carmaenforcer Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Ok. I would like to discuss proper and improper etiquette when it comes to how we act while in a romantic/committed relationship of any kind. I am personally interested peoples opinions on appropriate way(s) of behaving, dressing, treating the other person, interacting with members of the opposite sex other than your SO, while married or in a committed relationship, but am also interested in hearing peoples opinions on all kind of situations. Here is a question in particular to start this off. (It's important to know that the Wife in this situation has expresses issue with her Husband working in an invironment comprised of nothing but girls except for two other older and not that attractive men and her Husband had promissed before not to make friends with any of the girls there) Your Husband asks you to bring him lunch because you can't get away from the office. You ask him "what do you want to eat?" several times over the period of a couple of hour before lunch, "Are you in the mood for anything in particular?" He says, "no, I can't think of anything. So you suggest burgers, he says, "that's fine". When you get there 20 minutes after talking to him last he already has a sandwich siting on his desk. You know, that because he works in an environment comprised of all girls and the only other man there is also stuck in the office with your Husband not able to go anywhere, that it means whomever gave him that sandwich had to have been one of the girls there. You try not to ask too much because you don't want to make a big deal about it, but you can't help it and you ask. "Have you already eaten?" He answers "no that's a sandwich that Brenda gave me", "I've been craving a sandwich and she happened to be going to the sandwich shop". You ask, "Why didn't you tell me that's what you wanted when I asked?" (having called 10 min. earlier before getting burgers and the sandwich shop being on the way to his work) He replies, "I didn't think about it then." You then ask, "so she was nice enough to get you something?". He replies, "no she gave me half of her sandwich." Ok, so does she have the right to get upset? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I don't know if that's something to get upset about. Brenda just gave him half of her sandwich. I don't think they're sleeping together because of that. I think it's a little psycho to say you can't be friends with anyone in your office. I work with all guys, I don't hang out after work without my BF or at least a couple of girlfriends there, but I'm still friends with them. My Bf can NEVER decide what he wants to eat. Drives me CRAZY. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 It would've been nice if he called and let her know he got something. But other than that, no. Don't read into something that isn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carmaenforcer Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 catgirl, the Husband in this story is a flirt and had cheated on his Wife once before and he took this job knowing that the staff consisted of mostly women and that his Wife had issue with him working there. She actually told him before he took the job and he supposedly told his Dad that his Wife wouldn't like him working with nothing but girls but that he was going to take the job because he worked better with girls. The Wife in the story I mentioned says that her Husband would have issue with her being overly friendly with some guys at her work and would have a fit if she took food from these guys, but now that he did what he did she says it's made it ok for her to do it to. I agree. Not the healthiest thing to do but if the Husband isn't going to think about her feeling in regards to his conduct then he can't expect her to consider his. I don't know. My Wife and I have had discussions about this type of thing, that's why I had to bring up the topic for discussion. "Etiquette!" Is it ok for a guy to make a comment about a hot girl he sees or to make it obvious that he thinks a certain girl is hot if front of his Wife? If his Wife does the same, is it then ok for him to do it? Even though it's normal, human nature to be attracted to other people. Isn't that just rude to do it in front of your SO? My Wife forever makes comments about guys on TV or the movies, no problem, but then when I do it she gets upset. My best friend at work has the same problem with his Wife. Double standard, right? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 If he is cheating on her and repeating the cheating behavior over and over, then she should divorce him. Once you allow that sort of thing you can't get mad when it happens again and again. Your wife shouldn't make comments and then get mad when you do the same. If I'm with someone and he stares at another girl right in front of me, my question is, why is he even with me? If I'm so repulsive that he has to pant at other girls that he'd rather be with, then don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Everyone notices pretty people. But there is a difference between happening to notice and trying to make someone feel bad about themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I am personally interested peoples opinions on appropriate way(s) of behaving, dressing, treating the other person, interacting with members of the opposite sex other than your SO, while married or in a committed relationship, but am also interested in hearing peoples opinions on all kind of situations. ------------------------------------------- I don't have an answer for the half of sandwich you mentioned but I can easily answer the above you stated. My s/o and I treat eachother with the upmost respect. We treat eachother how we, ourselves would want to be treated. We never yell, take our bad work days out on eachother, talk down on eachother, nothing like that at all. Dressing? You mean clothes? Appearance wise? If so, during the day we are in suits (professionals) at night we are both in comfy clothes, and that is just fine with us both! (I know that's a sore subject for some) when we go out we dress up, work is always dress up but home is comfy! I and he treat the opposite sex like another person, with respect. Not sure if you asking about flirting or anything like that? That is not in our relationship what so ever. I look at other men who are there, he too with girls but not in "that way" ... we are for eachother... As far as housework (not sure if that is what you meant by other ways?) we share that, I do, do most of it but he does his share as well. I don't think he is lazy or doesn't care about the house, more like he really thinks it is clean, so what's the problem? We share the property work together. He cooks, I cook. We have lives together and then separate hobbies Link to post Share on other sites
Author carmaenforcer Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 Hi catgirl, I totaly agree with you on this one: Everyone notices pretty people. But there is a difference between happening to notice and trying to make someone feel bad about themselves. Most girls that I've talked to about this think they have a right to say whatever they want about guys they think are cute or hot, some draw a line at movie/TV stars, singers/musicians, celebrities in general arguing that it's safe to lust after those people because it's just a fantasy that has no chance of ever coming true. I argue that you can lust over anyone you want in your fantasies, but at least have the respect for your SO or the tact to not do it in their faces, that's what private thoughts and time with your girl friends is for. I have always fought this with my Wife but she never seems to get the point, until now that I have started to do it myself. Wow, shauna. I am happy that you are having good times with your SO right now. I have a pretty good relationship with my Wife as well, we are just not as refined as some peolpe are, yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 To me, the sandwich is kinda telling of the relationship. I work with some men- not alot- but I would never just offer one half of my sandwich. We're not that close! It would have to be one of my closer male friends for me to do that. Now, one of my female co workers that I'm close to I would definitely offer the sandwich. It was disrespectful IMO for him to ask her to bring him something and then have the sandwich there. I mean if he had something- and was discussing the craving of that with someone- then why did he need her to come by at all?? As far as the comments about the opposite sex. IMO it's okay for my husband to say someone is pretty. I do not want to hear, however, that they have hot tits. It's perfectly okay when they are on TV, but I don't want to hear how attractive a real life attainable woman is, especially one he might work with. Luckily we don't have that problem. Neither one of us make comments about the opposite sex- in front of each other- or when the other isn't present. Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 To me, the sandwich is kinda telling of the relationship. As far as the comments about the opposite sex. IMO it's okay for my husband to say someone is pretty. I do not want to hear, however, that they have hot tits. Yeah, I thought the sandwich was out there too.. Love your other comment! That was a laugh for me this morning! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
MusicWoman Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 mmm...the symbolisim of a sandwich... I personally think its fine for, in my situation, my fiance to say how hot/attractive a female is. Now, to look her up and down is a different story.... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 It is better for his health that he eats a relatively low fat sandwhich rather then a burger... he was merely doing te best for his health hehe Link to post Share on other sites
MusicWoman Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 It is better for his health that he eats a relatively low fat sandwhich rather then a burger... he was merely doing te best for his health hehe unless, of course, the burger was of the 'veggie' variety; while the said sandwich was covered with, um, mayo! Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 I'd be very wary of what they put into burgers these days! Of course maybe the call to the wive and sandwich was an elaborate plan on a subliminal level to get his wife over and say to her the obvious fact that there is somthing going on with Brenda. Also the whole office knows and is watching. There's also a hidden camera and a cheesy reality television show host hiddden next door. The whole things staged. The sandwich is poisoned. Who ate the burger? My, that is a mighty powerful sandwich - the sandwich of destiny! And to think I was just going to say "What if..." To answer the question: Some couples find themselves secure in their relationship to say "I like her pair of ####" but if they do both accept it off each other. CAn't have one rule for one and not the other. Not fair, not equality, not "normal"? I personally wouldn't if it inspires bad feelings. Then again some people like the knowledge that their partner chooses to be with them over some other hot guy/girl/animal go figure! We are all different and must choose what is right for ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 that is the silliest thing i have ever read! i am all for suspions when neccessary, but this one is easy...to start with...he wants her to come to his place of work...secondly, most women i know dont eat the ENTIRE sandwich that comes from a deli... she should kiss him, look hot, and deliver his burger! dont read so much into things just because your man is in a working envirnment with women. you are his woman. remember and be confident in that! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 We have lives together and then separate hobbies Has he ever said something to you that you had no reason not to believe him, but then you find out it's not true? how does that make you feel and have you ever questioned him on why he may have lied? Link to post Share on other sites
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