Guy trouble

[clia]

There's a guy I've known for awhile who I feel like I'm getting serious mixed signals from. When I talk to him or see him, he is always very nice, flirty, compliments me, asks about my life, we have great conversations, and acts very interested. He's said that he wants us to go out on a 'real' date. (We've met up for drinks a few times, just very casual.) When I e-mail him, he always e-mails me right back. If I call him, he always calls me right back. If I suggest we get together and he can't, he always gives me an alternative. (i.e. I can't do anything Thursday, but let's meet up on Saturday.) Every time we've gotten together has been on a weekend night.

 

I feel like he's interested in me, but here's the problem: he doesn't take any initiative. He says he'll give me a call, then doesn't and claims he's busy. I don't think he's shy--I know some of his friends and through them know that if he likes a girl he usually calls them. I also know that he's not seeing anyone else.

 

So, I don't get it. I don't want to bother him--and I don't. I only contact him every few weeks, but when I do he always sounds happy to hear from me, and even sometimes asks me why we haven't talked in so long. (I'm like duh...because you haven't called me. Of course, maybe he has one of those fancy phones that only takes incoming calls.) Do you think he's just being nice to me? I know I should probably give it up, but I don't want to if he's just trying to take things slow or whatever, because I really like him. I'm getting sick of always being the one to take iniative. Guys, should I give it up or do you think there might be hope? Is there a good way that I could ask him without sounding too serious and freaking him out?

[Tony T]

Call him one more time...and tell him you are feeling this whole deal is a bit one-sided. Tell him that from now on, it will be up to him to call you when he wants the two of you to do something together. Then stop calling, emailing or communicating with him in any fashion until he makes the next move...in every case.

 

It doesn't give one a special feeling when you have to do all the calling and doing all the initiating. Don't do it anymore, not with him...and no with anybody.

 

In time, you'll find out if he's just being nice, feeling sorry for you, or if he's genuinely interested. Maybe he's just stupid...can't dial a phone. Who knows but once you let him know the ball's in his court, it's all his problem.

[yes]

wow, a very similar deal here ...

 

he asked me out, and since then - it's been just like u describe - nice, flirty, anything u like, but zero initiative! weird eh? the only diff. is that i just had a big break up & i told him to take it slow, but i thought initiating contact and gettting together a few times would give him the msg that slow doesn't mean TOO slow ... but nope - he acts just like your guy ...

 

what the hell's up with men??

 

lemme know how it goes if u take tony's advice & talk to him!

 

best of luck

There's a guy I've known for awhile who I feel like I'm getting serious mixed signals from. When I talk to him or see him, he is always very nice, flirty, compliments me, asks about my life, we have great conversations, and acts very interested. He's said that he wants us to go out on a 'real' date. (We've met up for drinks a few times, just very casual.) When I e-mail him, he always e-mails me right back. If I call him, he always calls me right back. If I suggest we get together and he can't, he always gives me an alternative. (i.e. I can't do anything Thursday, but let's meet up on Saturday.) Every time we've gotten together has been on a weekend night. I feel like he's interested in me, but here's the problem: he doesn't take any initiative. He says he'll give me a call, then doesn't and claims he's busy. I don't think he's shy--I know some of his friends and through them know that if he likes a girl he usually calls them. I also know that he's not seeing anyone else. So, I don't get it. I don't want to bother him--and I don't. I only contact him every few weeks, but when I do he always sounds happy to hear from me, and even sometimes asks me why we haven't talked in so long. (I'm like duh...because you haven't called me. Of course, maybe he has one of those fancy phones that only takes incoming calls.) Do you think he's just being nice to me? I know I should probably give it up, but I don't want to if he's just trying to take things slow or whatever, because I really like him. I'm getting sick of always being the one to take iniative. Guys, should I give it up or do you think there might be hope? Is there a good way that I could ask him without sounding too serious and freaking him out?

[clia]

I wish I knew what the hell is up with men! I'm going to see him on Saturday. Tony is right, so I'm going to try to say something, depending on how things go. I'll let you know what happens. (I just can't imagine why he'd give up his weekend nights on someone he doesn't like...and someone he doesn't seem to want to call. Ahhh....and p.s. he's not getting anything from me. I've never even kissed the guy...so that's not it.)

wow, a very similar deal here ... he asked me out, and since then - it's been just like u describe - nice, flirty, anything u like, but zero initiative! weird eh? the only diff. is that i just had a big break up & i told him to take it slow, but i thought initiating contact and gettting together a few times would give him the msg that slow doesn't mean TOO slow ... but nope - he acts just like your guy ...

 

what the hell's up with men?? lemme know how it goes if u take tony's advice & talk to him! best of luck

[yes]

I've talked to my guy, actually.

 

His reasoning was that he wanted to keep it very casual, and he thought more distance would create that ...

 

so we ended up agreeing to try an open-concept-relationship ... so we date, but both are free to date others ... i have no idea how that'll go but i've never tried before - so why not

 

any comments?

I wish I knew what the hell is up with men! I'm going to see him on Saturday. Tony is right, so I'm going to try to say something, depending on how things go. I'll let you know what happens. (I just can't imagine why he'd give up his weekend nights on someone he doesn't like...and someone he doesn't seem to want to call. Ahhh....and p.s. he's not getting anything from me. I've never even kissed the guy...so that's not it.)