In Love With A Married Man

[sscr]

I got involved with this guy and we truly loved each other but I was recently divorced and was scared to open up and commit to marriage which caused some problems so I pushed him away due to my fear of marriage at the time. After a year he called me and said that he was getting married and wanted to see me one last time. We met and told me that he still loved me but that he couldn't back out of the marriage due to his family and I still couldn't commit to marriage. Shortly after he was married he called me and said that something was missing from their relationship and that his wife couldn't give him everything physically and emotionally like I could. He has since been married for 6 years and he has continued to have contact with me off and on for those 6 years. They have split up multiple times and he would always contact me then but I still could not open up and commit to marriage or him. It was really hard for me because I did love him but the thought of marriage just literally scared me to death. We started talking frequently on the phone again because he throughout his marriage has always wanted to meet me because he says she can't satisfy him physically but I never would do it because he was married. I finally through time and help worked through my fears of opening up and marriage and I finally admitted my true feelings to him (how I had never stopped loving him) and how I was able to commit to marriage if he ever was single. He said that he still loves me and would love to be with me but that he couldn't just up and leave his wife after she has stood by him when I was being scared. He said that he is not sure if he loves his wife and that she can't satisfy him the way that I could but that he couldn't leave her over that because she has stood by him when I couldn't commit. He said that he tried to get with me everytime they were separated and that I never was interested so I would have to just wait and see what the future holds. He said they may have problems in the future because they have frequently in the past and then he would have a reason to leave but until then he wanted me to show him that I wasn't going back on what I said about the way I felt by continuing to talk and see him from time to time. What do I do? Should I set a time frame to show him that I do love him and that I am not afraid to admit it and go through with anything that comes up because of how I hurt him or do I just tell him that I will always love him and that if he is ever single again to contact me if he wants to try and again? I truly feel like that we are soul mates and that we fullfill each other completely. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I normally don't even give married men a chance but we never stopped contact from before he met her until now.

[swirly27]

I myself have never been in this situation but it sounds to me like he is having his cake and trying to eat some of it too. If you were scared and couldn't commit before, you had valid reasons and why couldn't that just be enough at the time? Did it have to be marriage or nothing? Whatever reason you pushed him away and then contact was initiated again by him, he is the one with the responsibility now because he obviously got married when it wasn't the right thing for him to do.....even if you pushed him away forever, he obviously wasn't emotionally ready to marry her either. He says he can't just up and leave her because she has stood by him all this time - but he'll up and call you and meet you and want to get physical with you and he doesn't seem to think thats bad at all against his wife?? I am just looking at this objectively and he is staying where he is safe but wants to play with you too and you deserve better than that. Don't blame yourself because you were scared and had issues with marriage before.

 

I am going thru a 'mildly' similar situation where I was scared with an ex before and now I am not and its been hard and he is playing games with me too and its hard cause I kept blaming myself that it was my fault and I had missed my chance. But, if they truly love you or care about you, they will understand you being scared, not sacrifice you for it. If he made his choice and married another woman, then so be it, but he is not acting like a good friend to you or a honorable husband to her. I would cut ties with him, you can find someone that you can start slow with and respect and who will not play games. We all can!!

[Guest]

Sounds like he is the one with issues not you. You did not want to jump into something you were not ready for but he apparently did not take his vows seriously. Do you want to be with a person who does not take things like marriage seriously??? He is getting his cake and eating it too!!! You need to stop contact..he is playing you!!!! RUN!!!