Somebody Explain This

[karnick]

Ok guys, I have been having a lot of trouble lately getting over an ex... let me give you guys the run down..

 

We were going out for almost 3 and a half years, and we started dating january of 2002, senior year of high school. Since then, we were going out during college (somewhat long distance, but were able to see eachother here and there, that was never really a problem).. there were a couple points where we broke up for a good amount of time.. for example, 2 summers ago, we broke up right before the summer started and got back together right at the end....which pretty much led to us being in a year round long distance relationship... then the last summer i worked two jobs, and barely got to see her... so as you can see, we havent had a chance to spend quality time in a while with school, the breakup, and my busy summer...

 

i was looking forward to this summer because we would both be free and be able to spend alot of time together and patch things up, because while we were at school we did a good amount of arguing and whatnot, the distance is what killed us...so i was really waiting for the summer to fix this... she also had a formal planned for Apr 29, 06 for her sorority that i was supposed to go to. Its at a hotel and everybody spends the night there, traditionally. We had big plans for that night...

 

Now about a couple weeks ago, she told me her sorority was going to rent out a bar to raise money. she said all she was doin was working the door.. no problem there... i look on her facebook the next day and i see the typical "omg last night was nuts!' comments from her friends. i felt that was a bit much excitement for 'working the door'.. so after browsing online on her friends online pics, i see she is dancing on the bar in a bathing suit top.. some 'door working' she did huh... let me throw in that me and her have had a very close, tight, and respectful relationship. we dont goto clubs and dance with people of the opposite sex, we dont do that pointless flirty s*** with the opposite sex.. basically, we usually dont act in a way that the other person would mind about if they were watching.. or so i thought...

 

 

now after she lied to me about all that i broke up with her out of anger... i knew this wasnt like her.. so, i really wanted her to 'redeem herself'.. maybe this was unnecessary.. for a couple weeks after that she didnt really do anything 'extra', but she did promise and promise that she would fix it.. im starting to think that whole redemption period was a bad idea.. well one night she went out and was not calling me at all when she promised she would, very weird.. so i freaked out and went throug hher email and stuf... found a couple thins that i didnt like (but maybe shouldnt have made a big deal about)... and from then on she seemed to have to power in this breakup and kinda started laying the law out...

 

 

after the anger blew over it was kinda a 50/50 breakup.. where we both agreed we needed to fix things.. just ONE day she was like ok i want space.. i don want to try to fix this right now, i havent been happy.. wtf? we had our easter break coming up (which is ending today) and we were both home from college, 15 min away.. she didnt want to see me... wtf. the distance is what killed us, i would think we should take advantage of the time to see eachother.. but nope.. she is going to that formal now with a guy friend of hers... should be innocent, but still, they are both single... the formal is 2 weeks from now.. and she really doesnt wanna talk at all, she said we'll see what happens this summer..

 

How do I react to all of this?

What do you think she is up to?

would cutting her off by any chance make her change her mind?

 

I know this was long and this is my first time posting here but as you can see i need the help.. this relationship was explosive and intense.. i need to know where i am at. thanks guys

[MadDog]

Sorry but I think the fat lady just started her closing solo for this opera. You g/f's probably been getting all sorts of pressure from her sorority sisters to dump you and have more fun. She probably bought into it which means there's nothing to be done at this point. All you can do now is move on.

[Mary3]

It sounds like she broke up with you.

 

As for the snooping you do.....going through her emails....going on her web page...spying...its no wonder she dropped you.

 

Sheesh give the girl some space !

[aleatoryd]

What did you expect going through her stuff? Sorry but with this one it's clear there isn't much you can do. Take it as read that it is over.

 

I'll tell you why (so you understand and move on)

 

When people move out of their old lifestyles of

 

"me and her have had a very close, tight, and respectful relationship. we dont goto clubs and dance with people of the opposite sex, we dont do that pointless flirty s*** with the opposite sex.. basically, we usually dont act in a way that the other person would mind about if they were watching.. or so i thought..."

 

Exactly! She got a taste for an exciting life where she is free to enjoy herself with lots of new friends. She can party and make a place for herself within her soronity. She isn't out of control she's just having fun and you aren't a part of this new exciting life.

 

Sorry to spell it out because I hate to see people kicked to the kerb but you need to realise that she is in a totally different world to you. You are the past and she has moved on. What you need to do is stop snooping around peoples private things. She may have been your girlfriend but if the rocket was ready to launch - your actions pushed the countdown button. You shouldn't have read her e-mail that was again invasion of privacy. You freaked out because she didn't call you? The way you acted she has every right to dump you and never see you again.

 

Okay all that was blunt and probably horrible so I'm sorry but it's how people will see it. If she hooks up with another guy at college (like this friend accompanying her to the formal) then you can't do anything about that. You both still swill spend holidays back home. Give her space and work out your own issues. You have a problem with trust. You also need to accept change.

 

Maybe time and her old feelings for you will allow a friendship but don't expect your world to ever be the same. I feel very sorry for you because you made mistakes we all could have done. I hope some good comes out of your situation.