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why is he so stubborn?


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Individual3

I have feelings for my guy friend who has a girlfriend. However I think he has deep feelings for me but is too stubborn to admit it to anyone, including himself. He knows how I feel, but I've made it clear to him that we can't do anything sexual as long as he's still in a relationship because I don't want to interfer with them and he accepts that. Whenever he sees me he suddenly becomes very happy. Whenever he hugs me he squeezes me tight and picks me up -- his whole face lights up.

 

When we hang out, we often get mistaken for a couple and many of our mutual friends have been trying to get us together for a while now even though I've told them to let things happen on their own. He is the type of person that if he's constantly told to do something he wouldn't do it. For example, if he has a shirt that has holes in it, with missing buttons, and doesn't fit properly if everyone tells him not to wear that shirt he will wear it just to prove a point even though he himself doesn't like the shirt either.

 

I was angry at him recently because I told him something personal, his gf demanded to know what it was, he told her, and then she used that information to spread rumors about me :o . I was upset because I felt he should never have told her, but maybe he thought she wouldn't blab about it to everyone. I wouldn't speak to him for a few weeks and one day he justed started being friendly and trying to get me to open up. I think he felt really bad and that must have been his way of apologizing. I've forgiven him and I'm not upset anymore.

 

I would like to know how we can fix the friendship. How do I get my friend to open up more? I think that despite what happened, maybe we can become better friends than we were before :) .

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blind_otter

I'm not sure. IME it's a bad idea to maintain a friendship where one or the other party has feelings and they aren't necessarily reciprocated.

 

I mean, it really looks like you're reading into things. If you say he's too stubborn to admit that he has feelings for you, hey. Respect that. He's doing what he feels is appropriate right now, and that's what grown ups do. You shouldn't be trying to convince him of anything, and you should expect that people in committed relationships share information with each other -- only disclose what is appropriate.

 

Sit down and talk to him. See if he has a desire to continue the friendship before jumping to conclusions.

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