do married men leave?????

[truelove]

I didn't mean for it to happen but it did i fell in love with a married man and last march he took my virginity so i very strong feelings for him i was 19 at the time and i am fixing to turn 21 my life has changed more than words can say. i truly do believe that he loves me and that he will leave his wife one day but the only thing that is stopping him is his child. his wife is the kind to take it ALL. i could never ask him to leave b/c of the child i tell him over and over again that when he leaves i want it to be when he is ready is is 31 yeas old and this has been going on for almost 2 years. we see each other when we can but at times i feel like its not enough. we have been through ALOT together. i moved away and came back with in months because i was home sick not just b/c of him but it was a plus, but when i came back it was like nothing had changed. so will he ever leave and will things ever change???

[whichwayisup]

Please go read some other threads in the OW/OM section.

 

MM rarely leave their wives for OW. Especially when children are involved.

 

You are so young to be caught up in something like this. You may have deep feelings for him, or even love him, but he is married to someone else and honestly, he isn't yours for taking. He belongs to his wife, and child. A family unit. Are you sure you're ready to bust apart their life? Have you thought about YOU being a step mom to his child? To know his ex-wife will ALWAYS be a part of it all too? Have you thought about how your own family will react? You taking another woman's husband for yourself?

 

Also, I'm betting this MM has fed you lies, told you so many things, promises...I don't doubt that he has feelings for you, yet you are fulfilling his needs, something he isn't getting at home. Good or bad, I don't know what their marriage is like, but I'm sure he's told you things are not good and that she treats him poorly and they don't have sex anymore... He is lying to her, so what is stopping him from lying to you?

 

Please take a step back and think this through. Your frame of mind is clouded because of how he makes you feel...Open your eyes, and see the whole picture here. His wife is REAL and she has a child with him. She isn't fake or non-existant. Remember that next time you're with him.

[Curmudgeon]

Doubtful! He'll likely tell you that he'll leave when the child is grown but then the dog will be about to have her puppies, his wife's uncle will have some fatal disease and, of course, the grass will always need mowing and there's that vacation to Hawaii he promised the wife and the new SUV to pay off first.

 

I hope you begin to get my drift.

 

Quit while you're young. It would be a shame to waste any more time on this cakeman.

[Curmudgeon]

Better yet. Remember it the next time he leaves because he has to get home to his wife.

[whichwayisup]

Here's a reality check for you. Hopefully you can stomach this man's pain. Can you read this thread below? Click on the link. I dare you to read it.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t40398/

 

His wife cheated on him. Maybe you should sit and read (yes, it's a long thread with many many pages...) what pain she inflicted on him. Maybe you reading this will make you see what pain you'll be helping your MM inflict on his wife.

 

The choice is yours.

[My_Other_I]

so will he ever leave and will things ever change???

It hasn't changed in two years. It will never change. You better prepare yourself for hurt and pain for a while and move on with your own life while you are still young. Don't waste your time, hun. Take it from someone who's been in your shoes.

[beachgirl6821]

I completly agree with what each and every person has posted as response. You are WAY too young for this turmoil and the tumoil it would bring IF he ever did leave, you know after the vacations...lawn mowing....kids graduations.....nephews weddings....etc.....GET OUT NOW!!!! Tell him to never call, change your number if you have to, don't answer his calls...the door...NOTHING!!!

 

Take care of yourself and let him take care of his family.

[Jessie61]

I didn't mean for it to happen but it did i fell in love with a married man and last march he took my virginity so i very strong feelings for him i was 19 at the time and i am fixing to turn 21 my life has changed more than words can say. i truly do believe that he loves me and that he will leave his wife one day but the only thing that is stopping him is his child. his wife is the kind to take it ALL. i could never ask him to leave b/c of the child i tell him over and over again that when he leaves i want it to be when he is ready is is 31 yeas old and this has been going on for almost 2 years. we see each other when we can but at times i feel like its not enough. we have been through ALOT together. i moved away and came back with in months because i was home sick not just b/c of him but it was a plus, but when i came back it was like nothing had changed. so will he ever leave and will things ever change???

 

My heart goes out to you! But please take everyone's advice; get out as soon as you possibly can!!! You are so young and there are so many other possibilities out there for you. You don't have to sit around waiting for this guy! He will never leave his wife, there will be one excuse after the other delaying his departure.

 

Be good to yourself and do yourself a favour, DUMP him!

[Guest]

who cares if he actually leaves his wife for you (ps, wont happen) he loves her. he probly loves you but in a different way... you are a fun, sexy, friendly, escape from his reality. stop contact. i promise, you will feel so much better about yourself (eventually) the daily guilt will be gone. plus, there would be soo much baggage between the 2 of you to really have a solid foundation for a true relationship if he did get divorced. (which he very well may do, but it shouldnt be for you) respect yourself. he is not the only man who will make you feel pretty, fun, excited, ect. there will be others. oh, and he is also not the only man who can give you what you need sexually, either. he is sleeping with another woman that he loves EVERY NITE. no matter what he tells you... he has his cake and hes "eating" YOURS, too!! in time... this will only be a memory and you will laugh at the very thought of being with him for real. wont work. sorry.

[quankanne]

so will he ever leave and will things ever change???

 

nope – you've heard the saying "Why buy the cow when you get the milk free?" I think this applies to extra-marital affairs. The spouse and the lover lose out because they're the ones being fed half-truths and stories, while the adulterer is the only one in possession of all the facts.

 

your married lover understands this, and while I'm not saying he *doesn't* care for you, it's never going to be *enough* to walk away from the sure thing he's got in his marriage. One, he's committed to her legally; two, he shares a child with her; three, you're ready, willing and able. Why would he ever want to change the status quo when it's easier to tell you, his wife and prolly himself that every body is happier this way?

 

it's not actually love that's keeping him with you – or even his wife, because with love comes a certain respect for the other person in the relationship. And it don't sound as if he respects you OR his wife.

 

as hard as it is, give him up. You've got much better things to do than to waste your life away on a man who doesn't have the balls to give you (or his wife) the commitment you seek, but would rather play both sides. He says he loves you? Good and fine, but he sure as hell doesn't respect you if he's strung you along all this time ....

 

there's someone out there worthy of you, who is waiting for you, even though neither of you know that yet. You're much better than being a dime-a-dozen lovesick chica who thinks her married lover is going to make the relationship legit.

[begone]

Oh, you are so young and nieve. I dont mean that to be rude.

 

My H had an affair, told her he was divorcing me. I found out about the affair, he told me he was sorry and that he was "thinking" of leaving me.

 

When it came down to it, I told him to pack his bags, grab his keys, leave, and dont let the door hit him in the ass. I also told him his weekends as he knew it will be over; soon to be consumed with his children, while I then get the chance to go out. I told him not to go buy anything too big, as the child support payments will be hefty for 4 kids. I also told him that I have been nothing but faithfull to him, and if he thinks he can find that with another woman, then go for it. He would also have to get use to the fact of another man in my life, touching me, kissing me, loving me, and our children.

 

He didnt move. He didnt leave. He has not left.

 

The point is, once all these issues are brought to light, the fantasyland in which they are living comes crumbling down and then they realize what is really happening.

 

He has been with me for 10 years. He was and is not ready to give all that up. And, I am afraid your MM is not either.

 

If MM left their wives, there would be no such thing as the Other Woman.

[Mr. Peebles]

Run child...RUN! The truth hurts but you're his play pal. Even if he one day (when you're closer to 30) leaves his wife (not) do you really want all that baggage in your life? He's your first lover don't make him you're last PLEASE!

[silktricks]

Once in awhile they leave, but mostly they don't - they tell all kinds of odd (to the wives) stories of why they can't, but the reality is that they don't want to.

[beachrosie]

Many, many, many, many married men leave their wives for the OW. This is not saying it might necessarily happen for you, but it does happen. Why do you think the divorce rate in this country is so high? There are many people leaving wrongly picked spouses for other people.

 

You are very very young and your life ahead for you. Go and conquer the world and do whatever you want to do. Please don't limit yourself now.

[LittleBrowneyes]

My advice to you, as a 26 year old. Dont waste the best years of your life on someone who hasnt left their wife. Your young and you have the whole world ahead of you. Life isnt perfect and love doesnt come in a perfect package. You may want to know what it feels like to "experience" other men, and I mean this throughout your lifetime. I think you deserve the best of what life has to offer, dont waste your time on this. Ive seen my 0lder sister waste two years of her life on a married man who promised her he would leave his wife. It never happend, and 4 years later, he is still with his wife.

[Guest]

Many, many, many, many married men leave their wives for the OW. This is not saying it might necessarily happen for you, but it does happen. Why do you think the divorce rate in this country is so high? There are many people leaving wrongly picked spouses for other people.

 

You are very very young and your life ahead for you. Go and conquer the world and do whatever you want to do. Please don't limit yourself now.

 

I know an AWFULYY lot of people who got divorced. Only one of those divorced to be with someone else.

[beachrosie]

I know an AWFULYY lot of people who got divorced. Only one of those divorced to be with someone else.

 

I can totally understand this perspective, since many are not as obvious as others about their affairs or wishes. I'm sorry to say, I know many that get divorced because they met someone that is actually compatable to them. Usually they are highly educated. I am not sure why that it either. Perhaps its learning more about he world outside??? I'm not sure.

[Guest]

I can totally understand this perspective, since many are not as obvious as others about their affairs or wishes. I'm sorry to say, I know many that get divorced because they met someone that is actually compatable to them. Usually they are highly educated. I am not sure why that it either. Perhaps its learning more about he world outside??? I'm not sure.

if they learn more about the world y would they leave for some one who is more like them if they wanted to learn more??

[aleatoryd]

My sister got divorced because she realised there was more to life - her husband was selfish, abusive and posessive. He had good points he worked hard but 4 years after the divorce and he still hasn't paid a penny in child support/maintence, and he "very quickly" found another girl to get pregnant. Grrr don't get me started.

 

Don' twaste your time on this guy. I'm not going to blame you because you have your feelings and emotions - you are free to be who you choose, do what you like. But please consider others like the wife and child. A mans character is a key thing to who he is and how he will treat you. Sure you enjoy his company... he likes to have sex with you. Well done you are something he can use and maybe... maybe not he'll leave his wife or replace you... or have several of "you" as a string of conquests.

 

You don't know for certain. What you can be sure is that he had a serious character flaw a lack of fidelity and that doesn't bode well for any happy future you have imagined. If he cheats on his wife do you really think you'll be any different? To such a man what are wedding vows, honour, decency and respect for women?

 

As others have pointed out you are very young and if you chose to just move on, find someone else, experience life maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. There is so much more to life. Don't alllow yourself to be used it's another form of abuse and you deserve better. I hope you make the right choice and wish you happiness in your future.