Heart-Wrenched Nustart

[Andrea]

My exboyfriend and I had a discussion last night and agreed to try slowly to work things out. I decided to get an answer since he doesn't like confrontation. I told him we either end it completely or if we start to see each other, in order to work things out, we are to see no one else, intimately, romantically, etc. He said he isn't with anyone now and not that he necessarily enjoys the dating scene but just adjusted his life differently, not expecting me to want him back. Now it is a shock. He said he still loves me but the commitment of having to answer to someone, he doesn't know if he wants. He said he is used to not having to answer to someone, worry about someone getting mad if he is too tired to call one night and me feeling like I am using him for a ride to see his son, and arugments. He said a relationship is about making each other happy and just because it makes him happy to not loose contact with his son

 

because of my helping him get there doesn't mean he is using me or that will change once he gets his license and a car, because I stood by him. I admitted I have to understand if he is too tired to call sometimes and not to question him and that if we work atwhat went wrong, such as his arrogant attitude, we don't have to fight. He agreed to take it slow on these terms.

 

I am just such a tender heart and leary. How do I handle this situation until we get back to how things were? Do I just relax and not question him and just enjoy the times we spend without discussion and see where it goes-take it lightly and not question him calling or going out with his friends if I'm not invited? Help please! I really want this to work.

[Kaz]

My exboyfriend and I had a discussion last night and agreed to try slowly to work things out. I decided to get an answer since he doesn't like confrontation. I told him we either end it completely or if we start to see each other, in order to work things out, we are to see no one else, intimately, romantically, etc. He said he isn't with anyone now and not that he necessarily enjoys the dating scene but just adjusted his life differently, not expecting me to want him back. Now it is a shock. He said he still loves me but the commitment of having to answer to someone, he doesn't know if he wants. He said he is used to not having to answer to someone, worry about someone getting mad if he is too tired to call one night and me feeling like I am using him for a ride to see his son, and arugments. He said a relationship is about making each other happy and just because it makes him happy to not loose contact with his son because of my helping him get there doesn't mean he is using me or that will change once he gets his license and a car, because I stood by him. I admitted I have to understand if he is too tired to call sometimes and not to question him and that if we work atwhat went wrong, such as his arrogant attitude, we don't have to fight. He agreed to take it slow on these terms. I am just such a tender heart and leary. How do I handle this situation until we get back to how things were? Do I just relax and not question him and just enjoy the times we spend without discussion and see where it goes-take it lightly and not question him calling or going out with his friends if I'm not invited? Help please! I really want this to work.

Your situation sounds similar to mine, my boyfriend and I keep going back and forth on this. He says he just wants time and space for awhile and I guess I have problems giving it to him. Its hard to just enjoy the time we have together without wanting more. I know I should be patient because its happened before more comes after I give him some time. What I have decided to do is create more activities for myself so I am busy and I don't think about him as often. That way maybe I'll be able to get through it. Email me if you want to chat or here more about my situation maybe we can support each other.

[Andrea]

Thanks Kaz. It helps to know someone else is going through the same thing. Lets see what happens this weekend if I see him. I have been doing too much of the calling. I wrote everything I think and feel in a letter to him so that I don't forget or think of something later I should have said in our rushed conversation since he doesn't like to have

 

serious discussions. I just hope he didn't agree to this to get me off the phone because it was late and he was cranky.

 

I'm feeling pretty insecure right now. Frankly, I'm tired of looking like the bad guy for dating someone else for a little attention that was lacking, when he broke it off with me before I even met someone else. My heart just leads me back to him. Now I feel I have to prove to him, no matter how much I explain it isn't the case, that I don't want to be with him because I am lonely. I don't need a relationship and have had offers. I don't want anyone else.

 

I hope I am not wasting my time and he comes to his senses.

 

Everyone knows how much I put up with and how good I treated him.

 

Good luck with your situation and let me know what happens.

 

How long have you been with yours?

 

Your situation sounds similar to mine, my boyfriend and I keep going back and forth on this. He says he just wants time and space for awhile and I guess I have problems giving it to him. Its hard to just enjoy the time we have together without wanting more. I know I should be patient because its happened before more comes after I give him some time. What I have decided to do is create more activities for myself so I am busy and I don't think about him as often. That way maybe I'll be able to get through it. Email me if you want to chat or here more about my situation maybe we can support each other.