Should I respond and break NC

[Abbo]

Hey everyone, and thanks for all your help in the past. Reading these boards has been so good for me!

 

Ok, Me and my ex were together for 4 years, 10 days ago she decided she wanted out. Said she loved me, I was her best friend, great lover, and perfect potential husband, but she needed to break up and evaluate what she wants in her life.

 

She had been weird for a couple of weeks so I knew something was coming. Red flags like not talking to me for days!! (always a give away!) So I confronted her, and asked why she was doing this. And then she said she wanted to break up!

 

She said that it was unfair to ask me to wait around, so that is why she had to break up, and not just break. I said I couldn't wait anyway, I love her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but i'm better than sitting and waiting around.

 

So we packed all her stuff up from my place, loaded the car, and then said our tearful goodbyes. I reminded her of how much I love her, and that she was taking a huge risk because I couldn't promise I wouldn't have totally moved on if she changed her mind. I cried, she cried, she didn't want to go and said "I can't leave you like this" and I told her she had to. She then said " just give me a bit of time" on the way out of the door, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I had also said that I couldn't be her friend right now because I love her so much, and to be honest have no idea why she is risking throwing us away. I said I would not contact her, but she should at any point, no matter how many days months or years, contact me if she changed her mind. "I might be married with kids by then, but you owe it to yourself and me to try"

 

So, i'm totally confused! I'm 28, and shes 24, so understand shes at that stage in her life.

 

NC for me!! But here's the big question for you all!!

After three days I receive this

"I've got to get some sleep as i'm up at half 4 but just wanted 2 say I haven't stopped thinking about you all weekend. Just give me a bit of time, I'm trying to sort myself out."

 

I did not respond. She's not telling me what I want to hear, so whats the point, and i believe she is now being unfair, and think she wants me to wait around!

 

So again, I kept myself busy, and then last night at 9pm (not a drunken contact!)

 

"I'm so sorry i'm doing this to you. I'm so fu*cked up. But I miss you so much, i'm just so depressed at the moment. I'm so sorry"

 

Help me!! does that warrant a response from me!??? or is she just feeling guilty for what she has done, and whats me to say its ok?

 

Thanks everyone in advance for reading this. You are all great, and it feels like i've got a big team behind me helping me get through this!

 

-ABBO-

[kypepeo]

I think that you need to find out what's going on with her. She has to give some sort of explanation as to why she's run off like that. you two are partners in everything and she should let you in on this thing that has messed her up so badly.

 

With that said, I think it's important to be there for her. you have been together for a long time so these are the downs you have to deal with if this relationship is for real. What's unfair is her leaving you out in the cold like that. If she has issues, it would mean a lot to her if you supported her, even if that is hard for you and means keeping your distance for a bit. Talk to her and let her know that she has to meet you halfway

[westernxer]

"I'm so sorry i'm doing this to you. I'm so fu*cked up. But I miss you so much, i'm just so depressed at the moment. I'm so sorry"

 

Help me!! does that warrant a response from me!??? or is she just feeling guilty for what she has done, and whats me to say its ok?

 

She's feeling guilty and wants your approval.

 

Do what you like, but if you respond and it makes you feel sick inside, you'll regret doing so.

 

What's the point? She needs her space, so give it to her. Sympathy is a cop out.

 

Same thing is happening to a buddy at work... it's killing him because he won't shut the door completely, and he's wasted all his sick days because of it. He doesn't say too much about it, but I know just from looking at him that he's suffering, and it's happening too frequently to blame it on a flu virus.

[GB111]

Hi Abbo,

 

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Unfortunately, I have learned that someone either really loves you or they don't. In this case, the only time I've ever seen this work out is after a LONG (years) period of time. She is young, inexperienced, and wants to experience life a bit. Oh, how times have changed. She undoubtedly thinks of you at times, but that is not love.

 

My suggestion is that you continue NC. If you've been strong enough to this point, then the rest is downhill. Ironically, it's always women who are looking for GOOD men, but it's the men who take breaking up the hardest. If you're a good man (and I assume you are) it's just a matter of time.

 

Regards,

 

GB