My best friend is going downhill fast.

[movinon05]

I have a best friend of 39 years. A few years ago, she had a nervous breakdown. She was diagnosed as bipolar. She takes a number of prescriptions, they change so often, I can't possibly remember them all. She has been on a bad downhill slide for the past few years. Her family has all but given up on her and either doesn't speak to her or patronizes her.

 

She has a doctorate in neurobiology and has taught at a number of universities, but not anymore. She has always taken medicine for migraines. And says she knows what medicines she needs to take. She lives far away and I haven't seen her in about 3 years, but we talk often. I am the only one she can talk to, but most times when we talk, she sounds like she is out of it. She lays in her bed everyday and barely functions. She has lost about 70 pounds. Many times, she just cries on the phone.

 

I know I am only getting one side of the story when I talk to her, but she confides everything in me and I don't know how to help her. She thinks that I am the only one who understands her. She says she is seeking help locally but is having a problem finding someone to help that she believes has any knowledge about her problems. She never mentions that her family may just be done because of these medications she's taking. I don't think she feels she has a problem with regard to these pills.

 

I am terribly concerned about her, but I can't talk to her family because it would probably get back to her and she would be devastated. And she has many ongoing family problems that are rendering her helpless.

 

She has always been my rock - as I said - 39 years! She has always been strong and has pulled me out of my worst moments. I won't abandon her, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel helpless. All I can do is be there for her to talk to. But I can't tell you how upsetting this is to see my best friend this way.

 

There are a lot more details to this, but I could not possibly write it all. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose her as she gets progressively worse. Am I just supposed to be there for emotional support? I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to her, but I have no clue about prescriptions, etc. It just seems to me that she is on so many things that she doesn't have the capacity to be able to self medicate, but she believes she does. Does anyone have any kind of suggestions? I'm just scared and heartbroken over this. Her life is wasting away.

[blind_otter]

Ostensibly, all her doctors would be informed of the various meds she's taking, in case there are any interactions to be concerned about. Also, her pharmacy should be aware of this. She may be going to different pharmacies and filling scripts without using insurance? Otherwise, her insurance should monitor the scripts, the frequency of refills, and possible interactions.

 

Have you voiced your fears to her?

 

Maybe you should visit her.

[movinon05]

Well ideally I would visit her if I could but she's 13 hours away, I can't afford to fly, I don't have a good enough car to drive there, and I also have family and children here I need to take care of. She talks about coming up here to get away from her family, and I hope she does, but I don't even know if she's capable.

 

You raise a few good issues. I don't think she goes to doctors because she is very picky about her doctors and she doesn't drive anymore. I don't know how she gets her medicine or how its paid for, although I am sure she has insurance from her husband. Perhaps he picks it up, but who would prescribe it? She also says she knows what medicines counteract each other. But really, we don't even discuss the medicines. She feels that all of her problems are more with her family and she does have quite a few things to deal with.

 

I have tried to broach the subject with her, but she just begins to tell me what she needs and what it does, and then changes the subject. I'm almost afraid to get into this deeper with her because she already feels alienated from her whole family. And I don't want her to think I am questioning her because I might lose her communicating with me. As I said, she only talks to me about everything and depends on me to be there for her. And there are many times we discuss things and she forgets we even had the conversation. Is it wrong for me to not confront her with more questions and risk her getting mad at me for doubting her? I'm all she has.

[movinon05]

when we talk about her problems or sentimental things she is pretty weepy or out of it. If she asks what's going on with me just to get her mind off her problems, she perks up. She talks clearly, she gives sound advice, and she sounds normal! Is it just because she's drowning in a self pity type thing that she sounds so bad sometimes, but fine when we're talking about something else?

[blind_otter]

when we talk about her problems or sentimental things she is pretty weepy or out of it. If she asks what's going on with me just to get her mind off her problems, she perks up. She talks clearly, she gives sound advice, and she sounds normal! Is it just because she's drowning in a self pity type thing that she sounds so bad sometimes, but fine when we're talking about something else?

 

I wonder about that as well. You may not have a clear picture of what's going on. Do you know anyone else in the area, or family members of hers that you could confirm you suspicions with?

 

Encourage her to visit, you'll likely get a better idea of what's going on with her if you get some face time.

 

I am facing the death of my father right now. I can honestly say, if you feel you would regret not doing something now, don't put it off.

[movinon05]

I wonder about that as well. You may not have a clear picture of what's going on. Do you know anyone else in the area, or family members of hers that you could confirm you suspicions with?

 

Encourage her to visit, you'll likely get a better idea of what's going on with her if you get some face time.

 

I am facing the death of my father right now. I can honestly say, if you feel you would regret not doing something now, don't put it off.

 

I'm truly sorry. I almost lost my father at Christmas. He almost didn't make it, but thankfully he pulled through. I know what you mean about not doing something now. That is what I am afraid of. I don't know people in her area and I can't talk to her family. But it occurs to me that perhaps I can approach the subject if I tell her how she is different depending on what we discuss. Then I can get into it more with her. Its worth a try. Thank you.

 

My heart goes out to you.