Why CHANGE is SO HARD....

[longlegzs80]

I am fed up and sick of my life and know I need to change to make anything happen, but find I am not motivated, have a drive for doing things different for the better, etc. I don't even know where to start or how to go about change, or accepting change.

 

Where do you begin? What have your experiences been in the past or now? Do you write a list of things you need to change? HELP. Thanks in advance.

[whichwayisup]

I say try therapy. If you want to change then work your tail off to DO the changes you feel that need to happen to make you a better and stronger person. What you put into therapy is what you get out of it.

 

Learning how to control your anger is a reason to go too.

 

For me, as I have anxiety, I do see someone to help me. We not only do the work I need to do to work through my anxiety issues, we also talk about everything else. Having someone to just listen to you and show you better ways (teach you actually) of handling things, changing your ways of thinking and changing behaviours is really helpful.

 

Do a list for yourself. Good and bad. What do you love about yourself? What do you dislike about yourself? What would you want to change about you? What can you eliminate from your life that really serves you no purpose, that adds to your anger. What is it that really makes you mad. Then sit and think...Write your answers down for yourself.

 

Hope this helps.

[longlegzs80]

Thank you for the great reply. I have been told to go to therapy, from this site and one other and I know it would benifit, but it is a money issue and I don't know how much longer I will have my current job so I could lose my health insurance. My job I know is a big contribute to my anger so I am about to dump it. anyways, thanks again for your reply.

[whichwayisup]

Check out your local colleges and Universities. Could be cheaper that way. Google therapists in your area, look in the phone book.

 

I do suggest you start writing in a journal everyday. Rate your day 3x. How you feel on a scale of 1-10. 10 being the worst, 1 being great! Write down your moods. Also, be aware of all the little things that make you mad. Keep track of them. Maybe seeing it on paper you'll notice how some stuff can be worked on and some stuff you can let roll off your back.

 

Think back to your childhood, your parents, siblings, in school - how were you treated by everybody..There has to be something in you that brings this anger out and triggers you uncontrollably.

 

Don't worry, take baby steps and do it all day by day.

 

I will also add the breathing technique, and doing yoga. That will help relax you and when you feel that anger coming - YOU can control it instead of it controlling you.

[monkey00]

longlegz, before you take a jump at a therapist. how about taking a stab at a self-help cure.

 

The only true method to progressing with change is getting out of your comfort-zone...which means breaking daily routines and attempting different new ones. But as all things it's easier said than done, fact is it's based on one's mindset.

Often you have to WANT change bad enough to make it happen, if you dont...it wont be easy jumping out of your loop.

 

you can start off asking yourself these questions -

What do i need to accomplish today?

What do i need to do/get to accomplish goal XY?

How will i get there? (from point A to B)

What can I do?

 

I'd recommend the book The Questions Behind the Questions. it's a small book and very motivating to read if you get a chance, do pick it up.

[CaliGuy]

I am fed up and sick of my life and know I need to change to make anything happen, but find I am not motivated, have a drive for doing things different for the better, etc. I don't even know where to start or how to go about change, or accepting change.

 

Where do you begin? What have your experiences been in the past or now? Do you write a list of things you need to change? HELP. Thanks in advance.

 

Change begins with a mindset. If you've hit rock bottom you've realized it sucks.

 

I started off reading books.

Then I wrote down my purpose in life.

Then I wrote down some attainable goals that pertained only to me.

I stick reminders everywhere of what I want to accomplish. At work, at home and even in my car.

I bounce ideas off others and found a few mentors to learn from.

I got out of my comfort zone.

 

Start off with doing the small things and work your way up to the bigger ones. You'll get it in time

[mental_traveller]

I think therapy is not a good idea, unless you have some bio-chemical disorder or mental illness. Great achievers from the past didn't use therapy, many "screwed up" people achieved great things in their life (e.g. Winston Churchill who was an alcoholic manic-depressive). A therapist will charge you a fortune to listen to you ramble on. Really, how many people have a loser's life, then go to a therapist, and 6-12 months later are real high achievers? IMO therapy is for specific issues, like handling a divorce/adultery, temporary depression (e.g. if you get fired and lose your drive), if you've been in a traumatic accident or other such problems.

 

The times when I went on to achieve a lot were when I started out trying to achieve something small but concrete. Doing that then gave me confidence and got me into the habit of successfully doing something meaningful. It then started a virtuous circle which made it easier and easier to do well. Things aren't always good, but I always know that I'm capable of a lot, I just need the application & hunger to do it.

[PYT]

As usual I agree with what whichway had to say. Try your clocal colleges and universities and see if you can find a group that uses cbt. If you are a self starter you can go to the library and pick up the books by Sam Obitz and David Burns and do the exercises on your own for no cost at all. Cbt is the purest form of self-help I have found and helped me a great deal.