mellie26wr Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Problem is from the start his ex has not been able to get the hint. A month after we started dating she was calling him 25 times a day constantly leaving voicemail about how she loved him and wanted him back. He confronted her and it stopped or that is what I thought, she continued for the next 3 months to call him 4-5 times a day and leave him voicemail. He doesnt want anything to do with her and Never returns her calls and She STILL doesnt get the hint. Here is the catch they do have a child together so they do have to keep in contact somewhat for his son. But the nasty woman she is, she never lets him talk to his son. I finally got him to get rid of the cellphone that she obsessively called and just give her my home number so his son could contact hiim. Now she is leaving messages all the time and NONE of them have anything to do with there son. Which in my mind is the only reason she should be calling him. How do WE get her to get the hint? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 problem here isn't really jsut his ex, the problem is you are dating a guy with a whole lot of baggage. If he has a right to talk and see his son, then he needs to talk to a lawyer about making sure he gets to do those things, but the thing is that this woman will always be apart of his and your life since they do have a son together, and there isn't much you can do to get rid of her due to this fact :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 When I began reading this thread, I assumed your BF was "allowing" this woman to pursue him. I was going to advise him to change his phone number if he was serious about getting rid of her. But then I realized there is a child involved. Unfortunately, you will have to accept this woman's behavior. If she really wants him back, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop her from trying. This woman will ALWAYS be apart of your BF's life because they share a child. This is the main reason that I don't get involved with men who have children, especially when the baby's moma is a drama queen like this one. My only advice to you is: accept the consequences, or get out of this relationship because there is nothing anyone can do to change "the EXGF/ Baby's Moma." Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellie26wr Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 Well I know that I have to deal with her, and I have my own children and an ex too. But my ex husband has moved on and is now married and only calls to discuss our children. I am having a hard time understanding why this woman cant grow up and just be an adult about this. Everyone has baggage and I have plenty of my own but it is hard to accept that I have to deal with such an awful person as long as I am with him. I am in the same boat she is with my ex and I respect his new life and only discuss my kids with him. Why cant she show the same respect and courtesy? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Why cant she show the same respect and courtesy? Because everybody is different! Sure, it would be nice is she were more mature, but she obviously isn't. Nobody can change her. If you choose to stay, then you must choose a way to mentally block her existence so that her phone calls and constant nagging your BF doesn't drive you insane. But eventually, this whole situation will wear you down and get the best of you. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Perhaps when you are not around he is returning some of her non-child-related calls and giving her an idea that he might want something to do with her, after all? Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Perhaps when you are not around he is returning some of her non-child-related calls and giving her an idea that he might want something to do with her, after all? Thats possible and its also possible that the ex is just nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Well I know that I have to deal with her, and I have my own children and an ex too. But my ex husband has moved on and is now married and only calls to discuss our children. I am having a hard time understanding why this woman cant grow up and just be an adult about this. Everyone has baggage and I have plenty of my own but it is hard to accept that I have to deal with such an awful person as long as I am with him. I am in the same boat she is with my ex and I respect his new life and only discuss my kids with him. Why cant she show the same respect and courtesy? How long has it been hon? It's taken well over a year (nearly 16 months now) since my SO left his exgf and son for the crap to slow down to a dribble. At first she was always texting, calling, mailing, abusing, threatening, following.... she was a crazy women. Now we've been together just over a year, and just last month moved in, things have calmed down. But I'm still awating the next big blow-up from her, because I've kinda got used to it!! But it won't stop until: A) Your SO tells her in no uncertain terms that he only wishes to speak with her about their child and nothing else. B) She's willing to listen to the above and actually follow it!! She'll keep going until she's ready to stop and try to move on! Ignore it for the main part. Feel sorry for her, she is in pain and she is hurting. It might not be your fault, but you can have empathy as a women. Don't let it stress you out. Ensure you SO is open and honest with you and about his communication with her. As long as you do that, you should be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellie26wr Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 I believe that he has cut all ties with her. The only phone he has access too is mine and obviously I can track all long distant phone calls he makes. We have only been together for 6 months and he left her in Sept of 05 so we got together shortly after he left her. SO I guess I can see her maybe not being over him but from what I am told the whole 8 years they were together she cheated on him 4+ times and it was always BAD! I just dont see how you can hang on to someone that you treated so badly and expect him to want to still talk or even associate with you! I will take everyones advice, but I love him and trust him, so I guess I will have to just ignore her immaturaty. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 I believe that he has cut all ties with her. The only phone he has access too is mine and obviously I can track all long distant phone calls he makes. We have only been together for 6 months and he left her in Sept of 05 so we got together shortly after he left her. SO I guess I can see her maybe not being over him but from what I am told the whole 8 years they were together she cheated on him 4+ times and it was always BAD! I just dont see how you can hang on to someone that you treated so badly and expect him to want to still talk or even associate with you! I will take everyones advice, but I love him and trust him, so I guess I will have to just ignore her immaturaty. Quite similar to my story then!! My SO's ex treated him awfully, he suspects she was messing around etc, but mainly it was just a terrible relationship. She spent the first couple of months calling him all the names under the sun and telling him that he was a terrible father. It was all bravado though and eventually she cracked and begged him to go back. She then alternated between the two behaviours for about a year...!! We couldn't understand how she thought that he would even contemplate going back after all the terrible nasty wicked things she had said to him, and how she had behaved. She actually chased me down the road trying to fight me one time...!! Hang on in there. My best friend who is a single Mum explained to me that because of the child link, it would take her quite a while to get over him. I was patient and things have now calmed down. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellie26wr Posted April 13, 2006 Author Share Posted April 13, 2006 THank you! I will hang in there. Maybe she will grow up soon, I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 If she doesn't grow up soon he can do what I did with the ex. She called and left messages all the time, none of them pleasant. I finally gave her a pager number and told her to use it only if the call was about something legitimate having to do with our children. I also told her that continued calls for any other reason would result in a restraining order for harassment that was contrary to the peace and good order of my home. It worked! Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 The only phone he has access too is mine and obviously I can track all long distant phone calls he makes. I will take everyones advice, but I love him and trust him, so I guess I will have to just ignore her immaturaty. Something doesn't quite add up here. . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellie26wr Posted April 14, 2006 Author Share Posted April 14, 2006 What I meant was IF I needed to track his calls I could. Link to post Share on other sites
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