I want to figure this out as soon as possible.

[Guest101]

Here's my story and question:

 

me and my boy friend has been dating for 4 months now. We feel good about being with each other for most parts. In our relationship, we both treat each other like friends and lovers. Recently, I had a conversation with him about one or 2 of his characters that I dislike. But turned out, he thought that I was trying to break up with him. My point of addressing this, is wanting him to realize this is something that I dislike, but I'll sure do allow him time to be aware of it and ajust.

 

Obviously, he doesn't see in this way. And as I was being open with him in this conversation, he opened up himself too afterward. And this point didn't suprises me. He told me that in this 4th month, he is still struggling on having me as her girl friend. His ponit of being here is, whenever he is on the campus (we both are college students), when he sees the sorority girls, he sees them very attractive. And he thinks that he is like missing out something (of finding a better one). He thinks that there must be girls out there both pretty inside and out. And he said sometimes it irritates him that he see his guy friends are like jerks, but they all have good-looking girl friend and with good personality (I don't believe him on this, coz I don't think that you can draw to a conclusion of how good a personality that someone has until you know them well.)

 

But from here, I can tell that he would drawn to the girls who are more attractive outside then before he's attracted to them inside. For me and my boyfriend, we both are not the most good-looking person. But the main reason that I love him is I found special parts of him, and I see he can be a very good guy to his spouse and family(regardless about the ONE or TWO characters that I don't like). But now, he opens up this point. This does scares me.

Indeed, the question has revealed once at the beginning of our relationship. I thought he is drawn to me on my personality and the way how I treat him. But seems like at this point, he still feels like he could find someone that is increditably good-looking outside and good on the inside. I wasn't offend by that. But deep down, I feel like, if my boyfriend doesn't find me that special, or even attractive, (My definition of special is: has an inner beauty, foremost. And is someone that so bonded to you), I'm like taking a risk of not knowing when he is gonna look for another target and leave. And I don't like to have this kind of worry in my relationship. And this surely is not a healthy element in a good relationship. So what can I do now? I need advices. THank you

 

P.S. for the reader who like to know more details about this relationship. Me and my boyfriend are in an interacial relationship, and I know him that he is always attractived to girls who are blonde, tiny, and "good-looking".

[aleatoryd]

Aww that sucks! I don't know what to say other than I feel for you. When I was younger I was quite shallow (like that film Shallow Hal) I too liked the "blonde, tiny and 'good looking' girls". There was even a stage when I "scored" girls by rating them on looks, personality, conversation, how in tune we were. I shudder at my past immaturity and naivety. In my case none of them went out of me so there we go - says a lot about my looks and personality lol!

 

The problem is that we all like to think the best of people (no that's not a bad thing in itself it's very nice but...) we end up staring at people from a distance and imagine what someone is like. People are diverse and interesting. Love is just a chemical reaction to bring two people together and give them the opportunity to explore who they are.

 

To be honest and blunt (but maybe not helpful) it might be better for you to be the one dumping him. He can't be in a relationship with you if 1) He doesn't feel the same way about you and 2) He is on the look out for someone else. There is a saying that "familiarity breeds contempt" I think in your case he is looking at the grass in the other meadow and thinking how much better it would be.

 

The thing is he is imagining characteristics and scenarios. If he isn't satisfied with you well that is grossly unfair to you. If you broke up then perhaps he would realise what he had lost. We often fail to appreciate things until we've lost them. Also don't get yourself down - you may see characteristics in him that would be great for marriage but I'm guessing you're both still young.

 

Us guys well I confess I reckon we really do mature slower than girls. He needs to work things out for himself like comitment and how he really should treat people. I'm being judgemental but it seems to me a real jerk thing to do what he has in telling you how he feels about you/others. Talk to him about how you feel about this and see how things go.

 

I'd be careful about mentioning marriage as it sounds a long way off and the guy is probably scared of comitment. Don't sell yourself short and put up with a hurtful and unhealthy relationship. There are plenty of nice guys out there. At the moment a lot of us are going through our jerk/immature stages but in later years we get better!

 

You don't want to be "miss will do for now" I think you know that isn't the right answer so I hope that you do whats right for you and if he has any sense he'll grow up.