volitile. I m not sure if you really want a second chance after you said goodbye to her.

 

want her from time to time ...should I move on???

 

Do you really want a second chance if you ONLY want her from time to time?

 

My friends and family have always advised me that you have to be a positive, and caring person to the other party you are trying to attract. Remember when you first fell in love with each other. She must have fell in love with a really nice guy with good qualities, and other attributes. Nobody, I mean nobody likes to hang around negative people or people that are down. It gets you down too. If you constantly argue and stress her out. She will remember these situations or scenarios. She will one day ultimately weigh them up befoe she decides if she will ever get back with you. Every argument or every time you pressurise her she move one step further from getting back with you

 

I m not so sure if its a good idea to make her come back to you. Remember she has a boyfriend. In some situations if the relationship is pretty good, then this may drive them closer seeing YOU as the loser or clingy ex boyfriend.

 

The tactic is to be level headed and nice about everything. Be something that is there for her when she is having a bad time with her current boyfriend. You cant make someone love you overnight. It takes time and if the situation dictates ,or when the timing is right she may come back.

 

It takes time and patience. Dont just focus on her though. Also look around for other available partners now that you are single.