on the verge of suicide

[screwedup]

k heres the story , im this young guy who likes another guy and we are in the same grade. the thing is , i revealed my feelings to him in an email and it turned out that he was okay with me liking him as long as i realize that it wouldnt happen. but the thing is , he acts like he likes me , at school hes always being nice to me and talking to me and even staring at me in class. alot of people say that hes gay but i found out from someone else that hes is bi....just like me. But the whole love thing got messed up when i kept on telling him that i loved him , and he said that he got really uncomfortable and that he only likes me as a friend. The thing is though , i wanna be friends with him , but i would much prefer a love relationship. I became so despereate that i would cry over the smallest things , like when he didnt say hi to me in the morning , or everyday after school when i overheard him making plans with his friends which made me feel left out and unimportant. During weekends i would constantly worry about what he was doing or who he was doing , and i would always email him and ask him to hang out but he would always say maybe . When i would ask him for a ride he would always say maybe but then refuse later , yet he gives other random people rides. Since senior year is almost finished im afraid it will further put a strain on our friendship...wait...what am i saying? ....sometimes i dont even feel a friendship between us but wen i ask him he always says we are friends.

 

I hate how he zones out when i start talking about loving him and i realize that it makes him uncomfortable but it hurts my feelings when he does that. how are we ever gonna find a resolution if he doesnt listen? especially when i tell him how i feel?

 

i hear hes bi , so i dunno if he is putting me on hold because he is questioning his sexuality or if he is bi but he doesnt like me at all , cause i used to think that ppl who are bi go after every guy they see.

 

and now im really hurting....i cant stop crying or hurting myself or get it out of my mind. I know there are other fish in the sea , but i dont want them , im just hoping that after senior year is over he might reconsider and then start a relationship.

[CaliGuy]

Please do get yourself to see a Counselor. You need to talk to someone who can help you face to face.

[burning 4 revenge]

He just might be worried about what the other kids think. Things have changed a lot since I was in high school (92), homosexuality among men has become more accepted, but there is probably still some stigma about being gay.He might just be scared. If he is staring at you, he might be fantasizing, who knows? I woudn't push the issue with him though. This is a very sensitive issue.

 

And you are much too young to consider suicide! You don't know the great thing you have with your youth and all the incredible possiblities. Your best times are right around the corner. s***. 17. Even without him in your life you have endless possibilities at this point. Relax a little. Smoke something soothing. You don't know what I'd give to be 17 again.

[screwedup]

thank both for your advice....you dont know how grateful i am to know that two people out there care enough to answer my post....thatnk you so much.....but i just wish that the people who have read this blog would leave some advice because now i need it now more than ever

[Outcast]

You cannot rest all your hopes for your life on another person. Nobody is good enough to be worth you sacrificing yourself for. NOBODY. Stop telling him you care. Give him time to sort himself out, and if he decides that you're not for him, move on. If you were meant to be together, you will be. Otherwise what you'll attempt to do is force a relationship that would make you miserable anyway. Allow the fates to do their work and refuse to ever, EVER, hurt or kill yourself because life has not gone the way you want. You are not wise enough to understand what is good for you - trust that the Universe is.

[tikigods]

we are just a bunch of faceless people, the type of help and advice you need if you are on the verge of suicide is more professional then what we can give you.

 

It sounds like though that when it came to him you pushed very hard your feelings on him and it made him uncomfortable, I would suggest that in that fasion you should step back and just try to be friends with him and see what happens, being to clingy or to needy is a turn off

[dr strangelove]

I cant help but think you sound alot like and are acting like my ex. She used to say things like "I know you miss me" and other things that begged for reassurance.

 

It hurts reading your post, I feel like im viewing into her psyche.

 

One of the problems here is that you are young. You are just experiencing love and it hurts when it is not returned. This is probably the first time you have been in love and thats why it hurts even more.

 

And now I am going to say some things that will hurt.

 

I have no idea how he really feels about you, but at the same time he doesnt wish to hang out, so that could be taken as a sign. You cant make him love you, and usually the best course of action when a situation is going like this is just to move on.

 

You cant try and figure him out, it sounds like you are becoming a bit obsessed with him and that can be somewhat scary and could lead to worse situations. Do you understand me?

 

It soudns like you are really lonely and I have to admit I am there myself right now, and I know how much it can hurt. I spent most of my childhood alone hoping for a friend. Not to say I didnt have any.. but a real good friend that liked to do what I like to do.... liked what I liked..

 

People who are bi, do not go after everyone they see. I dont know where you got that idea.

 

Your better off trying to join a free dating site, or depending on your age you could go to a club where gay men or bi's hang out. I would thing the web might be a good place to start maybe it would help to be around like minded people.

 

You are not the only one to feel the way you do trust me.

All I can say is when find that perfect someone do your best to protect what you have.

 

Did that help any? replying to your pos has kind of made me a bit sad, its brought back some not so great memories of school.

 

Wasnt all bad though, I did get to shove a pie in the football coaches face.

[axisdenied]

I think the advice of everyone before me is pretty sound, so I won't repeat. Here's what I can offer you:

 

Believe only half of what you read and nothing that you hear. You may have heard that already because it's a pretty ubiquitous quote. At least three times in your post, you mention that you've "heard" this man is gay/bi. It sounds to me like you are fixated on this rumor. I myself am gay and remember that during high-school finding a relationship felt hopeless. The prospects are limited statistically. So if we hear somebody is like us and desire very much to experiment, that will look like the best bet. Please be aware that this may be what is going on with you right now. Obsessions come from being infatuated with ideas, not people. I'm very sorry that this situation backfired on you, but I doubt that anybody on here or anywhere can offer you advice on how to win him over after everything that has transpired.

 

I've found in my adult life that statistical limitations aren't as big of a problem as they were in high-school. After this year, you may be going to college, travelling to other places, or both. Certainly you will have new experiences that will introduce you to many wonderful people, some of whom will also be like you. For the time being find something to do that will take your mind off of whatshisface and perhaps relationships altogether because nobody really *needs* one, they're just nice to have when they make us feel good. You'll soon see that there ARE plenty of fish in the sea, gay fish, who will find your new hobby, whatever you're doing to take your mind off of him now, very fascinating. Best of luck and go to college.

[dr strangelove]

That was well written and sound advice AXIS, you have added an insight the rest of us would have struggled to come up with.