Bad and scary thoughts

[Noos]

I'm beginning to worry quite a lot about relationships. Not a blind panic that makes me ready to settle for whoevr comes along but a sadness that, as I turn 34 later in the year, the ideal that I had of being happily married and having to kids is becoming more remote. A few more years down the track and the whole kids option closes off.

 

When I was young I never imagined a life of involuntary solitude.

 

Does anyone else ever wonder what actually happened to them? What YOU might have done so differently from everyone else that love has eluded you? It's like there was a game of musical chairs and everyone else sat down in 1999 or you feel like the ship has sailed and you didn't even make it down to the dock in the first place?

 

Any tips for coping as a single person when all your friends are coupled up?

 

How can I stay positive?

[Mary3]

You can be happily married at age 82 so that idea of never finding love and marraige does not have to be true.

Having a child after 35 does have risks but after 45 its far higher.

 

You can accelerate your dream by getting involved in things that interest you and in hopes of finding someone there who shares the same interests.

 

Never give up hope

[jerbear]

Honestly, I met her (an ex) when she was 35 and I still thought she was beautiful. Even now I sometimes miss her but have to move on, she is still beautiful but chose an older man, she is now 40. I'm 31 now.

 

So it is still possible. Now if you want someone w/o kids, never married is a little hard but not impossible.

[luvtoto]

Sorry you are having such a hard time, Noos. I can relate to your feelings.

 

Yea, I have a BF, but he's super busy and sometimes, it still feels like I'm single.. and lonely. But, I have the attitude that other people don't make you happy anyways. It's up to me.

 

I used to have the attitude that I need a man to have fun.

 

Found myself damn lonely and sitting on the couch alot. Expecting life to come to me! My thinking was all messed up. Bad!

 

Started to force myself to get the hell out of the house! Try new things.

 

Hell, now, I have an attitude that I don't need a man to make me happy. If I wanna go camping with my kids, I will. I can do it.

 

I doubt if you were to meet a woman, during this rut that you are in, if she would find you attractive. No offense, but you may come across as desperate.

 

My point is don't wait for life to come to you! LIVE LIFE every day.. I am sure with that attitude, you will attract women like flies.

 

If it doesn't happen for you ... brace yourself that just might happen ... at least you had fun in the meantime.

 

Seems like the more you want something... the less chance that you'll get it.

 

Hey, life isn't fair. You got to make the best of what you got.

[westernxer]

Stop viewing yourself as single. It's a stigma, designed to make you feel bad.

 

I'm not in any sort of relationship at the moment, and in recent years I've lost contact with all my married comrades, due in part to my marital status (or lack thereof).

 

Find new friends, or engage in activitities that enable you to meet like-minded folks. It's the only way.

 

Alcohol is another nice alternative... kidding, of course.

[luvtoto]

Good to see you again, westernxer!

[Noos]

Thanks.

Luvtoto - just for the record - I'm a girl looking for a guy.

I do have lots fo hobbies and go out a lot. I'm certainly not waiting on the couch for Prince Charming.

I'm just getting frustrated because I do go out and mix etc but never meet anyone.

If I were totally desperate I'd settle down with whoever was around.

I'm just venting cause Prince Charming is f*cking late (typical!).

 

Am going to a wine and food thing tomorrow at a local hotspot. Maybe there'll be at least some eye candy there.

 

Is there a man drought in the USA? In Australia, all the major dailies keep runnign stories about how there is a man shortage here and there are four girls competing for every 1 guy.

[justagirliegirl]

Is there a man drought in the USA? In Australia, all the major dailies keep runnign stories about how there is a man shortage here and there are four girls competing for every 1 guy.

 

No man drought here. Maybe the 4 girls are competing for 1 jerk while many less flashy men go unoticed.

 

My bf is Aussie and I'm American so I don't think there really is any man drought there either.

[luvtoto]

Thanks.

Luvtoto - just for the record - I'm a girl looking for a guy.

oh..sorry.

 

Is there a man drought in the USA?

I just remember the days when I was always wondering when my prince charming would show up. One day, I just told myself that it probably wasn't gonna happen. The man ratio where I live is for every 1 guy there are at least a town full of women ready to snatch him up.

 

When I finally decided to accept my situation, I seemed much happier and more content.

 

I am dating someone now, but I still have that independent side of me engraved in my brain. It's hard to let it go once you get there.

[dgiirl]

Noos, i can somewhat relate. I'm 31 and getting divorced. I have no kids, so that was a major concern for me. I had started to put myself on a timetable, it'll take x number of years before i meet someone i'd want to date, then x number of years b4 getting married, then x number of years b4 having kids, etc. It added SOOO much stress to myself that I would get anxiety attacks. I'm just trying to go with the flow and whatever life throws at me, I'll deal with. I may or may not ever get married again. I might never have my dream of having a family. These ARE things I want, but life might not bring them to me. The trick to being optimistic is allowing life to throw these curves at you and appreciating where it DOES take you, not where it wont.

 

I think maybe the fact that you ARE concerned with these things is perhaps coming out subconsciously when you meet a guy. And that will surely freak guys out and make them run in the opposite direction. Friends keep reminding me that if i REALLY want a kid, i can have one. I dont need to be married or even with a man to have a kid. Plus, a lot of women are having kids later and later in life, and others are adopting. There's still a lot of choices for us, even if we dont have our own kids. Yes, it might not be our ideal choice, but not everything in life works out. We can still enjoy what we DO have.