Not taking his last name

[SurpriseSurprise]

cool thanks.

 

If he want's to try out what it is like to have your name. Try a Safeway card they look at the card a say your name. It is out there and low key at the same time. Every time you shop you hear your new name.

[Walk]

When I got engaged I had discussed with my exH if he'd change his last name to mine. He said no. He wouldn't. I was really attempting to get him to understand the emotional aspects of changing your name. Wanted him to place himself in my shoes and try to understand what I was feeling. Basically, he said it was tradition, that men do not change their last names, women do. blah blah... So I tried explaining how it represented a tradition in which women were veiwed as property, and it really bothered me. No comprehension on his part. Tried explaining the hassel of it legally. He said it wasn't a big deal.

 

He was opposed to taking my name because his name was his fathers name. And he had a family line to uphold. Being the only son of his father and all. That was his argument. So I resigned myself to taking his last name.

 

Man, I am so happy to be out of that relationship. Whew! What a mistake. I think if a man can't even attempt to understand how it would affect a person to change their name, then it shows they don't really take your feelings into consideration. And to me, this was a major deal.. to him I was making a big deal outta nothing.

[SurpriseSurprise]

For me it started at a friends wedding. I asked did she take his name or hyphenate. She responded how come you don't ask if he has taken her name. That started a conversation much like one you described. Men don't take woman's name, tradition, social norm all that. This lead us to talk about us and what we will do. My position was by having two names marriage is just a piece of paper. Her position was she could not change her name due to her career. This is true. She basically put it that men are unable to make the great sacrifice that woman make. With this the gantlet was thrown down. I of course had to say that is not true. Then came the idea of the experiment. I would go by her name and show that it was possible.

 

So she set off and changed my name in as many places as possible with out making it permanent. I myself was pretty excited by the challenge. I went in with enthusiasm to show in the end I can make it work. By the end of the week we were Ms. & Mr. Margaret her name. That Friday she made reservations at a restaurant we go to on now and then. When we got there the reservation was under Ms. & Mr. Margaret her name. This the hostess called when our table was ready. When sitting down the hostess said to her will he be requiring a menu. Margaret's response was "no this is my treat". This set the tone. Boy I thought what have I gotten myself into. The waitress was full of smiles and said many compliments to me but only ask questions to Margaret. Another challenge I ran into was when we were out I used one of my credit cards with my name on it. This was contradicting the rules. So I would leave my wallet at home or let her hold onto it so I just had my debit card she set up with her name on it. I did have a couple of experiences were I had to call her over to buy something because I couldn't. About month into it after treating it more like a game it started to catch up with me how much I was represented as an extension of her. At times even dependant on her identity to do things. When people complimented me it was with her name. On the other had I would say compliments of her and it was our name. In turn she was more confident and proud. In situations of scepticism she wouldn't hesitate to say how much of a man I was. Sharing the name was a connection that takes getting used to but I feel it makes us one.

 

In the end I will be keeping her name. I don't see that I will be at the end of issues of a man taking the woman's name but I see I can make it work. In fact it would be easier to do if more men did it then it would be just another option for couples. Not this big counter culture statement.

[genegri]

I am married and didn't take his name. Our child also has my lastname.

[CaterpillarGirl]

In my career field, once you publish under one name, you pretty much have to keep it. So, aside from (hopefully!) adding a "Dr." to the front, I have no plans on changing my name legally. On the other hand, I am completely okay with someone referring to me as Mrs. "Potential Hubby's Name". And I have no problems with our kids having that name either.

 

Some friends of mine got married and instead of taking one or the other's last name, they created a new one - which sounded fabulous with both of their first names. My first name is really unique and its hard to match with certain last names, so it is also something I'd have to consider.

[SurpriseSurprise]

I am married and didn't take his name. Our child also has my lastname.

 

This what I would not want. I know she will not change her name. I even agree why. What I would not want is to look estranged from my children. I think it would feel like I am her date and not her husband.

[SurpriseSurprise]

Some friends of mine got married and instead of taking one or the other's last name, they created a new one - which sounded fabulous with both of their first names.

 

This is kinda cool. It is like starting fresh together. It wouldn't work for us. She has made a name for herself and me it makes no differnce if I show up to work the next day with a different name.

[genegri]

This what I would not want. I know she will not change her name. I even agree why. What I would not want is to look estranged from my children. I think it would feel like I am her date and not her husband.

 

I do understand and in fact that's why I gave the child my lastname. I don't want to look estranged from my child either.