mike1514 Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 i have a question for everyone here i could use your input,, we are bolth in our late 20's,, we have been good friends since middle school or so, and remained that way thru other relationships,, i have been single for a year and half,, she was suppost to get married a little under a year ago, thats over ,, best thing that could have ever happened for her....now during this past 10+ years we have been friend i manage to talk to her average of 2-3 times a week past year- every day... she does most of the calling -most of the time i call is when i call back.. {we have made out a handfull of times over the past couple of years when we were bolth single} her pretty much initiating--i always seemed to stop it before we would sleep togethor,at the time i didnt want to start doing that and have her get back with her ex or ruin our friendship if it wasnt going anywhere... her mother once told me recently i need to tell her how i feel,, because they talk about things and she says i dont tell her how i feel about her.... she invited me to a wedding and has asked me to do other things just me and her.. refers to sports as our team -- when she gets a couple of drinks in her then she seems to let down her guard and come on to me ,,she told a close friend she has feelings for me and there has always been something there between us-- LOTS of things have been said towards me to think she wants something to come of it-- her getting jelious of certain things,, i guess there are alot of things pointing to what it would seem she would want something to happen BUT here is my thing ,, i obviously know i have to talk to her to get the real awnser--- but since we are such good friends is she just being comfortable around me and using me for attention,, i just need to amke the move and hook up ,, i know she wont stop me ,, but i beleive she is messing around w/ others,, and im not into sleeping with multiple people-- even if you are [sINGLE] esp with a BEST FRIEND i do know there needs to eb a talk involved and i beleive there are other guys in the picture that do ask her to do things i just kind of lay low and dont always show my feelings and she knows that , she can tend to look for attention Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 Hey dude This sounds complex. My initial though upon reading your post was "go for it". Basically you have the choice of letting her carry on being your friend and maybe... maybe not... sleeping with other guys. I don't know the specifics about this near-marriage you mention but it sounds like she wants a serious long term relationship with marriage being the ultimate goal. The getting jealous thing also sounds familiar. I'd say she likes you but is waiting for you too get the balls to do something about it. No offence intended! I myself tend to be too wary or afraid of rejection or messing up a friendship so I really respect yuour position. I think that harsh reality is she needs you to take the relationship up to the next level. I think there ios the problem that possibly she may just feel comfortable around you. I don't know but if you dropped hints to her mother that might work depending on how close you all are. The thing is - if she found out through her mother that you had feelings for her then she has the freedom to react in two ways. 1) She has feelings for you and now she knows you feel the same way she may well take the lead 2) She doesn't feel the same way but at least it shouldn't make things awkward and she would hopefully care about you enough to either talk about it or at least stop sending you the wrong signs. I'm a Christian so I'm not into any sex before marriage but at the same time I wiouldn't impose my views on others. One thing I'm sure is that it would hurt me if the girl I liked was sleeping around with other guys. Fair play to you for having some resolve on this matter. BUT the last thing you want to do is lay low - take some steps to make her aware of how you feel. If you are really close don't you talk about relationships? I think it'd be good for you to be clear (even as friends) what your views are on sex, dating etc. One thing in your favour is that you are best friends. A lot of people I know get married to their close friends because they know, trust and respect them. If she feels anything for you then your friendship should survive this situation and well you don't want to be sat in the same situation in another 10 years so like I said "go for it" and best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike1514 Posted April 16, 2006 Author Share Posted April 16, 2006 listen i totally agree if i told people some of the stuff that has been said by her or other's.. friends family-- they would probably tell me im crazy if i didnt go for it,, or even second guess myself.... it is tough, its easy to understand we have been very good friends for a long time and we should be able to talk about anything.. she throws me alot more signals than i throw to her,, and i feel it is def time to step up to the plate, 1 way or another somthing needs to happen,, even though we are bolth single i myself -- since she has broken up with her fiance have been there for her 24/7 to make sure she is ok ,, not to weasel my way into getting with her.....and because of that i havent been dating or hanging out with anyone else,, and ive come to the end of my rope with spending most of my free time if nothing is going to come.. although my 1 biggest problem is i tend to second guess her judgement or values in as far as her making a clear thaught about decision... it's alsmot like she goes thru phases and i can totally tell she has feelings then 1 day it all chenges then comes back,, and honestly if i felt she was all about me i would be full steam ahead,, but i know there are other guy " friends in the picture ,, who obviously dont just want to be her friend... guess its now or never something has to be said Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 I really hope this goes well for you. I know your taking a risk and I respect that - it is brave of you... but if you know this girl half as well as it sounds then I can't see you losing her as a friend and you have the opportunity to be far more. Certainly you need to explain how you feel. I did the similar a year or so ago and while in that situation it didn't work out we are still close friends and all the confusion, wrong signals stopped so I can now get on with my life without thinking that damn question "what if". Oh yeah I just reread your post and noticed the jealous thing... that must be a good thing. Over time when a girl gets through her share of jerks they start to appreciate the good guys who are always there for them. We have to believe that LOL or we'd be single for ever! Also over time they can basically re-evaluate a guy and suddenly it clicks that they love you. Women are impossible to explain - you need to address the whole issue of relationship and comitment. I hope it goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
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