Not taking his last name

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

OK...someone asked me what my new last mane was going to be and I told them that I was keeping mine with no hyphenation. They looked at me like I had 3 heads. Is it wrong for me wanting to keep my name? It's such a cool last name and his sounds silly with my first name. And with his added...its the longest name in history. He doesn't mind me keeping my last name. But I feel like...this is how it should be, Mr. and Mrs whatever. What do you guys think?

[blind_otter]

I never took my exH's last name. It was easy when we split up.

 

But I noticed when I was doing taxes this year that it was confusing when the wife had a different last name. That's the only thing I noticed.

[NTB]

if i was getting married i'd want my wife to take my name......just my change here

[a4a]

Man I got beat the s*** outta for this same thread not too long ago!

 

I still have not taken his last name and recently I was sent a thank you from some coworkers that addressed us as Mr. and Mrs. My last name :lmao: Simply because I made it clear that I was keeping my last name as they were part of our wedding ect. Well known in my field so I will not ditch my last name. The hyphen thing would have just been stupid with the combo of our names....... WTF for anyway.

 

H is just fine with it, no problems.

 

However mail that comes with me listed under his last name still pisses me off

[tikigods]

Its been well over a year now and I haven't taken my husbands last name, its fun getting the mail to us right now since its almost always as combo of our names ;D

 

My big reasoning is I am lazy and don't want to deal with the hassle that is changing the last name, my mom has been remarried for like 6 years now and just this past month took her husbands last name ;D

 

Husband is fine iwth it, and he told me if his family wasn't so last name crazy he would just take mine ;D he likes it better (he even suggested we both just hyphanate our names)

[jerbear]

My view is:

• I did not adopt her as her guardian
  
• She is not my child
  
• She is my equal, till later that night, when I'm on top.
  
• Married her for her, name and all
  
• Saves money from changing stuff around
  
• Asians with hyphenated names? Think about it...
  
• She having an asian last name? Think about it...
  
• New name does not sound right
  
• Why bother reading this list?
  
• I still remember her maiden name
  
• Gives me another reason to "chase" her after marriage
  
• Don't care to much about last names
  
• Why are you still reading?
  

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

My view is:

• I did not adopt her as her guardian
  
• She is not my child
  
• She is my equal, till later that night, when I'm on top.
  
• Married her for her, name and all
  
• Saves money from changing stuff around
  
• Asians with hyphenated names? Think about it...
  
• She having an asian last name? Think about it...
  
• New name does not sound right
  
• Why bother reading this list?
  
• I still remember her maiden name
  
• Gives me another reason to "chase" her after marriage
  
• Don't care to much about last names
  
• Why are you still reading?
  

 

:confused: HUH? What does asian have to do with this? Adopting?

[blind_otter]

:confused: HUH? What does asian have to do with this? Adopting?

 

jerbear is asian, doofus. why else would he mention it? Aside from random psychosis.

[bab]

Yeah, this type thread has gotten pretty heated in the past. It took me a very very long time to decide, but I'm taking his name and putting my maiden name as my middle name. For the next 4 years I'm going to use my full name in the professional world, and then stop using the middle name when it has become established that I'm the same person. And more importantly, I have a permanent job!

 

You should do what you and your fiance want. Don't worry about what other people think.

[ladyinwaiting]

I'm keeping my last name for work purposes, and adopting his for some personal matters. The nature of my career means I can't readily give up my last name, because I need the name recognition.

 

The change for personal reasons is mainly practicality - people will start using the "Mr and Ms X" and I couldn't be bothered correcting them. Plus, his last name is really cool. I will not abide being "Mrs [husband's first name] X" though. The first name stays. Any company addresses a letter to me like I'm some kind of lesser adjunct to the husband will instantly loose my business immediately.

[neek]

screw what other people think, do what you want to do, its your name, not theirs to have a say in, and if the hubby is fine, what's the problem?

[Curmudgeon]

My wife wanted to keep her last name for professional reasons and because she shared it with her daughters. However, it was her former married name and I wasn't having it. Thankfully, she agreed and since we were both in the same profession with name recognition and access in the same political circles, switching to my last name was a bit of a bump in the road, not a mountain. Initially she'd sign with "our" name and put her old last name in parentheses and after awhile, that was no longer necessary.

[whichwayisup]

He meant in the way that she is his equal. Like he kept his folks name, etc... So why should a woman (not his child) change her name. Atleast I hope that is what he meant.........

[magda]

I haven't changed my name yet, but I will eventually. I guess. Even though I like my name better. I don't care for my maiden middle name so I'm just going to take it out when I get around to changing my name. Once we have this baby we can be the "___ family" instead of me being the odd person in the family with the different name.

[Curmudgeon]

In time, your child will be thankful for that.

[jerbear]

:confused: HUH? What does asian have to do with this? Adopting?

 

She is my equal, marriage to me is approximately a 50/50 proposition. Since I'm asian, I can not imagine her hyphenating her name:

ie.

Jane Doe-Wang

Gosia Wozinski-Wang

Elizabeth Goodman-Wang

 

To me it looks weird but that is me.

 

jerbear is asian, doofus. why else would he mention it? Aside from random psychosis.

Random psychosis :lmao:

[Art_Critic]

Personally I would want my wife to have my lastname as that is one of the things I can give her..

Any children would have my name why not her as well..

 

When I was married she took my name and it made me feel good.. made me feel truly accepted..

 

But this is me

 

IhavenoFREAKINclue if he is fine with you keeping your last name then all is good..

You both are the ones that need to be in agreement on this and it seems you are...

[RecordProducer]

I took my husband's last name with pleasure.

The reasons are:

 

- I wanted to be Mrs. LOML;

- That's the tradition and I believe you have to have precise reasons for NOT taking it, not for taking it;

- I was "wearing" my ex-husband's last name prior to this marriage;

- I love my new last name;

- It's OUR name now - our common denominator.

[quankanne]

I'm keeping my last name for work purposes, and adopting his for some personal matters.

 

my co-worker did this, mostly because she couldn't get all three names to fit on her byline at the paper (which would have been needed so that the readers knew she was still the same writer). However, as her married name is Necessary, it's pretty hilarious trying to explain that one to people!

 

I took DH's name and started using it professionally went back to writing. At this point, though, I use all four (my double-southern given name, my maiden and my married name) so that "our Hispanic readers will feel a connection to our paper," as my boss puts it. Which is fine with me. Sometimes it's easier for people to remember me by my maiden name, and that works well, too.

 

I will not abide being "Mrs [husband's first name] X" though

 

I must confess, I still get a thrill when people call me Mrs. Quank, I find it terribly romantic ... but I'm silly that way.

 

to the original poster: People tend to go by with what you stick with, just like when you give your baby a name and use/don't use a nickname for that child. So let them know what you're most comfortable with, and don't let the rest bother you if it's not an issue between you and your groom.

[quankanne]

I took my husband's last name with pleasure.

 

I bet that's not all that you took with pleasure, honeymooner! :laugh:

[RecordProducer]

I took my husband's last name with pleasure.

 

I bet that's not all that you took with pleasure, honeymooner! :laugh:

He took mine too!

[Elyssa]

Why should a woman lose something as important as part of her heritage and family names when she gets married? In my opinion it's a concession of her independence and personality. I don't see many men taking their wives last name's, why? I'm an individual person, and hence I'm keeping my own name, that identifies me as such, intact. A marriage, is, after all, a contract between husband and wife, not a purchase.

 

In my country people has two surnames (first one is the father's first, second one the mother's first), no middle name, and when you are going to address somebody, you use either the first one or both. So when we were starting to think of marriage (to an american, with only one last name), the idea of replacing or adding another one was almost unthinkable... what a headache.

 

Two years after, I still have people call me Mrs. Hubby'sLastName, and they get promptly corrected... most people is nice about it, though perhaps a little confused by my having two surnames (most people acts as if my first surname was my middle name, when in fact it's not).

 

Though I admit keeping my name had practical purposes, it was mostly my refusing to give up that part of myself. My family would have been pretty upset if I had given up either of my names. In my country, they are a very important part of who you are, and in some circles, you can instantly know alot about somebody just by one nof the names or combination of names (bloodlines, heritage, aristocratic positions and titles held by the family...even wealth in some cases). They are not disposable and easy to change like you do can in other countries like the US, hence why they become a very important part of you.

 

So, perhaps it's me being european and valuing what my surnames mean, perhaps it's me being a little feminist at heart, but while I respect women who chose to take their husband's last name.... I'm absolutely glad I took the decision to keep mine.

 

-E

[littlekitty]

I 100% want to be Mrs 'LittleKitty's SO'!!

 

It will actually give me the exact same forename and surname as his little sister!! And we were born one day apart (albeit with several years between us!)... weird!!

 

But yep, I want to take his name. That's just me, I like the tradition.

[Outcast]

I'm keeping my own name,

 

No woman has her 'own name'. It's her father's or her husband's unless she's from a matriarchal society. The only way any woman can have 'her own name' is to make one up and change her name legally to it.

 

I will not abide being "Mrs [husband's first name] X" though

 

It is highly likely that anyone who calls you that will not have put in the hours of thought about the 'importance' of names that you have. It's simply an old social convention. Strictly speaking, you are Mrs. Husband's Firstname Husband's Lastname since you have become a 'Mrs' to that man. However to refuse to do business with someone because they haven't agonized about the deep and serious implications of name use is a bit much, don't you think?

 

Some people (myself included) don't give a rat's butt about how someone came by a name and certainly can't magically divine each individual's idiosyncratic desire to have a name treated just so. A woman who insisted on proper etiquette, for instance, would not abide NOT being 'Mrs. Husband's Firstname Husband's Lastname' since that is the epitome of etiquette. How is a stranger to know you are not that sort of woman?

[JayKay]

I would never give up my last name.

 

I worked hard to establish myself in my career and it's the name I've published articles under.

 

It's my family name. It's part of my heritage!

 

Traditionally, you took a man's last name because you were subordinate in the relationship -- the same way the father 'giving away the bride' at a wedding represented that a woman was this frail creature who needed to be taken care of under a man's guidance.

 

No way!

 

I love my BF dearly but his name is his name....and my name is my name.