What's going on?

[Waxed Out]

My three year relationship with my girlfriend ended about 8 days ago. Just yesterday we had lunch together and talked. After we had eaten I still had about 40 minutes left on my lunch break so she invited me to her apartment for a bit. Even though technically we're broken up we still talk on the phone every night, say goodnight to each other and still say I love you. During our walk to her apartment she held my hand or laced her arm around mine. Once at her apartment we talked for a bit but then we started to kiss and so forth. Whats puzzling to me is that if we're broken up we still do the regular stuff when we're together. I don't mind it of course because I love her tremendously and I want us to get back together and she does too but this kind of behaviour makes it seem that we're are together still. I don't know what to think because of this! Can someone help me!!!!

[midori]

I'd say that what's going on is that you broke up in name only. You don't say why you broke up but it looks like neither of you are willing to deal with the reality of what that means. Saying "I love you" and being physically intimate are not what ex's do. That's the stuff of relationships.

 

It sounds like you two ought to re-visit the basic question of whether or not the break-up was the right thing for you both. If one or both of you feel that it was the right thing, then it sounds like you ought to take a good long break from each other. No phone calls, minimal emailing (if that) and certainly no get-togethers. It's either on or it's not on. Keeping things in undefined limbo is a really good way to set yourself (or her) up for hurt.

 

Everyone seems to think that the mature way to handle a break-up is to remain friends with your ex (even to become "best friends"). That's just not realistic when one or both parties still have strong feelings for the other. If the break-up is for real, you've got to treat it as such and start the moving on process. That doesn't mean you won't be friends at some point in the future (when you're really over each other). But don't confuse a wish to be friends with a wish to get back together.