Addicted to self destructive behavior

[whydoidoit?]

I am a a woman in the 30s, married with children. I am addicted to self destructive behavior.

All this has stemmed from my H actions, (affair) and I cant stop.

I have always had a touch of aneroxia since my teens. I eat when I have to, when I get weak.

I want to cut, when I cry too much. I know this is so pathetic, i am so pathetic. Who would do this?

Answer......me, and I dont know why. Yes, I do. It feels so good when I hurt myself. I DONT KNOW WHY! It is like the pain is temporally removed by my body.

If I dont eat, I get pleasure out of seeing myself look thin. (I dont over do it, I am not skin and bones.) Men tell me all the time how good I look, so to me it is persmission to do this.

When I feel really bad, on the floor crying, I want to cut. Instead of cutting (it leves evidence of SD behavior) I will make myself vomit. I dont know why, but after i do it, the tears stop, I can collect myself.

I think I will get help, I have to. NO ONE knows this. Not true. I told my H that I am aneroxic, he didnt belive me. That made things worse.

I dont know what to get from here, just venting I guess.

Please dont say hateful things here, I hurt enough.

I dont think I could tell anyone else anything.

If my H doesnt belive me, who will?

[confused6925]

I am a a woman in the 30s, married with children. I am addicted to self destructive behavior.

All this has stemmed from my H actions, (affair) and I cant stop.

I have always had a touch of aneroxia since my teens. I eat when I have to, when I get weak.

I want to cut, when I cry too much. I know this is so pathetic, i am so pathetic. Who would do this?

Answer......me, and I dont know why. Yes, I do. It feels so good when I hurt myself. I DONT KNOW WHY! It is like the pain is temporally removed by my body.

If I dont eat, I get pleasure out of seeing myself look thin. (I dont over do it, I am not skin and bones.) Men tell me all the time how good I look, so to me it is persmission to do this.

When I feel really bad, on the floor crying, I want to cut. Instead of cutting (it leves evidence of SD behavior) I will make myself vomit. I dont know why, but after i do it, the tears stop, I can collect myself.

I think I will get help, I have to. NO ONE knows this. Not true. I told my H that I am aneroxic, he didnt belive me. That made things worse.

I dont know what to get from here, just venting I guess.

Please dont say hateful things here, I hurt enough.

I dont think I could tell anyone else anything.

If my H doesnt belive me, who will?

 

Well, I have the problem with the anorexia part, so i know how u feel w/that. it started when i was about 14 (around the time of my fathers affair) and has lingered with me for 7 years now. my low point was 5'5, 92 lbs. I get a real sick pleasure seeing my bones and hearing people tell me how skinny i am. funny thing is, is i don't think i'm that skinny (right now i'm 5'5 and weigh 110lbs). whenever people talk to me about it, i get really upset because they don't understand. it is a horrible mental disease that i wish i could get rid of. every day, all day, all i think about is how to loose weight, how fat i am, what i can or can't eat, and how i better exercise. i've never tried to get help. i think because i see help, as me getting fat. I think your case sounds a lot more serious than mine, and u should definately talk to a doc./psy. You said your h doesn't believe u and neither does my fiancee. he never understands why he sees this thin woman, yet i can only see fat. I don't think men look that deep into it, considering the fact the disease mainly affects woman. as for the cutting, u really need to stop that. that is so dangerous and u have children who love u. i definately think u need to get help asap with that. Hope i can help u!