friends or not?

[lewiswilde]

Ok so, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago because he said he "never loved me as more than a friend." This is bs...the way that he handled our relationship was way different then he handles his friendships, and I have a feeling he just ran away from things. I mean, things were fine until the night where he slept over at my house and told me how much loved me...opened up to me about a ton of things...and said that he just wanted to hold me, and that we were going to last a long time. After we broke up, he said he wanted to stay friends, and since then things have been so hot and cold. He would talk to me for days, we'd fight, he asked me to model for his college photography portfolio, or go out with him late at night, he told me he never wanted to speak to me and didn't for a week, and each time we get into a fight, it's always him getting back in touch or starting conversation again.

 

However, here's the most recent dilemma.

 

So Thursday night I'm lying in bed at about 8:45pm, ready to turn in for sleep, when my phone rings. It's my ex-boyfriend, who I haven't talked to in a week and a half, because he had been ignoring me and just didn't want to talk.

 

So he calls and leaves me a message asking if I want to go watch a movie with him and then get drunk. I'm confused. Three days ago we weren't even speaking, and then he wanted to see me?

 

Anyhow, I told him to come pick me up at around 12:30am, and he was fine with that. I snuck out of my house and we parked his car and watched a DVD. He gave me a new pack of cigarettes, and then proceeded to share one of his with me as we were watching the movie. We laughed and teased each other a little while we were watching, and then he started to drive me home.

 

Well, instead of just dropping me off at my house, he parked on a backstreet behind it and gets out. I, somewhat confused, also get out and ask him what he's doing...because he's opening up a bottle of wine. He tells me that he's having something to drink, and he'll see me later. Naturally, I'm like "Uh, no."

 

So I stole his bottle, which resulted in him chasing me around the neighbor's backyard, me dumping the bottle, him saying he had another one in the car, me grabbing that bottle, and us wrestling for it in the backseat for about twenty minutes before we finally comprimised on sharing it together (which i think was his original intent anyway).

 

I get a little past tipsy, and he's perfectly fine. We're giggling and talking and at one point I end up falling over and putting my head on his lap. He reaches over and holds my hand and starts stroking my hair affectionatly. We have a few cigarettes, talk about random stuff, and then he walks me home...actually taking me to my room, making my bed, and then tucking me in. I tell him that I've really missed him, and he looks somewhat frusteraited, then says that I'm only saying that because I'm drunk and leaves.

 

So I woke up yesterday morning...and I just feel akward. When we broke up he said he still wanted to be friends and has called me and asked me to hang out multiple times. I just...I don't understand it very much. I don't get why he would call me after not speaking to me for nearly two weeks, be so nice, and act so affectionatly towards me while I was tipsy.

 

I'm just confused by this entire situation. Part of me wonders if he still has feelings for me and he just can't deal with it, but then another part says that he's just being a friend and he wants to hang out.

 

Obviously he misses me, but what is his intent? I mean, would you treat your ex-girlfriend like that if you didn't still have feelings for her? He knows that I'm still in love with him...so is he just toying with me?

 

I just don't know.

[westernxer]

I don't get why he would call me after not speaking to me for nearly two weeks, be so nice, and act so affectionatly towards me while I was tipsy.

 

He wanted to bang you.

[heartnsoul]

westernxer is back!!!!

 

 

Well....he still has feelings for you. When relationships end .. it doesn't mean that the dumpee is long forgotten or that the dumper doesn't care. Maybe he valued having you in his life but just not on the level that existed. You have to determine whether or not you can keep him in your life on just a friendship level.

 

Also realize that even though he calls to hang out isn't necessarily indicative of some fact that he wants to get back together.

 

Make some boundaries for yourself and hold strong until the line is clearly drawn in regards to your interaction with him. If all he'll ever want is a friendship and you're OK with that ... than, go for it. Otherwise, look out for your feelings and don't waiver inbetween ..... 'does he want me or not' make up your own mind as to where he fits into YOUR life.

 

I wish you the best.