alphamale Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 What is a friend supposed to do? BE THERE! Be supportive. Be there to listen, to give a hug, to distract, and just BE. I try not to give or request emotional support from my lovers...I get that from my friends and family. Problem for a man is once he starts doing this for women then they start to look at him as weak. And thats not good. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Problem for a man is once he starts doing this for women then they start to look at him as weak. And thats not good. Perhaps some sort of witchy woman might think that. Women worth their salt understand that compassion is a sign of the best of humanity and want it in their men. But if all you want is superficial skirt, then I suppose you need to pretend you're not human for their sakes. There are guys who require more of the women in their lives and get it, though. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 It takes a strong man to consciously risk appearing weak. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 i know women like that though Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 i know women like that though They are worthless. Back on topic... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 It takes a strong man to consciously risk appearing weak. once in a while it is OK....but if a man consistently associates himself with problems then he himself will eventually become the problem. And then he will be replaced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 Well it's not like I was looking for anything special. Just a head through the doorway "Are you ok?" sort of thing would have been fine. Also not stealing food from my fridge would have been nice. Then he has a bitch fit on the phone because I told him his actions sealed the deal. Yet, he continues to be an @sshole, which seems absurd. He's not getting any closer to the potential be even be NEAR my panties with that attitude. Ya gotta pay to play. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Sorry it's been a bad morning, Ot. Some days are just like that. Life's thrown you a lot here lately. But it's your Dad's time. And it's probably a time for you to learn that there are others in the universe who, though they can't take his place, will be there for you like he was if you can open up and let those who WILL be there for you in and quit taking in all the jerkbags like that *$&^$(# of a guy who just makes me :mad: :mad: Geez. He made himself dinner and didn't offer to do anything for you? WTF? GOOD FOR YOU FOR SHOWING HIM THE DOOR! You don't need that kind of person in your life. Here's what friends do when someone's going through what you're going through: take dinner to you, fill your frig and freezer with good food, eat dinner with you, listen to you when you want to talk, sit with you when you don't, distract you from the pain with something fun, clean your house for you, do your laundry, mow your lawn. And any man who isn't strong enough to be humane isn't worth anyone's spit--let alone your fabulous saliva! You may think of yourself as dark, damaged, too much for anyone else to handle, but that's BS! What we see of you is an infinitely interesting person, intelligent, wise, funny, sexy, caring, honest, forthright, and THERE. You're aware of things many people just unconsciously go through life not noticing. The down side to that is that you probably feel more pain than others because of your compassion. You are a wounded healer bringing light to the darkness of this world. Call Hospice. They're fabulous people who understand in ways others can't who haven't gone through what you're going through. And call your sponsor just to let her/him know what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Well it's not like I was looking for anything special. Just a head through the doorway "Are you ok?" sort of thing would have been fine. Also not stealing food from my fridge would have been nice. Then he has a bitch fit on the phone because I told him his actions sealed the deal. Yet, he continues to be an @sshole, which seems absurd. He's not getting any closer to the potential be even be NEAR my panties with that attitude. Ya gotta pay to play.B_O , What you ask for from this guy is not nearly enough.Perhaps that is it , you don't expect much and when the minor things you do expect are forsaken you accept it with an attitude of "oh well, what can I expect?" Well, you can and should expect a lot more. You are here with a bunch of people you have never met on the internet , that you have not shared the kind of intamacy you have with this guy and you recieve a lot more from any single one of us. First look for a friend, a real one, and then decide if that friend is worth what you have to offer. I too am so sorry about your father , he is no longer in pain , I think the suggestion that you speak with hospice or a bereavement councilor is a great one. Many programs such as AA have bereavement counciling hookins for this such event , not only to keep you sober durring a time of loss but to keep you sane and help you deal. Call your sponsor even if you don't feel the need to cave , pain is normal durring the loss of a parent , even hysterical sobbing, and falling apart. Do this for yourself , it will help you move forward. Im sending you a hug . Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Ya gotta pay to play. I gotta agree with that b_0... Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 BO - I am sorry for your pain. You are allowed to love your Dad, even when they are gone. I know this as my Dad has been gone now for ten years. There are amazing ways to love them, nut the hard part is when they are not physically here with us. Maybe you should be grateful that you are seeing the selfish side of this jerk now! It allows you to understand that you cannot depend on him for any comfort or support, thus allowing you to not waste your time with him. There are nice - caring men around, and you will find someone who understands and is compassionate about your situation. Are you attending your AA meetings? You may need that support system especially now... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 otter, even if it goes against the grain of you reaching out, call your two girlfriends. Because I think maybe right now, they'll be the best people to share your grief with because they've experienced something similar. Despite what you may be thinking, you're not bothering them when you reach out to them in your need. in the meantime, even though we can't help with those mundane little things that don't seem to abate, know that we're here for you, keeping you and your family in our thoughts and holding you up in prayer. peace, quank Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 One of my friends came over to hang out with me. Her daughter ate a handful of laffy taffy and bounced all over the place, quite literally, for about 45 minutes straight and then had a sugar crash and started crying. I love kids. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 One of my friends came over to hang out with me. Her daughter ate a handful of laffy taffy and bounced all over the place, quite literally, for about 45 minutes straight and then had a sugar crash and started crying. I love kids.Good to see you vback, b_o . Kids ar4e strange creatures , rabid monkeys as I like to report . Sounds as if you are feeling a bit better , and glad you had a fiend around. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 . Kids ar4e strange creatures , Adults aren't too much better Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Adults aren't too much better Most , okay, some of us have learned our lessons about sugar crashes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 It comes and goes. Some days I feel better than others. Today I woke up in the morning and cleaned my house so I can feel somewhat accomplished. Need coffee. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 It comes and goes. Some days I feel better than others. Today I woke up in the morning and cleaned my house so I can feel somewhat accomplished. Need coffee.Do you have any groceries yet? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Her daughter ate a handful of laffy taffy and bounced all over the place, quite literally, for about 45 minutes straight hee ... yeah, little kids are the greatest form of entertainment. My sister had a friend in high school with a little girl who was an apple juice junkie, and family knew to limit her intake. My sister, though, would feed it to her, then turn that baby loose! We got to see a lot of interesting "dance" from that child! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 It comes and goes. Some days I feel better than others. Today I woke up in the morning and cleaned my house so I can feel somewhat accomplished. I wish i lived down there B_ . I'd marry you tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I wish i lived down there B_ . I'd marry you tomorrow. You just want her to cook and clean for you! B_O I'm glad you got some cleaning done and feel accomplished. That WILL give you a boost that you are needing. Most , okay, some of us have learned our lessons about sugar crashes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 25, 2006 Author Share Posted July 25, 2006 Do you have any groceries yet? Yeah, man. I went to the asian grocery store. I am mopping my entire house today and organizing all my books by topic. That should take up some mental energy. I am watching Martha Stewart. There's something hypnotically soothing about her. I watch her and entire a world of orderliness and crafts that I have never actually experienced. My Dad starts chemo today. My mother is doing it herself, from home, so he doesn't have to go in to the hospital. Since she is a geriatric nurse practitioner, she decided to take a permanent leave of absence from work to take care of him exclusively. It's good for Dad. I started doing some compulsive things lately, mostly related to cleaning. Probably because I feel a little off kilter emotionally. Like, growing up I was never allowed to use a mop. I had to scrub the floor vietnamese style. You take a long cloth and fold it up so it's about shoulderwidth in length and push it along the floor with your hands while walking bent over. Like downward dog, the yoga pose, but walking forward. I got good at it so I could scamper across the floor like a monkey. That's the only way I like to mop the floor. It's better than drinking, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I find housecleaning and gardening very therapeutic when life is out of control. And painting. And organizing closets. With just a little work . . . brand new and/or beauty, order. A lovely illusion. Kinda like Martha. She's like the Mr. Rogers for adults. Her voice is so soothing I go right to sleep. . . . It's an illusory world of quality and care where people have oodles of staff to pick daffodils at just the right temperature to blossom for the dinner party you're throwing for 84 of your closest friends. Have you done the frig yet? Yes, it beats drinking. And you can find your keys afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 I know I have told you this over and over B_O , but you'd make a great first wife .Between the cooking cleaning and sewing clothes , you'd accomplish a lot given freedom and time . I'm glad you are doing things to ease your mind and keep your hands busy . p.s. Martha scares me, anyone that domestic scares me , I feel like if I fall into the abyss of domesticity the next thing I know I will have helmet hair and be wearing a knitted sweater at a Baptist convention. Hugs as always , and Im glad you got some groceries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 p.s. Martha scares me, anyone that domestic scares me , I feel like if I fall into the abyss of domesticity the next thing I know I will have helmet hair and be wearing a knitted sweater at a Baptist convention. Hugs as always , and Im glad you got some groceries. You would look hot with helmet hair. And think of the time you would save! I moved furniture around and cleaned under there. I had no idea these monster dust bunnies were laying in wait. And lo and behold I found a Giftcard while I was cleaning and now I get to go spend free money. You know things are looking up when you find free money. My poor dad-arino. My mom decided to take him to the VA to get his chemo because her insurance was going to charge her $800 out of pocket/month to do the chemo at home, even though she would be administering it. So she's going with him to the VA for the $50/month out of pocket in hospital chemo. That's more inconvenient and exhausting for him, but it's easier on her pocket book. Link to post Share on other sites
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