LandPirate Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Hi, I am hoping that someone can help me figure things out in this maddening situation I am in. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have lived together for 1 of those years. Close to the beginning of our relationship, he went on a trip to Jamaica, the night before he left he called me up and dumped me. I was devastated but he told me that it is a sign of weakness that I am upset and that was it. About a month later he called me begging for forgiveness. It took about a month of begging but for some dumb reason I caved. I found out about 6 months after this that he dumped me that night because his trip was with another woman he knew and he would feel less guilty about having sex with her if he dumped me first! That angered me but the past was the past and he assured me that he would never again do this to me that he loved me and that he is eternally sorry for lying. heh! All went well for the next near year and a half, we moved in together, things were progressing and he was starting to speak of possible engagement. I was elated. Until the bomb was dropped. This past January, I came down with the flu, my loving boyfriend decided that he didn't want to catch it so he went out of his way to avoid me instead of helping me as I always did for him when he was sick. All he did was maybe twice a day toss some food at me and a drink or two, then he went out. The one night, when he came home he said that his guy friend asked him to meet him in LA to hang out. I told him that was upsetting to me and that if he went it would be rude being I needed his help. He blew a complete fit! Crying and all! I was a bit put off.. The rest of the weekend he accused me of being in his way and trying to come between his friends and he. That boggled me because he went out with friends often enough and I never stopped him. He then decided to kick me out of the house while I was still sick. I went to a friends and then eventually just flew back East to my family as I was heartbroken, and still quite ill. Keep in mind this all happened in the course of maybe 4-5 days. I found out later, the reason he was so upset was the friend in LA was really the same woman he went to Jamaica with 2 yrs earlier. It sickened me. I also did an internet search and found him on a few dating sites that were paid sites during the time we were together.. He is now begging me to forgive him and thinks that I should have enough love and understanding to give him another chance. He will not leave me alone even though I said to get out of my life. Am I just a nut thinking that he is always going to cheat? He calls me vicious and mean spirited because I still hold so much anger for him and feel that I cannot trust him. I feel like I am still a bit in an emotional hell and he will never change. What are your thoughts? Should I stay on my current path and just avoid him at all costs? Does he deserve my attentions again? HELP!! Link to post Share on other sites
tigger Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 This is the vicious cycle I've spoken of. He'll continue to do this to you until you put a stop to it. And by "putting a stop to it" I mean, don't go back to him. I don't know you from the next person that walks by my office, but - I BEG YOU, don't sell yourself short. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment! You deserve someone who would have been there for you while you were ill. And to kick you out while you were ill, words escape me. He is slime. He is worse than slime. Ask yourself this, would you ever treat another person this way? Would you ever treat a significant other this way? If you answered "no", then why do you think it's ok if someone treats YOU this way. I fall back on this saying all the time, "do unto others as you'd have done to yourself". It applies both ways. You need to respect yourself and let him move on to the next girl he can hurt. Don't fall for the "I'll never do it again", "I know I screwed up", but "I know your a good person and you'll forgive me and we can move on from this". He's gotten away with it once already, he obviously believes he'll get away with again and again. He's not ready to be in a relationship, he might never be. Believe in yourself, be strong and move onto someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I started my vicious cycle at 20 - and ended it at 32 - I still regret giving up all those years of what could have been happiness rather than utter depression! Not to mention his dragging me into an ocean of debt!!!! PLEASE.....DON'T TALK WITH HIM ANYMORE. If you have stuff at his house, maybe there is someone who could go and get it for you. The sooner you start healing, the sooner you'll realize he's not worth a single thought...AND YOU ARE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THAT!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 RUN AWAY FROM HIM! RUN HARD, RUN FAST!!! Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on ME. Don't go back unless you want the same treatment in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.P Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Agreed. The fact that he's been on dating sites whilst with you says a lot about his commitment to you. Don't go back at all. And this is coming from someone who can't see past the end of my nose lol Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Everything they said!! Get away now. There's no way this man is going to change, or you're going to be able to trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
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