buttonegg Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Hello ... I'm new here, and I was wondering if anyone would be kind enough to help me out. I'm in college, age twenty, blah blah blah, and I identify as queer/bi/pansexual/whatever. I like people. I look like a big dyke, though, what with short hair and all, so most people assume I don't like men. Normally I don't care. However ... there's a guy. He's a student too, but he is older (thirty). See, I like older men, which is why, on a college campus, it usually doesn't matter if everyone assumes I'm a lesbian. So this guy. We have a casual acquaintanceship, or whatever you'd call it - we aren't friends by my definition of the term, but we talk a lot, eat some meals together, pick on each other. We started talking when we were the only ones who would show up for breakfast early and when we'd go outside for a smoke (we're both quitting right now, too, haha). So I really like him, for various reasons, but I don't know how to do this. All my experience has been with women my own age. I've never gone after a guy. I don't really understand them or know what to do. Plus I have some self-esteem ... issues. I'm kinda big. Well, not kinda. I'm not a size four, let's say. And I have issues with rejection (who doesn't?). And I just ... I dunno. I doubt it'd work, but I thought I'd ask people here ... ya'll seem quite nice and helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
AmItheOne Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Whether you are trying to gain the attention of a man or woman, age 20 to 100, you need to have self confidence. I saw many times in your post where you said negative things about yourself. This guy has shown some interest, just be yourself...but CONFIDENT. If you don't know how he may feel try to find a way to bring up the fact that you are not a lesbian by saying something about a guy...or just be direct and if he says he isn't interested that way try to maintain the friendship, I'm sure you don't want to lose that. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttonegg Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 I usually exude some sort of confidence; most of my lack of self-esteem comes through with the rest of my sarcasm in a self-depracating manner. I'm quite introverted and manage to keeps lots of things to myself The other day, he was fixing my friend Sam's computer and somehow, dear Samantha managed to bring up the fact that I "like the cock!" so ... yeah. Unless he thinks she was joking ... then. I dunno. I just don't know! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I usually exude some sort of confidence; most of my lack of self-esteem comes through with the rest of my sarcasm in a self-depracating manner. I'm quite introverted and manage to keeps lots of things to myself The other day, he was fixing my friend Sam's computer and somehow, dear Samantha managed to bring up the fact that I "like the cock!" so ... yeah. Unless he thinks she was joking ... then. I dunno. I just don't know! If it's overcompensation-type confidence, then that can come across as inauthentic. And he may well think your friend was joking, especially if you've only dated women in the recent past. The confidence thing is important. I would cultivate a friendship with him to get to know him better, and take things from there. Then you have an excuse to confide in him from the horse's mouth, so to speak, because having a friend tell him puts you in danger of playing "the telephone game" where information that may or may not be accurate is either given, or processed by him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttonegg Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 I definitely don't over-compensate ... my good friends who I do end up confiding in or who discover that my self-esteem isn't all there usually tell me that they're surprised because my self-esteem seemed 'normal,' whatever that is. And he probably did think she was joking, as embarassed as I was when she did that. I didn't say anything either way, but I felt myself turn pink and I laughed a bit ... I've been (subltely) attempting to befriend him a bit more ... like we both wanted to see this awful movie a few weeks ago that no one else did (I genuinely wanted to see it, I swear). So I invited him to go ... the problem is that we're both grossly busy so we didn't have time to go to a movie. Maybe this summer, since I think we're both going to be stuck around the college ... Link to post Share on other sites
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