bad husband

[maya97]

i am a 26 y/o who married my college sweetheart two years ago. we dated about 5 years before marriage. after we married he took a night job working 5 nights per week. now on the weekends he tends to stay out all night and he is not working. he has been doing this so long that it is affecting my self esteem. i want to leave him because he has hurt me far too much, but i do not believe in divorce and i would be sooooooo embarrassed.

 

i am at the end of my rope. he is also a heavy drinker and smokes marijuanna. i think i do not even love him any more.

 

please help.

[odyne]

Staying in a marriage just so you don't have to say you've been divorced is a valid reason for some people, but if you are not happy in the relationship, why only stay for that reason? Since we don't know much about the situation there are of course a thousand other variables that affect this advice. Do you have any children? Have you tried seeking help? Counseling or anything like that? I'm wary of telling you to end things without having more information, I guess my advice would be to make an all out effort to improve things or get your husband to understand your feelings, that is, if you still want the relationship. Give it one more chance, ask him to go to counseling with you possibly. If he won't budge, or you still feel very unhappy about the whole thing, than maybe try some separation. If it's a decision you want to make, but you're still scared about doing it, ease into the idea of divorce. If you separate for a while, either he will realize that he wants to work to keep the marriage, or you will come to see that you value your freedom more than you ever knew and will have the courage to go through with starting over. Have faith in yourself, base your decisions on your feelings and not your fears of what other people will think. After you've put your all into something, and it doesn't work out, sometimes you just have to let it go. You deserve to be happy. Just don't give up on him until you're sure that things can't be repaired. Take care. If you give us more information we may be better at giving advice. At least I might.

 

-Odyne