Guest Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I do believe that anything can be an addiction. Mine isn't necessarilly something physical, but it is a nagging urge just the same. I have come to realize, I have lost my individuality. I am deathly afraid of being alone. I have been with my boyfriend for the past 6 yrs...and I would say 5and a half of those years have been bad. He was my first love, first kiss, first sexual experience, first everything...so letting go doesn't even seem like an option. I have lost 99percent of my friends after cutting them off from me...I find that I feel the need to be with my bf at all times..and I don't know why, considering he is cruel and manipulative. I feel myself begging for his attention, love, approval, etc. I used to be so different. I used to laugh. I used to like to be with friends... I am so tired of living this way, and feel powerless to stop it. He talks to other girls, lies, and I try to be everything that he wants, and yet he still finds something I have done wrong. How do I stop this pattern? I seriously would appreciate some insight....I know many of you will say leave him, but it is so easier said than done...what do you do when you feel like your partner has stolen your spirit, and your happiness for themself? What do you do when you cut yourself off from the world, and really are alone...what do you do when your emotional support is whom you are emotionally addicted to?..... Link to post Share on other sites
inertia_creeps Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Well making a post on here is a good start - it means that you have thought about your situation enough to come here and at least try to find some answers to what you are feeling - i have said this before on here - many people are too scared to face their problems and go all their lives without facing up to them. If i may id like to break down your post and try to give you my opinion.... I have been with my boyfriend for the past 6 yrs...and I would say 5and a half of those years have been bad. He was my first love, first kiss, first sexual experience, first everything...so letting go doesn't even seem like an option. I have lost 99percent of my friends after cutting them off from me...I find that I feel the need to be with my bf at all times..and I don't know why, considering he is cruel and manipulative. I feel myself begging for his attention, love, approval, etc. I used to be so different. I used to laugh. I used to like to be with friends.. From what you say above, it seems to me like you have lost your individuality. This stems from being so involved with your boyfriend. Naturally you have strong feelings for him as you say you experinced alot of new things with him (first love etc etc). You feel the need to be with him all the time now, simply because it seems to me from what you have written - that you do not have much else that belongs to you. Somewhere along the line you seem to have become so engrossed or caught up in this thing with him, that gradually all the things that made 'you' have disappeared. You say he is cruel and manipulative - do you think you could provide me with some insight? If its possible, i may be able to break that down for you and show you where i am going with this... I am so tired of living this way, and feel powerless to stop it. He talks to other girls, lies, and I try to be everything that he wants, and yet he still finds something I have done wrong. How do I stop this pattern? I seriously would appreciate some insight.... You feel powerless because again, you are not you anymore. You seem to be living solely for him - to please him, to keep him happy - you even say yourself that you are trying to be everything he wants. What about you? What do you want? What do you or did you like doing before you met him? what would you like to do now? - not just about this problem - but with your life? Think of your situation as you describe it above, then place the factors into a circle (a vicious one if you like) removing any part of that circle will contribute greatly to breaking down this pattern. You are not genuinely powerless to stop it - you just feel like you are at the moment. Thats the hardest part here - people can give you advice - but you cant see light at the end of the tunnel because its so far down the end of the line. It is very hard to comment in an internet forum without knowing the people involved - but if i may hazard a guess, it sounds to me like your boyfriend is a really nasty piece of work. He is feeding off your insecurity right now - knowing that he can do what he likes and no matter what - you put up with it. I know many of you will say leave him, but it is so easier said than done...what do you do when you feel like your partner has stolen your spirit, and your happiness for themself? What do you do when you cut yourself off from the world, and really are alone...what do you do when your emotional support is whom you are emotionally addicted to?..... Sadly - your boyfriend is one big part of this vicious circle - a part that does need to be removed in order for you to break down the pattern you menton above. Im not going to lie - it will not be easy, and he will probably make it very hard for you. The problem is that he has gradually beaten you down and taken your self esteem - which is why you feel so powerless, and have a lack of confidence to combat your situation. Take a step back and logically look at it. he is not supporting you at all - he is mentally beating you down. you feel he is supporting you simply because your rely on him so much - why do you rely on him? - Because he has chipped away at everything else! I hope this has helped a little bit, you can of course tell me to f8**k off and that i have read the situation all wrong - i wont mind...! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Rather than giving up and thinking you are helpless in this situation, might I suggest finding a book to read such as Dr. Phil's Life Strategies, or one of his others. The names don't come to me right now. Perhaps it will put things into perspective. You have given control of your whole life up to this man and it is obviously wearing you down. It will only get worse. You have to take back control. Get informed. Or look at your life down the road - is this how you want to spend your life? If you stay, you will wake up someday and realize you've had enough when you're stronger and how many years will pass by before that happens? Right now you're rendering yourself incapacitated. You need to gain your self esteem and your self respect back. No one should be treated like this. If you have to, take small steps by becoming informed about why you are willing to allow this to happen. Realize you are being treated like a doormat. Is that what you really want? Many people are afraid to be alone. But you don't have to be. Once you learn to love yourself, you will attract others, and healthier relationships. You can do this. You just have to believe in yourself and take back your life. Even if its in baby steps. Link to post Share on other sites
sazzya1987 Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 I do believe that anything can be an addiction. Mine isn't necessarilly something physical, but it is a nagging urge just the same. I have come to realize, I have lost my individuality. I am deathly afraid of being alone. I have been with my boyfriend for the past 6 yrs...and I would say 5and a half of those years have been bad. He was my first love, first kiss, first sexual experience, first everything...so letting go doesn't even seem like an option. I have lost 99percent of my friends after cutting them off from me...I find that I feel the need to be with my bf at all times..and I don't know why, considering he is cruel and manipulative. I feel myself begging for his attention, love, approval, etc. I used to be so different. I used to laugh. I used to like to be with friends... I am so tired of living this way, and feel powerless to stop it. He talks to other girls, lies, and I try to be everything that he wants, and yet he still finds something I have done wrong. How do I stop this pattern? I seriously would appreciate some insight....I know many of you will say leave him, but it is so easier said than done...what do you do when you feel like your partner has stolen your spirit, and your happiness for themself? What do you do when you cut yourself off from the world, and really are alone...what do you do when your emotional support is whom you are emotionally addicted to?..... Not sure if this is much advice but how about a few times a week you join a few clubs to make some new friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladywithafan Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Not sure if this is much advice but how about a few times a week you join a few clubs to make some new friends? Take a look at my man in this picture...I have the same problem to a degree; and try adding a crack addiction onto it...but...although I love him...I have come to better terms that I can not save him or make him change...that will have to come on his own... What did I do so far this year? I volunteered for the Film Festival! I made a new girlfriend there and I had a BLAST!!! We are currently looking into more things that we can do/help out with and that will start to take up at least one of my weekend nights when my boyfriend decides to party & I'm sick of being around that...been there/done that...so... my best advice is to try something like this...go online google volunteer opportunities in the county of the state where you live & you'll be amazed at what you find! the first step is scary, but after that, it's roses & champagne as the star of the movie, "Cocaine Angel" passed on to me...I went out...I met real people doing real things that meant something to me...YOU CAN TOO! :) Link to post Share on other sites
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