When the OM is the addiction

[vikingruler]

I have posted a couple different threads on her about my seperation and all the issue I am having with it, but I want to ask another point question and see what feedback I get.

 

My W has been unhappy for a while (she says), about a month ago when she was helping a friend move out of her house when she separated from her abusive H, she met her friends cousin. Seemed to be a very nice charming person. So they started to calling each other and it rapidly grew. I have since found out that he goes after single and married woman and really seems to be after the fun of it rather than a relationship. Anyways, I was talking to a friend who had a similiar situation and he said something that I hadn't thought of.

 

What if the OM is like a drug, she has been depressed in the past. Could he be a acting like a drug that she doesn't want to get rid of. Besides having fun she has little incommon with him. He has habits that she hates, smoking and execessive drinking.

 

So does that change how I react to her?

Do I treat her like someone on drugs?

[Ladyjane14]

My understanding of Infatuation is that it can indeed cause some biochemical effects on the brain. You get some pleasurable adrenaline and whatnot associated with the object of your affection, so yeah...."addiction" is as good a word as any for wanting to keep that good feeling going.

 

I think I might have recommended to you on another thread that you read a copy of Surviving An Affair by Harley. You'll get alot of information on how to cope with your situation.

[TallBrownEyes]

I could really see that as a possibility...viewing it that way.

 

So, you would think that it would stand to reason that once you did it, were found out, and got your life straight and your family back, you'd never want to do it again. Once you've crossed the line and saw everything you had to stand to lose, you would know better. Sad to say, my ex not only did it once, but repeated himself 7 years later. Once might be a reason to stay and work on the marriage, but to have to get 'high' more than once is a sign of a more serious issue.

 

I hope this is something you can work out...it's a big risk to throw yourself back into the marriage after the affair. I really thought I could do it..I found out the hard way that my ex was a good actor..the only thing the first affair taught him was how to do it and do it well. It's hard on your heart, but if you BOTH work on it..100 percent..especially on her part..MORESO on her part, it can be done. I do wish you all the luck in the world.

 

Hugs!

[Mz. Pixie]

Oh gosh, to me, OM or OW is always an addiction!

 

Have you visited marriagebuilders.com?? Great information on that site there!

 

I was a cheating spouse in my first marriage, and I can definitely tell you it's an addiction. You're not yourself- you don't think right- which is not to say you're not responsible for your actions because you are. It's just that getting what the OP is giving you is so intoxicating that you're willing to do all kinds of things- lie, cheat, etc to get it.