Does he want to propose, or is he just joking around?

[ventinginblue]

I couldn't decide which thread to put this under, but I guess this would be the most appropriate.

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year and a month. He's 20 (almost 21 actually), and I'm 17. The age difference has never been a problem for us, because we're on basically the same maturity level, and share nearly all of the same interests.

 

Like any normal couple, we fight and bicker about little things, but we've never broken up or threatened to in the heat of an argument. Overall we have a healthy relationship.

 

But he confuses me sometimes. =/ Every once and a while, he'll make subtle references to marriage. For instance, not too long ago, he was fitting a ring of his onto my finger, took it off, smiled at me, and said "Now I know your ring size... that's handy", and gave me one of those looks. But even more, he'll say that he can't imagine being without me, he'll speak of things we can do in ten years or more (meaning he imagines us together that length of time from now), and once or twice actually asked me if I wanted to get married! I was so surprised by it that all I said was "Are you joking?", but kinda smiled a little. He just smiled, then said he was, but the look he gave me made it seem like he wasn't. We're planning on moving in together this summer, as long as we can cover the expenses of the apartment we want.

 

So am I just seeing something there because I may want to, or is he really hinting at something? Because I figured, at our age, he may not be ready for that type of commitment. He also mentioned one time that he wanted to wait until after college to get married. But that was also after I asked him if he was joking. One of my friends thinks that my reaction made him think I didn't want to, and therefore he's just covering his intentions up so that he isn't embarrassed. oO But I figured I'd ask all of you here, because I don't know whether my friends opinion is very credible. xD

 

I'm not getting my hopes up, but should I be on the look out for more warning signs?

[blind_otter]

Baby, you do not want to get married at 17. Period.

[catgirl1927]

At your age, I'm not sure you are ready.

[ventinginblue]

We've already talked about the actual "I do" part, and we both agreed we don't want to do that until after college (which will be in about 8 years, because I'm going into the health care profession). But we've also agreed that year-long proposals are a good step for relationships when you plan to get serious, but still want to wait a while to be sure. Which is the only reason I think he may be planning it.

[catgirl1927]

What's a "year-long proposal"?

[blind_otter]

I don't really see the point in speculating.

 

Did you mean, "engagement" -- and would it be like, a decade long engagement?

 

I'm just saying.

[tikigods]

I say just enjoy the relationship for what it is, why do people feel the need to get "OMG ENGAGED!!!!" and then have it be like a 5 year long engagment, thats nothing more then just a shiney ring on your finger if you are waiting that long.

 

If you guys love eachother and plan on one day getting married, then you can hold off until the time is closer to when you actually want to tie the knot. People aren't going to take your loooong engagment seriously

[ventinginblue]

What's a "year-long proposal"?

 

Basically like blind_otter said; a really long engagement. But without the actual ring. A friend of mine I knew from school did the same thing, but said it was a little less than an engagement. They just agreed to get married when they finished college. Which I think will be in a little over a year now. Her bf never proposed.. it was just sort of an agreement? oO It's still technically an engagement, but yeah, it's basically saying you want to get married when you have the money.

[ventinginblue]

Yeah, the thing about all this that I was wondering about is if he actually wants to wait, or if he's just saying that because I thought his question was a joke.

[catgirl1927]

Ah, I see.

 

I think you are WAY WAY WAY WAY too young to attach yourself to someone for the rest of your life. I would advise putting this out of your mind and trying to enjoy this time in your life. It goes by really fast, trust me. Society tells us that as women we must focus our lives on getting married and we're not complete unless we do. Look, everything happens in time and for a reason. There are so many things out there for you to experience, I hate to see you cut yourself off by throwing everything away and getting attached so young.

 

I advise doing your unofficial engagement deal and don't fret over a ring. I would wait and see what happens in college. You guys are going to change and grow a lot in the next 10 years...