What's the deal with "If she's interested, she'll contact you?!"

[RecordProducer]

What happened to "If HE is interested, HE will contact you?"

 

I consider myself a real, traditional, and feminine woman that wants the man to be a man and not a pussy. I don't know which type of woman you're aiming at, guys, and how successful your strategies are, but isn't it a turn-off when a woman accepts - what's believed (by many of us) to be - the man's role?

 

I've tried to make the first steps and it never worked well. Because when I felt the urge to take things in MY hands, it always meant that they were distancing themselves for some reason and if I didn't take the initiative, they would've walked away. And that would've been the best thing. As a result I wasted years in bad relationships where I accepted cold and arrogant behavior as normal.

 

With my husband everything was different - he did all the chasing. All except the proposal. I rushed the marriage thing and as a result he got cold feet twice! Only when I turned my back, wrote him off, and didn't pick up the phone all night - and OMG it rang all night! - (when he had the opportunity to chase me again), did he take the first plane and married me.

 

I don't get this minimalistic approach as if all you care about is to not break your fragile self-confidence, because once it's broken, you lose your macho image. Is it so difficult to do the chasing and remain in one piece?

 

I think you're setting up yourself for some women who like to be in charge, like to feel the power of getting what they want, and don't mind making all decisions independently - whether you like them or not!

 

And, oh no, don't imagine these strong-charactered women as tall and sexy professional ladies - they don't have time to be intrigued by your games or the patience to wait for you to make up your minds. The worst losers can seem like lambs on the outside, but be dictators on the inside.

 

Or: the other type of woman who would accept to chase you is the woman who doesn't have spine, pride or self-esteem. I was like that and I was ending up with the wrong guys. I was as wrong for them as they were wrong for me.

 

Resume: decide on which type of woman you target and then adjust your strategies accordingly. And make sure you show your true colors, because you will only choose among the women who are attracted by you - so make sure you attract the same type of women that attracts you.

[kypepeo]

Well said!! There's one time I decided to do the cahsing and it killed everything. The dude didn't quite know how to handle me after that and I didn't want to be playing his role anyway. It was such a struggle being with him so I eventually let go. Reversing roles is now a big no-no for me. I guess theway things are is the way they are supposed to work out no matter what the women's-lib movement says.

[brightskies]

What happened to, "If HE is interested, HE will contact you?"

 

I've tried to make the first steps and it never worked well. Because when I felt the urge to take things in MY hands, it always meant that they were distancing themselves for some reason and if I didn't take the initiative, they would've walked away. And that would've been the best thing. As a result I wasted years in bad relationships where I accepted cold and arrogant behavior as normal.

 

Hate to say it, but that sounds familiar to me. I've also found that things turned out so much better when I let the guy come after me. It seems that the guy is more considerate and loving when he has "earned" you. And even after the courtship period, it continues as a bit of a dance, back and forth, with him doing most of the chasing. Can't let him take you for granted, right?

 

P.S. Great picture of you, RP. And you're the mom of 2 boys? Wow. Hope I look like that even after I pop one out someday.

[RecordProducer]

I think the main point is to recognize that each gender has their own role. Animals have them well defined, but people vary depending on how much the guy is interested in the woman.

 

Men themselves admit that they want to earn the ladies' attention; hence the pejorative term "easy girl." But men ARE supposed to be easy - it's a turn-off when they are complicated and hard to get. It's anti-natural cuz for thousands of years we lived a certain concept and now people are trying to change it, because the society changed. Society and nature are two different categories.

 

Brightskies, thanks. Actually looks have nothing to do with how many children you have. You only need to want to look as you always have and take care of yourself.

[aleatoryd]

Hi

 

I think I may be one of those pussy guys! Aww shucks (and I'm British so I don't even talk like that LOL! Go figure must be all the American TV/Films we get over here). I think that a reason us guys feel so wary is that we have become very soft. We are too scared of rejection - I certainly am! Maybe it's a self fulfilling prophecy - we act scared and the girl decides we are a pussy and isn't interested - fear of rejection leads to rejection.

 

The thing is because of this we don't take the hunter/gatherer role of the man and as a consequence women have to take on the dominant role. Before anyone accuses me of being anti-femenist I'm not saying a woman should let a man walk all over her but there are clearly defined things that use to expected of a man and well my generation must seem pretty lame!

 

Anyway here's my problem. I'm trying to chase after a girl who I like and she is aware of this and so far has responded positively (we met on an online dating website for losers like me LOL). I was out of character and slightly cocky, funny and potentially arrogant which isn't how I act to women in real life. Now I've e-mailed her about my background etc but I don't know where the boundary between chasing and too much too soon/too much information and all that.

 

I'm wary that if I'm overly aggresive she'll think "scary guy I'm out of here" but if I don't chase she'll either lose interest or think I've lost interest. How much should a guy chase the girl. Please understand the male perspective - we do all the chasing and being the fragile emotional guys we really are (oh yes we are) we look for reassurances that the woman likes us back... basically on one hand I would be paranoid if the girl didn't seem as serious or interested as I am but on the other hand I realise that the guy should do the chasing. The two ideas don't "seem" mutually compatible so what would people suggest?

[RecordProducer]

Hi, Aleatoryd! First of all, you don't belong in the same basket with the guys I referred to as you don't play hard to get on purpose; you just need some more courage. You don't pretend you're a superman while trembling inside. You admit you fear the rejection. You don't see women as enemies you have to conquer.

 

The more you chase the better. You know like we think 'the bigger eyes the better' or 'the smaller nose the better', which doesn't mean you should have Michael Jackson's nose and E.T.'s eyes. You know what I mean. Don't make a clown out of yourself, but do call the girl every few days, tell her a compliment every time you speak to her, let her know you like her in a subtle, simple, and decent, yet non-ambiguous way. Look for the signs. Be the first one to call or suggest something. Don't "forget about her" if she couldn't make it this Saturday.

 

But most of all, accept rejection as a favor! Imagine if every women you approach wanted you. You would be wasting years trying them all out and would actually miss the chance to meet your soul mate. The rejection concept is a part of the natural selection process; it helps you filter out the women who are not for you. Sometimes they like you, but you don't like them and sometimes you like them and they don't like you. You don't need them all, you only need one woman at a time. The right one.

 

I would love to be a good tennis player, but I don't have one bit of a talent for it. So I am not for tennis and tennis is not for me either. But I am good at other things. Same with choosing partners. Good luck to you!

[CaliGuy]

I consider myself a real, traditional, and feminine woman that wants the man to be a man and not a pussy.

 

Depends on what you define as being a wuss, RP. A confident, mature man has a purpose in life, goals, boundaries and a life. He does not overpursue.

 

I don't know which type of woman you're aiming at, guys, and how successful your strategies are, but isn't it a turn-off when a woman accepts - what's believed (by many of us) to be - the man's role?

 

Relationships are 100/100. When one person stops putting in their 100% it stops becoming a relationship and becomes a chase. No one likes to be chased.

 

I've tried to make the first steps and it never worked well. Because when I felt the urge to take things in MY hands, it always meant that they were distancing themselves for some reason and if I didn't take the initiative, they would've walked away. And that would've been the best thing. As a result I wasted years in bad relationships where I accepted cold and arrogant behavior as normal.

 

If they are doing nothing to nurture the relationship then do walk away.

 

With my husband everything was different - he did all the chasing. All except the proposal. I rushed the marriage thing and as a result he got cold feet twice!

 

Again, nobody likes to be over-pursued

 

Only when I turned my back, wrote him off, and didn't pick up the phone all night - and OMG it rang all night! - (when he had the opportunity to chase me again), did he take the first plane and married me.

 

Love is a strange thing, isn't it?

 

I don't get this minimalistic approach as if all you care about is to not break your fragile self-confidence, because once it's broken, you lose your macho image. Is it so difficult to do the chasing and remain in one piece?

 

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by chasing. If I show interest and she does not, it's not being a wuss if I walk away.

 

That's just self-respect and common sense.

 

I think you're setting up yourself for some women who like to be in charge, like to feel the power of getting what they want, and don't mind making all decisions independently - whether you like them or not!

 

That would be the case if they were jerks. A balanced man understands when the pursue and when to back off. A doormat will overpursue, a jerk will be passive.

 

And, oh no, don't imagine these strong-charactered women as tall and sexy professional ladies - they don't have time to be intrigued by your games or the patience to wait for you to make up your minds. The worst losers can seem like lambs on the outside, but be dictators on the inside.

 

Yes, that would be a classic "nice guy/doormat."

 

Or: the other type of woman who would accept to chase you is the woman who doesn't have spine, pride or self-esteem. I was like that and I was ending up with the wrong guys. I was as wrong for them as they were wrong for me.

 

I would say the same can be said about a man who over-purses.

 

Resume: decide on which type of woman you target and then adjust your strategies accordingly. And make sure you show your true colors, because you will only choose among the women who are attracted by you - so make sure you attract the same type of women that attracts you.

 

A strong, confident, secure man will attract the same qualities in a woman. Period.

[CaliGuy]

Hi, Aleatoryd! First of all, you don't belong in the same basket with the guys I referred to as you don't play hard to get on purpose; you just need some more courage. You don't pretend you're a superman while trembling inside. You admit you fear the rejection. You don't see women as enemies you have to conquer.

 

He just needs to build his self-confidence.

 

The more you chase the better.

 

Please don't do this. A confident man will not chase someone who is obviously not interested!

 

You know like we think 'the bigger eyes the better' or 'the smaller nose the better', which doesn't mean you should have Michael Jackson's nose and E.T.'s eyes. You know what I mean. Don't make a clown out of yourself, but do call the girl every few days, tell her a compliment every time you speak to her, let her know you like her in a subtle, simple, and decent, yet non-ambiguous way. Look for the signs. Be the first one to call or suggest something. Don't "forget about her" if she couldn't make it this Saturday.

 

This is not chasing. This is balance. This is showing interest on a confident level.

 

But most of all, accept rejection as a favor! Imagine if every women you approach wanted you. You would be wasting years trying them all out and would actually miss the chance to meet your soul mate.

 

If he took your advice in the second paragraph literally he wouldn't understand when he should stop pursuing and move on to the next woman.

 

The rejection concept is a part of the natural selection process; it helps you filter out the women who are not for you. Sometimes they like you, but you don't like them and sometimes you like them and they don't like you. You don't need them all, you only need one woman at a time. The right one.

 

A confident man with boundaries and who lives a balanced life understands this.

 

I would love to be a good tennis player, but I don't have one bit of a talent for it. So I am not for tennis and tennis is not for me either. But I am good at other things. Same with choosing partners. Good luck to you!

 

You can get good at tennis if you practice. It's the same with dating. If you are afraid to approach a woman you'll never get good at doing it.

 

If you don't study and put practice into being a confident, secure man, you will never have it.

 

A lot of things in life do not come naturally but must be worked for. The problem with a lot of men on this earth is they haven't had a good mentor in their life, someone to show them the way towards being a strong, confident, secure man.

[CaliGuy]

I think the main point is to recognize that each gender has their own role. Animals have them well defined, but people vary depending on how much the guy is interested in the woman.

 

The same can be said of women. If the woman is showing little interest, should he just keep beating his head up against the wall? No! He needs to know when to hold them and when to fold them. (all due respect to Kenny Rogers)

 

Men themselves admit that they want to earn the ladies' attention; hence the pejorative term "easy girl." But men ARE supposed to be easy - it's a turn-off when they are complicated and hard to get. It's anti-natural cuz for thousands of years we lived a certain concept and now people are trying to change it, because the society changed. Society and nature are two different categories.

 

I disagree. Human psychology and years of research tells us that we perceive anything that's 'easy' to obtain is of no real value. Do you value the car your parents give you more than the car you had to work to buy? Not hardly. This is spoken from a man who's experienced this personally on both sides. I don't want a woman that is easy to get and I have found that when I am easy to get for women, they don't want me. It's only when I became confident, balanced and secure with myself did women start showing a heightened interest in me.

 

Before, when I acted the way you described, I found it excrutiatingly hard to date because I would do all the pursuing and didn't present an image to women that showed them I had value.

 

But when I started presented a balanced, self-confident, self-respecting image I have not lacked for dates one bit. I now have a choice of who I want to date which I never had before.

[Curmudgeon]

Hear! Hear! Society seems to constantly want to redefine gender roles, mix them, blend them, confuse them, etc.

 

I much prefer the old-fashioned way of doing things and that's me doing the chasing and wooing.

 

When I was getting divorced there were a number of single women at work around my age (50) who were quite obvious about wanting to "get to know me better." I found it very off-putting because they all came across as needy. Besides, I certainly wasn't going to get involved with someone in the same agency. Ultimately, I asked out a former coworker I still saw professionally and who had NOT tried to chase me. We've now been married going on 10 years.

 

I guess the old-fashioned way worked for both of us.

[alphamale]

With my husband everything was different - he did all the chasing. All except the proposal.

you LET him "chase" you RP....women make the final decision on which man they will be with. Had your husband been ugly, fat, poor and not been a U.S. citizen then there is no way in hell you would have let him "chase" you from half way around the world.

[aleatoryd]

Thanks R P and CaliGuy. Your input was very much appreciated. I think it's still pretty much early days with this whole relationship thing. At the moment we are getting to know each other. I'm just wary of that whole F=MA business where I could see myself getting too serious and maybe pushing her away or the opposite and not doing enough.

 

I especially agree with CaliGuy's comment "The problem with a lot of men on this earth is they haven't had a good mentor in their life." I know from my own experience that most of my peers are very similar to me. I guess that's why I came onto this website - being stuck with similar minded people wasn't going to grow me!

 

R P I agree that really I only want one girl - the right one and for me to be the same for her. Maybe this is idealist though? I don't know I would like to find the "proverbial soulmate". Certainly I see no advantage in giving myself away in emotional pieces to different women! So I guess I'll just have to improve my confidence and learn from experience.

 

You comment "I would love to be a good tennis player, but I don't have one bit of a talent for it." Well (tongue in cheek) they say you can only get better by playing a better opponent. I'm sure I'll learn. Thanks for the advice!

[CaliGuy]

you LET him "chase" you RP....women make the final decision on which man they will be with. Had your husband been ugly, fat, poor and not been a U.S. citizen then there is no way in hell you would have let him "chase" you from half way around the world.

 

Pretty much nailed it.

 

And as I said before, not many guys can afford to fly around the world to "chase" women, that's for sure.

 

Confident men don't chase or over-pursue. They show their interest and if she makes him chase her too much, he'll smartly move to the woman who isn't interested in game playing.

 

No good comes from a "chase." It's a dance and when one partner stops dancing, it then becomes a chase.

 

Not a good position to be in.

[littlepiggy1]

Confident men don't chase or over-pursue. They show their interest and if she makes him chase her too much, he'll smartly move to the woman who isn't interested in game playing.

 

Agreed. I've always wondered about men who persue too much. Is it because they are really interested or are they just needy? After all, there are lots of women out there, so why get hung up over one person?

 

As for me, I have no problem taking the initiative, but there are limits. If I have to call more than twice to get a reponse, I assume she's not interested.

 

The other thing that can be frustrating are women that are afraid to tell a guy they aren't interested. I knew this one woman that had this guy persuing her. She wasn't intrested, so what does she do? She keeps putting him off by telling him she was too busy to go out (which was partially true), but then out of guilt or something she invites him over to dinner! Talk about your mixed signals...

[Sand&Water]

Confident men don't chase or over-pursue. They show their interest and if she makes him chase her too much, he'll smartly move to the woman who isn't interested in game playing.

 

The confident men, you are talking about Caliguy, are indeed the ones that don't chase or over-pursue. Not all men abide by this characteristic, but most of them try to achieve it.

 

However, it does remind me of the "Lighthouse Analogy" (An analogy I've created).

 

A lighthouse is like a confident man that stands solid by the coastline.

 

Tall, dominant, graceful and aware of his surroundings.

 

Rooted in beliefs, heritage, and standards, with a clear vision of the horizon.

 

Ships/boats that come along looking for guidance, or peacefully passing by - he's there on the look out, showing them the way.

 

He's got his flashing bulb on all night, circling around looking for his reflective nature.

 

He has planted himself on the shoreline, with a staircase to his light bulb.

 

He doesn't move forward, but allows for ships to locate him.

 

He signals to notify ships that his light bulb will be shining for nights to come.

 

He knows that ships depend on him. He only hopes he's done his part.

 

I'd like to witness more confident men. Thank you for reading.

[Outcast]

Oh feh. 'Old-fashioned' = 'antique' and 'obsolete' IMHO. Read LS. There are some perfectly good men who have been burned and who have sort of decided to fold up and quit because of it. Without a little encouragement, they'd continue shunning any opportunities that came their way.

 

Nobody needs to 'chase' anybody; it's just a matter of letting someone know that you're interested in them. There have been a number of LS threads where guys have said they really enjoy when women approach them. IMHO the men who think they 'need' to do all the chasing have trouble with their own masculinity and feel threatened when women don't stay in their assigned roles are the real pussies - ones who can't hack a different sort of world in which people both take responsibility for relationships.

 

Interestingly, women who like to be 'chased' seem to have few qualms about being quite abusive/insulting to the men 'chasing' them. I've often thought they have much less respect for men than women who don't want men to act like pets for them, for truly, it's the man who's made to jump through hoops to win that kind of woman. I don't know why a self-respecting man would accept that sort of treatment.

[CaliGuy]

Agreed. I've always wondered about men who persue too much. Is it because they are really interested or are they just needy? After all, there are lots of women out there, so why get hung up over one person?

 

Needy men "chase" or over-pursue. Confident, secure, balanced men understand when they show interest and it isn't returned to a satisfactory degree, they move on without taking it personal.

 

As for me, I have no problem taking the initiative, but there are limits. If I have to call more than twice to get a reponse, I assume she's not interested.

 

That's pretty much it.

 

The other thing that can be frustrating are women that are afraid to tell a guy they aren't interested. I knew this one woman that had this guy persuing her. She wasn't intrested, so what does she do? She keeps putting him off by telling him she was too busy to go out (which was partially true), but then out of guilt or something she invites him over to dinner! Talk about your mixed signals...

 

Well if he was smart enough, he would have taken the simple fact she was blowing him off as the signal to move on.

 

Some women just don't want to me mean.

[CaliGuy]

The confident men, you are talking about Caliguy, are indeed the ones that don't chase or over-pursue. Not all men abide by this characteristic, but most of them try to achieve it.

 

However, it does remind me of the "Lighthouse Analogy" (An analogy I've created).

 

A lighthouse is like a confident man that stands solid by the coastline.

 

Tall, dominant, graceful and aware of his surroundings.

 

Rooted in beliefs, heritage, and standards, with a clear vision of the horizon.

 

Ships/boats that come along looking for guidance, or peacefully passing by - he's there on the look out, showing them the way.

 

He's got his flashing bulb on all night, circling around looking for his reflective nature.

 

He has planted himself on the shoreline, with a staircase to his light bulb.

 

He doesn't move forward, but allows for ships to locate him.

 

He signals to notify ships that his light bulb will be shining for nights to come.

 

He knows that ships depend on him. He only hopes he's done his part.

 

I'd like to witness more confident men. Thank you for reading.

 

I like it. There's also this one:

 

"Be the star, not the planet."

[Sand&Water]

I like it. There's also this one:

 

"Be the star, not the planet."

 

Thank you.

 

That's a good one. Just make sure that you're still burning bright, into your 80s.

[CaliGuy]

I especially agree with CaliGuy's comment "The problem with a lot of men on this earth is they haven't had a good mentor in their life." I know from my own experience that most of my peers are very similar to me. I guess that's why I came onto this website - being stuck with similar minded people wasn't going to grow me!

 

BTW, I have a mentor now. Well two of the them actually that I learn and grow from. Both are successful and quintessential "masculine" men. I bounce ideas and problems off of them and remarkably both of them come up with nearly identical answers.

 

I try as much as I can from them (but not clone myself after them) in how they handle situations like men. Never losing their cool, always in control, always respond (not react) and are very smart and rational.

 

I highly recommend all men find a mentor to learn how to be a real man from. It's easy to do. Just find a guy you admire who displays the qualities of a confident, masculine, successful man.

 

You'll be amazed what you learn and how it influences you in a positive way.

[MadDog]

I highly recommend all men find a mentor to learn how to be a real man from. It's easy to do. Just find a guy you admire who displays the qualities of a confident, masculine, successful man.

 

You'll be amazed what you learn and how it influences you in a positive way.

 

Like maybe Tony Montana from "Scarface?"

[RecordProducer]

I think the only one who clearly understood what I'm talking about is Curmudgeon.

 

Caliguy, I absolutely agree with everything you said, but you discussed the reciprocity of love and exchange of affection, which has nothing to do with what I call "chasing." Perhaps I should define my viewpoint better so I will. I understand by chasing that the guy calls and the girl shows interest. The guy doesn't count how many times he has called. He does all the first steps. And sometimes doesn't take "no" as an answer if he knows already that the lady is interested.

 

Back to the night when my husband called me all night after he got cold feet... he finally got me on the phone by begging my mom to wake me up (I wasn't sleeping, of course ) and told me right away: "Tell me that you don't want to hear from me and I promise to NEVER EVER call you again." (He ALWAYS keeps his promises!!!) I was falling apart inside, but I knew what I had to do so I said: "I never want to hear from you again." He said: "OK, good-bye then" and we hung up.

 

The phone rang one minute later and the rest is history.

 

When I say he chased me, I mean he did all the calls, visits, and suggestions. After his first phone call, I hadn't heard from him in a few days so I took his profile off my hot list. He emailed me to ask me why and if he should assume that I no longer want to communicate with him. He called me on the phone and we started from there.

 

He said "I love you" first. Of course I showed him how much I was interested - that was never an issue with us. I never played the hot-cold game (I played other games at times though!). I was always online for him, I even showed jealousy and clinginess.

 

He acted like a real man and LET ME act like a real woman, because he's the dominant type of male. When I played games, whether on purpose or unintentionally, they worked! He bit all the baits I threw to him.

But everything I did, I did out of love and eventually it brought us together.

 

In marriage he's the head of the family, the boss. But it's funny to see him act like that cuz he does it so naturally and instinctively; it's not a family mentality or culture injection. He has this urge to lead and organize (which he also does at work). I love it when he tells me "Leave it to me, honey, I'll handle it, you don't worry about it!" I am like "Whew! Finally a male to lead me through life! " (by the way, he's very loving, caring, respectful and smart so don't try to imagine some low-class, quasi-macho beer drinker that burbs and farts while watching football!)

 

So I hope now you understand what I mean by chasing and which type of men can afford to chase women without being their puppies, but rather the alpha males. By chasing I actually mean courting, approaching, moving things forward...

 

CaliGuy, this thread was not about you as I don't see this problem with you. I was inspired by one of my favorite members whose opinions I value a lot - our Alphamale. His attitudes, all except this one, are totally manly.. well that's just from my perspective as a woman.

 

you LET him "chase" you RP....women make the final decision on which man they will be with. Had your husband been ugly, fat, poor and not been a U.S. citizen then there is no way in hell you would have let him "chase" you from half way around the world

So you admit that my story is successful because he chased me! The truth is: I didn't have to LET HIM chase me, he did it himself. HE was the one who asked me to visit me, I didn't invite him. HE was calling me every time I was away for a whole day. HE told me he missed me when I told him I didn't want to be in a non-exclusive relationship as I've never heard of that thing before in my life and broke up with him... I was just the one who rewarded him with love for all the effort.

 

I wanted a prince, I didn't want to settle for a jerk who would pull my leg on and on. I didn't have time for that anymore...

 

Thanks for expressing your opinions, everyone!

[aleatoryd]

Thanks CaliGuy for the mentor advice. As a Christian I have a church mentor but relationships/girls tend to be a taboo in our circle. I often feel the Church seems to ignore the single issue - it's all how to be good husbands and wives stuff! Important issues but no one wants to stick their neck out and explain how we get from singleness to relationship!

 

The woman I like is also a Christian (it was a Christian dating website) which may make it easier as I can assume that she was honest in being single and seeking a proper relationship and her interest in travel and moral values etc are similar to mine. She works for a Christian community project helping befriend asylum seekers so she seems like a nice caring person. At the same time I'm competing with lots of other desperate single lonely Christians like me LOL!

 

I agree with what has been said there is a danger that out of guilt or just because she is nice she may not want to be harsh and tell me she isn't interested but at the same time I'm honest with her and I'm sure ahe will be back to me. It's always interesting because Christians are slightly different to everyone else when it comes to ourt expectations from romance but in many way we realise we are human and feel the same way as everyone else.

 

We all can feel hurt, confused, we live and learn. I'm glad to have found a website where people can offer constructive advice. The different views on the definition of chasing were vey helpful because as I've admitted I'm new to this. The woman I like believes in egalitarianism (equality for people between people) and some feminist ideas (womens rights especially dignity and basic human necessities). I would like to believe that we could one day happily complement each other. This means I will try my best to treat her fairly and not play games or show ambiguity.

 

One thing that is certain - should things work out I would have no problem letting her read what I have written on this forum. I believe in giving and not just taking so I am trying to be a contributing member to this website. People have time for me and I have time for them. Thanks everyone.

[aleatoryd]

Also R P it was really inspiring to read about you success story - makes me feel happy that things have worked out for people on this site and it amazing and really nice that a lot of people who have been successful still remain on this forum helping others out. Very kind of you all!

[blue16]

Chasing girls isn't so bad, but sometimes it's hard to tell whether the girl wants to be chased or whether she is uninterested. When there are other girls out there who show interest and make life easier on the guys, why not just go out with someone who is demonstrating enthusiasm? I like a good challenge as much as anyone, but a lot of time a 'big challenge' (ie chasing the girl) turns out to be a girl who was never interested in the first place, and a lot of time is wasted.

 

I like the topic title btw, it kinda reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld type lines "So what's the deal with airplane peanuts?" etc.