BryteNytez Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 My gf last month become friends with this guy at work (we work together). It caused a lot of problems between us. I got jealous because she got over extremely flirtacious with this guy and started to talk to him outside of work. At any rate, I've recently found out that she's been contacting him through all forms of communication she has: AIM, message boards, email and the like. Now she's invited him to come to church. I don't know how to really react to all this. I haven't expressed anything yet but she know something is wrong but I really don't want to say anything until I know for sure what she's up to. She started a fan club for him at work and everything. We tried talking it out before and it lead to me almost dumping her and hurt her. I'm afraid to say anything this time because of what I did last time. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N Damnit why is a high schooler teaching grown adults this? Learn to communicate, don't get in her face and start throwing s*** at her that you want changed and what you don't like. You need to TALK it out like grown adults. Maybe she's not aware its affecting you this deeply. Maybe she has a hint but since you've been repressing it she doesn't really notice. Maybe she's cheating on you. Maybe she's not. By the way, don't be worried about the church thing, chances are they aren't going to have sex at church. In any case, you need to talk this out, try to listen to her standpoint and work out something. If she agrees to stop and then she doesn't. Drop her. Because now she has lied. IF it bothers you alot and she doesn't want to change. Drop her. Because why stay with someone if you don't know they are trustworthy. If she cheats on you, or has and decides to tell you in a hope that you will forgive her. Drop her. Because its not worth dealing with the insecurity of the relationship. If this guy becomes more important than you even as just a friend and she doesn't want to compromise. Drop her. Because as her significant other you shold be...well, segnificant! If you aren't happy in the relationship. Drop her. Because you should be happy in a relationship, not stressed out. Finally, communicate first and then let us know where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 This is what it comes down to my man. If she already has or will fall for this guy, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Personally, I'd dump her. Starting a fanclub for some dude other than me is pretty lame in a 6th grade kind of way. I doubt she'd stand for it if you did the same thing for the hottest female at your work. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 If the roles were reversed, how do you think she would be acting? Starting a fan club for this guy and communication with him outside of work through various devises says a great deal. Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head? Why would your girlfriend be doing this while supposedly she has you as a boyfriend? I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure this one out. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 BryteNytez Let me ask you: Where do you draw the line? This is in reference to your gf, and her flirtacious behaviour. Let me, also, ask you: Do you have any relationship standards? Think about both these questions. If you're truely a guy with a solid back bone, then don't try to kid yourself. Do the right thing for your own good. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 Any relationship between your significant other and a person of the opposite sex (or the same sex as the case may be) that seems too close, probably is. In my case, XW became the best of friends with a guy in our circle, shortly before our wedding. They kept up the "friendship" after the wedding. Every so often they'd have little scraps, she'd comment what an a**h*** he was being. I witnessed one of these; I commented to both of them at the time that they were more like siblings than friends. Fast forward seven years to 2003, and I find out that she was f*cking him at the time. What I'd witnessed was sexual tension. And I was too naive, blind and in love with her cheating a$$ to see what was really going on. Almost ten years have passed since that time, and we're now divorced, and I still see red when I think about that. Learn from my experiences. Don't trust her... something's rotten in Denmark. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryteNytez Posted April 17, 2006 Author Share Posted April 17, 2006 Well the problem is that she IS a flirtacious person. She acts this away around other guys too, but only with him does it bother me. I've communicated with her how much it bothers me. It started to slack off for a couple of weeks but now it's picking back up. If I mention anything I will look like a jealous bad guy. She doesn't see him outside of work but I think that has more to do with conflicting schedules, I'm not entirely sure. She swears there is no feelings between them and if I question her on everything she denies it all and she brings up how much I hurt her when I threatened to break up with her over this once before. This time I've waited on reacting because she knows something is up and I'm hinting at it little by little and she's going nuts, showing me tons of attention, starting to buy me things and trying her best to spend time with me. It's this reaction that's got me wondering what the true deal is. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 Why would you want a girlfriend who is flirtacious with other men? It is demeaning and humiliating to you. Why would you want this? Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 I got jealous because she got over extremely flirtacious with this guy and started to talk to him outside of work. At any rate, I've recently found out that she's been contacting him through all forms of communication she has: AIM, message boards, email and the like. Now she's invited him to come to church. Sounds like more than just a friendship to me. She is acting inappropriate and I would dump her sorry ***. If she is into this guy there is nothing you can do but save your dignity and get rid of her. She will only hurt you more if you put up with this crap. he started a fan club for him at work and everything. LOL I don't mean to laugh but that is bizarre. And yes you should be upset over her acting this way. The only person she should be starting "fanclubs" for is you. Once again I'd suggest dumping. If you dump her you have all the power. She isn't mature enough to be in relationship with. Find another girl. 99% chance she is cheating if not physically, then emotionally. She is buying you crap because she feels guilty. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 How do you think your girlfriend would feel if you set up a fan club for a really hot waitress and communicated with her all the time in various communications modes ( cell phone, instant messaging, email etc)? For a woman do this while in a relationship with someone else clearly indicates she is too immature to understand what a relationship is. I am sorry to say but she is playing you for a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Maybe she's not aware its affecting you this deeply. Maybe she has a hint but since you've been repressing it she doesn't really notice. Maybe she's cheating on you. Maybe she's not. This is where it is confirmed that you are indeed a high-schooler, as they often talk as if they are right, even when they're not. c-o-m-m-o-n s-e-n-s-e So, you think this girl isn't aware that this is effecting her boyfriend? hmm, when i was in HS they expected us to know how to read..heres the second frickin sentence of the damn topic : It caused a lot of problems between us. So, there goes the "she doesnt know its effecting him" unless she was possessed through the whole previous ordeal. Then you have him finding out that after their problem about it, she still was not only talking to him outside of work, but on aim, email, msg boards, etc. Now(and here is where common sense comes into play) you think thats innocent behavior? If my gf gets jealous of another female, i dont begin to go email her and talk to her on aim and msg boards etc. Hell, even with my MALE friends, if i talk to them on aim i dont need to talk them also through email,msg boards, phones, etc. Seems a bit excessive, then i see the fact that she started a frickin fan club for this guy at work? sorry, not innocent either, somethings going on. By the way, don't be worried about the church thing, chances are they aren't going to have sex at church. Huzzah! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts