Should I continue to spend time with him?

[Jen]

I just started seeing S over the last month. At the time I was seeing D, but broke it off once I realized I didn't want to be with him. Then, I was straightforward about my feelings S, who I am currently seeing. He admitted to be dating another girl 1.5 hours away and I told him I would not date/fool around or whatever, while I knew he was seeing her. He ended up breaking up with her the very next weekend. To me, that says he is interested in spending time with me.

 

However, he has also been frank and said he doesn't know what he wants and just wants to have fun dating around. Doesn't want to be in a serious/exclusive relationship.

 

We have been intimate and I like him intensely. Should I continue to see him, knowing he wants to date around or am I setting myself up for heartbreak??? When we're together, it is wonderful, he is wonderful to me. However, it seems like he makes plans with his guy friends days in advance (hanging out/watching football/etc) while he makes plans with me the morning of. Perhaps a couple of times he's made plans with me in advance.

 

Of course we both don't know what the future holds because neither of us are settled into a career yet. (I'm applying to grad school) and he's interviewing out of town soon. I am willing to make a commitment at trying to make this work - though he doesn't know that.

 

Your advice is appreciated.

[BeenThere]

First, commend him for being honest. At least he was up-front about not wanting anything serious right now. He hasn't lied or deceived you...which means he at least respects you.

 

Second, if you enjoy his company, than go ahead and continue to spend time with him, but leave your options open as well. Don't try to force this relationship along too quickly. Take your time getting to know him, and leave yourself the opportunity to meet new people and enjoy your own life as well.

 

And third, if the two of you are in agreement that you will be dating other people, than avoid the sex if it is an issue with you...especially if it is something you feel should be reserved for an *exclusive* relationship. This way there will no regrets later on and you won't feel used or taken advantage of if this friendship does not progress in the direction you hope.

 

The key is to keep your wits about you, and think clearly about every move and decision you make. Don't have sex with someone you are mearly infatuated with than hope (after-the-fact) that it will persuade the other person to make a commitment to see you exclusively. And if casual sex with multiple partners...or sex with someone ELSE who has multiple partners...is not a concern, than it is imperative that you use protection.

 

Decide what you want, than sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your friend. Perhaps you could tell him that you enjoy his company, and would like to continue dating, but that sex is not an option for you at this time. That you've had time to think things through more clearly and while the two of you are seeing other people, that you would rather abstain from sex because of the *risks* involved. Than...if he stops calling...you'll know EXACTLY what your friend is looking for, and be able to make your escape with your dignity and pride intact.

 

Save it, Sister...you're worth the wait!

I just started seeing S over the last month. At the time I was seeing D, but broke it off once I realized I didn't want to be with him. Then, I was straightforward about my feelings S, who I am currently seeing. He admitted to be dating another girl 1.5 hours away and I told him I would not date/fool around or whatever, while I knew he was seeing her. He ended up breaking up with her the very next weekend. To me, that says he is interested in spending time with me. However, he has also been frank and said he doesn't know what he wants and just wants to have fun dating around. Doesn't want to be in a serious/exclusive relationship. We have been intimate and I like him intensely. Should I continue to see him, knowing he wants to date around or am I setting myself up for heartbreak??? When we're together, it is wonderful, he is wonderful to me. However, it seems like he makes plans with his guy friends days in advance (hanging out/watching football/etc) while he makes plans with me the morning of. Perhaps a couple of times he's made plans with me in advance. Of course we both don't know what the future holds because neither of us are settled into a career yet. (I'm applying to grad school) and he's interviewing out of town soon. I am willing to make a commitment at trying to make this work - though he doesn't know that. Your advice is appreciated.