openskies Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Ok, I just signed up after reading many... MANY... posts on this subject. But of course the feeling of "me too" is hard to ignore, and sure, we all think our situation is the same but different. So, I intuitively know the answers, and have read them. BTW, thanks to CaliGuy... good stuff, I see you're becoming the balanced, confident person we all ought to be and deserve to be for ourselves. My situation (short version): I had been a in a relationship for just about 6 months, was being taken for granted so I broke up with her... she tried to convince me otherwise but not very hard. Called her after a week, talked for 1.5 hours about the relationship, missing each other (we both did) and wanting to see each other. Briefly discussed getting back together then not doing it. Agreed to talk in person the next day, but she recanted the following morning, then tried to recant from that in the afternoon... but the meeting still didn't happen. She said she'd call me in 2 days to "check up" on me (guess she was feeling pitty... that annoyed me of course). She never did. It has been 3 weeks since the break-up and 2 since our last contact. Staying strong with NC. I would like things to rekindle of course, however not as they were before. So for that, I know we both have to improve and consider things honestly for ourselves... I am doing my part, her? who knows, but for her sake I hope she is. My question is, when/if I get contact from her... most likely a phone call (and if not, I'll hold out for that), what to do if in conversation she wants to broach the "I want us to be friends because I really like hanging out with you". Honestly this is not something I can do, so I will tell her just that. Not because I am bitter, etc... but simply because the truth is I have feelings for her and I am not going to compromise them for her sake... that just would seem silly. That said, I don't want to seem like I am pushing her away for good either. Am I being too diluted thinking that in the future things could be different? She does miss me, because it's normal I know, and she visits my blog regularly, in which I had poetry (yes, I know) about her... I stopped posting anything, now when I get the urge to write, I still do, but I make everything a draft so I can publish them when it's safe again. I am trying to really enforce the NC for her too... as I feel her reading my thoughts is just as bad as me calling her. Hey, thanks for any answers/support... even just writing this is cathartic enough, that I am glad I have (sorry it's long) Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Doing the blog thing is just another way of keeping indirect contact with her: you know she's going to read what you write. As far as what to do when she asks you to be friends...-hey, get the right answer ready...and stick to it! Keeping contact by agreeing to switch into the 'friends' category during a breakup is pseudo-confidence! It'll backfire on you, keeping you mired in the heartache, -so avoid it like the plague! Search this site for "No Foolin's Guide For The Long Walk" (poster: 'NoFoolin', of course) regarding 'No Contact'....that should be plenty to get you moving in the right direction. And, "Good Luck"!! -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author openskies Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 Thanks Rio, I haven't been publishing anything in my blog for the last 10 days now. I realized I was perpetuating contact, so whenever I write I simply don't post it. No one can tell whether I write or not, just me. Mostly I write about me, or things in general... not her, but she may read into it for her sake too, which is precisely why I stopped posting. Read the the guide for the long walk... implementing... slowly, but really going! Of course it's hard... if it was easy I suppose this place wouldn't exist! She is planning on leaving in about a month and half, with no plans to return (going to grad school far from here) so there is a chance she may call to meet and see me before she leaves... Assuming NC until then (so roughly 2 months) and if I still feel that I would want to work things out, would meeting under these circumstances be bad? Since it's likely not fueled by a desire to rekindle, but rather to ease her mind... Thanks, OS Link to post Share on other sites
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