Locks Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Well I am in a bit of dilemma at the moment. I was in a 5yr relationship with a guy who was the whole package. In the last yr of our relationship, things got pretty rocky. I became sick with thyroid problems, which at that time, I was diagnosed as being depressed, so the meds weren't working. I stayed in most of the time sulking and not feeling well. So he asked me move out and I did. Well that is where it all begin's I guess. Needless to say I was a bit upset, but he ended up dating a few weeks later a girl who I grew up with and she was a friend of mine. That was very hard for me to deal with as they stayed together for about 4 yrs. Now he and I had remained in contact even while he was with her. He never pushed me away. Things were ok and I was back into the dating scene again and feeling better as I was diagnosed properly. Well his relationship became rocky and he and I started having sex here and there. They broke up and we were both single and still sleeping together. We have incredible sex and I of course always end up feeling more. My situation at this time is, he currently has a girlfriend who he see's once a week and implys that he doesn't love her or care for her the way that I think. I have such strong feelings for him and when I see photos of them posted on his website I become very upset. He keeps asking me to come between them, that it is alright. Well deep inside I know/think he wants just the sex. The hardest part for me, is that we get along sooo well that he makes something click inside me that I know we are perfect for one another. Maybe I'm just crazy, but these photos drive me absolutly insane and make me feel sad. In the 5yrs we have been broken up, I have not found anyone who comes close to the connection that we had or the sex that we had. How can I stop sleeping with him and move on without any jealousy? Any advise I can get would be great. I'm addicted to the sex I have with him, yet have fallen in love with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 You stop the same way any addict stops using their DOC. You make a decision, stick to it, and stop allowing yourself to come into contact with your drug. I've been sober for a little over 4 months. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. He's in a relationship, you give him the opportunity to use you without demanding that he respect you, the girl he's with (at one point this was even a friend of yours), or himself. He asks you to engage in this behavior, but ultimately, you are in control of your own actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Locks Posted April 10, 2006 Author Share Posted April 10, 2006 Thank you for the pointers. He is with a new women now, not the friend at this time. My love and sex are both addictions for me, and I do need to handle them as that and only that. I just don't know where to begin right now, like I said we are friends with the same people and he is hard to avoid, eventhough I am always avoiding being with our friends because he is usually there. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 When I stopped using I had to stop hanging out with friends that reminded me of my drug of choice. There should be sex addicts anonymous meetings in your area, depending on how rural you are. Link to post Share on other sites
WiseWo Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Well deep inside I know/think he wants just the sex.( You said it, now accept it. You are letting him have his cake and eat it too. You want to be that girl? Link to post Share on other sites
SuperMonk Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Leave the dude alone, move on woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Locks Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 He needs to leave me alone also, he constantly is contacting me for sex also, it's a 2 way street. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 He needs to leave me alone also, he constantly is contacting me for sex also, it's a 2 way street. You're giving away your own accountability here. You have a voice. You can say "yes" or "no". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Locks Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 Of course I have a voice, I'm actually needing someone who is going through the same experience as I to discuss. Thank you for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Of course I have a voice, I'm actually needing someone who is going through the same experience as I to discuss. Thank you for your input. Excuse me. I am a recovering addict who was addicted for the past 8 years. Now I shall kindly take my ass out of your thread and hopefully someone else will listen to you. You know what they say when you assume. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Locks Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 I was a drug user who recovered from it also from 10yrs of addiction. I know the recovery of drugs I was a hard user. Sex and Drugs are two different catagories. May seem the same but it's not. Someone with a sex addiction would better understand. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperMonk Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 He needs to leave me alone also, he constantly is contacting me for sex also, it's a 2 way street. LOL, your ignorance blinds you. There is a quick solution for American society to preserve itself. It only takes one bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I was a drug user who recovered from it also from 10yrs of addiction. I know the recovery of drugs I was a hard user. Sex and Drugs are two different catagories. May seem the same but it's not. Someone with a sex addiction would better understand. If this is what you believe, you're not really sober. You just traded addictions - "dry drunk". Addiction is not and never was about the substance you use, but your relationship to that substance -- the reasons you engage in that behavior. Addicts use their drug of choice, be it work, alcohol, shopping, SEX, or DRUGS -- for the same reason. If you attend to the reasons why you chose such an inappropriate and self-destructive method of coping, the addictive behaviors will be easier to control. Obviously, you haven't. Interestingly enough, you're not the first person I have encountered who switched theri addiction from substance abuse to sex or relationship addiction. This is why we learn about codependency in AA -- most alcoholics are also sex or relationship addicts as well. That's it, I'm unsubscribing. Grumble. People think they know everything then they get defensive when you present something that is way out of line with their worldview. act like you're intentionally trying to upset them. when you have no idea what they're reacting to because you don't really care that much in the first place. just making an observation. jesus. denial is not a river in egypt. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 LOL, your ignorance blinds you. There is a quick solution for American society to preserve itself. It only takes one bullet. So you are saying Americans should shoot themselves in the head ? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Well I am in a bit of dilemma at the moment. I was in a 5yr relationship with a guy who was the whole package. In the last yr of our relationship, things got pretty rocky. I became sick with thyroid problems, which at that time, I was diagnosed as being depressed, so the meds weren't working. I stayed in most of the time sulking and not feeling well. So he asked me move out and I did. Well that is where it all begin's I guess. Needless to say I was a bit upset, but he ended up dating a few weeks later a girl who I grew up with and she was a friend of mine. That was very hard for me to deal with as they stayed together for about 4 yrs. Now he and I had remained in contact even while he was with her. He never pushed me away. Things were ok and I was back into the dating scene again and feeling better as I was diagnosed properly. Well his relationship became rocky and he and I started having sex here and there. They broke up and we were both single and still sleeping together. We have incredible sex and I of course always end up feeling more. My situation at this time is, he currently has a girlfriend who he see's once a week and implys that he doesn't love her or care for her the way that I think. I have such strong feelings for him and when I see photos of them posted on his website I become very upset. He keeps asking me to come between them, that it is alright. Well deep inside I know/think he wants just the sex. The hardest part for me, is that we get along sooo well that he makes something click inside me that I know we are perfect for one another. Maybe I'm just crazy, but these photos drive me absolutly insane and make me feel sad. In the 5yrs we have been broken up, I have not found anyone who comes close to the connection that we had or the sex that we had. How can I stop sleeping with him and move on without any jealousy? Any advise I can get would be great. I'm addicted to the sex I have with him, yet have fallen in love with him again. I think he is totally using your feelings for him to get great sex that just goes on and on......He puts up photos on his site to make you jealous . I think this is a sick relationship where he feeds off your lonliness . He needs to be cut off ! No more SEX. No more contact. This is going to take some work because he has you wrapped around his finger. Post back if you want some tips on how to get this man out of your life. He is a cheater on top of that. Cheating on her to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 The problem is not that she is addicted to sex - This has nothing to do with sex - This is to do with the fact that she loves him and cannot meet anyone who matches up to him! I am in the same situation! It sucks but you have to be stong! Mary post how to get over a guy you cant get over ... I would love to know honey! Link to post Share on other sites
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