OW wants MM to get caught cheating

[buffie08]

I have been in a relationship with a married man for over a year. I see him at least 4-5 times a week and have gone with him on business trips. He does so many things that make me think he wants to get caught. He has said he doesn't plan on leaving his wife from the start. When I tell him something we are doing would get us caught, he says "would that be a bad thing?" I don't want to be the cause for him getting caught because I don't want him mad at me. Is there an easy way to let his wife find out so I can see where I stand with this mm?

[pricillia]

I have been in a relationship with a married man for over a year. I see him at least 4-5 times a week and have gone with him on business trips. He does so many things that make me think he wants to get caught. He has said he doesn't plan on leaving his wife from the start. When I tell him something we are doing would get us caught, he says "would that be a bad thing?" I don't want to be the cause for him getting caught because I don't want him mad at me. Is there an easy way to let his wife find out so I can see where I stand with this mm?

 

Buffie,

 

Men cheat for different reasons the thrill of possibly getting caught is one of them. There is no easy way to tell his wife what is going on between the two of you and I don't think that you need to tell his wife to find out where you stand... The only stand that you should take is to tell your mm that it is over as after all he is married and he is betraying his wife.

 

I too was with a married man it has since ended, I am sitll attracted to him as I see him everyday as we work together and I do care about him. But at the same time I care about myself as well and believe that I deserve someone that I have that chemistry with but that I can learn and grow from not someone that returns to his wife and kids at the end of the day.

 

Do you think that you can stop seeing this man and is there anyone else in your life at this time that you would want to be in a relationship with?

[catgirl1927]

I think he wants out of his marriage and you're just a pawn. Once he gets caught, rest assured he will dump you. FAST. I would walk away and find a man of your own.

[2sunny]

Seems like a selfish motivation to me. Only designed to hurt everyone involved!

[pricillia]

Seems like a selfish motivation to me. Only designed to hurt everyone involved!

 

I agree!!!

[MadDog]

I think he wants out of his marriage and you're just a pawn. Once he gets caught, rest assured he will dump you. FAST. I would walk away and find a man of your own.

 

Bad analogy because pawns can be queened at the end game.

[pricillia]

Bad analogy because pawns can be queened at the end game.

 

that is exactly what she would like to happen, to be his queen!!!

[Guest]

My take on it is that if he gets busted;

 

He'll tell his wife, 'She meant nothing to me, I swear'

 

And he'll drop you like a hot potato.

 

Fact is, if he doesn't want to leave his marriage, he won't. Cheaters get caught all the time and they usually do a good job of lying their way out of it.

[MadDog]

that is exactly what she would like to happen, to be his queen!!!

 

No doubt about it. Her conundrum lies in the ability of this guy to treat anyone as his queen.

[pricillia]

No doubt about it. Her conundrum lies in the ability of this guy to treat anyone as his queen.

 

I love that word conundrum... but if she told his wife, I don't think that she would have any chance of being his queen at all...

[nicki]

From my perspective, this is where you stand with the guy:

 

He is using you to either get out of his marriage. (In which case, he will probably dump you and start fresh with someone else.) Or he is using you for whatever he isn't getting from his wife, ie., sex, intimacy, ego stroking, whatever.

 

I feel for you. Sounds like you might love this guy. But make no mistake about it. You are poaching. He is not yours to have. If he was a decent guy, he would get out of the marriage, and then be with you.

 

You deserve 100% of a guy. You are better than someone's mistress. And I hope you are a better person than one who enables a cheater to cheat....are you so sure you would want HIM if he left the marriage. He might do the same thing to you.

 

And you would feel just like his wife does right now, yes?

[Sami_D]

Hello buffie. There's a whole forum here for OW, if you want to take a look. Reading some threads there might help you to make sense of your situation:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f57

 

I have been in a relationship with a married man for over a year. I see him at least 4-5 times a week and have gone with him on business trips. He does so many things that make me think he wants to get caught. He has said he doesn't plan on leaving his wife from the start. When I tell him something we are doing would get us caught, he says "would that be a bad thing?" I don't want to be the cause for him getting caught because I don't want him mad at me. Is there an easy way to let his wife find out so I can see where I stand with this mm?

 

If he says he doesn't want to leave her, but wouldn't mind so much getting caught... you're probably dealing with a MM who isn't that bothered what happens (whatever he says).

 

Sounds to me like one of those MM who get caught a hundred times, leave the W, go back... etc etc... Surprising how often the W in these situations is only too happy to have him back as many times as he bounces... just as the OW will too.

 

If his W 'finds out' about the A... she'll blame you... you'll blame her... blah blah blah... in the middle of it will be a MM who can talk OW and W into anything he likes, for just as long as he likes... Ping ponging about between the two of them.

 

Who needs a man like that? You..?