How often do you visit/call in LDR?

[Shandy]

Hi all, my boyfriend and I are in a LDR, distance apart is about a 5 hour drive away. For all you people who are also in an LDR, how often do you visit each other? My bf has only visited me twice in one year, but he calls me several times a day. I'm wondering if this is normal?

[justagirliegirl]

5 hour drive or 5 hour flight?

 

If it was only that, I would visit once a month.

 

Do either of you have plans to move to be closer?

 

My bf is 12,000 miles away. We saw each other 3 times for a total of 5 months together last year.

[Shandy]

5 hours drive.

 

And it's not as if he's too busy either. He has plenty of time to visit. I think he's just lazy.

 

We do have plans to live closer together. He's moving to my city in a few months to be closer to me.

 

I guess I'm posting on here to get an idea of how often boyfriends visit their gfs. I'm starting to think that his lack of visits might mean he's not that into me.

[justagirliegirl]

That isn't all that far.

 

Have you ever been to visit him?

[leopardprint]

If my boyfriend lived a 5hr drive away, I would visit every 2 weeks on the weekends. But I just asked him, and he said he would visit me every 1 to 2 weeks, so I guess we would alternate weekends driving to see one another.

 

Last year we would see each other every 3 - 4 weeks, but that's because he lives a 5hr flight away (AZ to NYC). But now, because of both of our busy schedules, we've only managed to see each other every 3 - 4 months. But during our trips, we've stayed with one another for about a week and a half, instead of just a weekend. We also talk to each other for HOURS every day.

[Elyssa]

My husband and I were in a LDR before we got married. 12-hour total flight time. US - Europe.

 

We saw eachother 3-4 times a year and talked on the Internet alot every day.

 

-E

[luvvedupnyc]

Well i live in the UK and my boyf is in the USA. I saw him last weekend for a few days and he is planning on getting over here in December as this is the first opportunity his work allows. I am hoping to get over in July as I have better holidays at work than he does.

 

We speak for hours online every day, text daily and we try to call each other at least once a week (but the time difference and cost is a problem)

[confusedgeek]

Hmmm.. Our relationship between my girlfriend and me is about 5 months now. She's in asia. I'm in the U.S. A little over 6000 miles in distance. Haven't visited her because of money matters, but planning onto later this year.

 

We talk everyday if not every other day.

We have a blast.

 

- ConfusedGeek

[Scott S]

Gina & I were in a LDR for a little over a year, approximately 100 miles apart.

 

One of us made the drive at least once a week (ususally moi), & we talked on the phone almost every day.

[Cheamps]

I live about 6 hours (driving) from my boyfriend, and we visit each other at least every two weeks. As a result, both of us have gotten into tight money situations, but I really do think it's worth it.

 

You might check out Southwest.com, flying through them is almost always cheaper than driving for me.

[SmoochieFace]

My GF and I are an eleven-hour drive from each other. We visit with each other on all the major holidays and several times in between. Sometimes I'll take extra time off and have *long weekends* with her too.

 

Been going strong for over two years. We will be moving in together by the end of this year.

[PuppyDogEyes]

Hi all, my boyfriend and I are in a LDR, distance apart is about a 5 hour drive away. For all you people who are also in an LDR, how often do you visit each other? My bf has only visited me twice in one year, but he calls me several times a day. I'm wondering if this is normal?

 

Wow, I wish I lived 5 hours away from my boyfriend! He's here right now in the same town with me (he's in college), but when he goes home, he's a depressing 9 hour plane ride away!

 

Is your boyfriend in college or in a situation with not much money? In that case I would say it's pretty normal for the visits to be a little sparse. Visits take planning and fundage, even if it's just 5 hours. Calling you a couple of times a day, Emailing, text messaging, I'd say you're okay.

 

-pde.

[Shandy]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I think the majority of replies agree with what I believe to be healthy in a LDR. That he is not making the effort to come visit me more often should be a warning sign. We've been dating for 8 years now, so maybe he feels he doesn't have to try as hard anymore.

[Butterflying]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I think the majority of replies agree with what I believe to be healthy in a LDR. That he is not making the effort to come visit me more often should be a warning sign. We've been dating for 8 years now, so maybe he feels he doesn't have to try as hard anymore.

Yeah. This is definately not good. I was in an LDR 12 hours (driving) distance. We saw each other once a month until he started cheating. Then the visits were only once every 2 or 3 months.

 

If your man isn't making much effort to see you, there is a problem. Distance doesn't matter. I once dated a man who lived 5 miles a way from me. But I only saw him twice a year because he always had other plans, and was clearly not that into me. Then, I dated another man who lived outside of the US. He visited me 3 times in one year. The man who lived furthest away made more effort to see me than the man who lived closest.

 

When a man is "into" you, he will do almost ANYTHING to have you. He will find a way to see you, touch you, feel you, and love you. You should evaluate how much this relationship means to you. He needs to know that you are not comfortable with the amount of visits you're having right now.

[Scott S]

That he is not making the effort to come visit me more often should be a warning sign.

 

That would be a concern, I beleive.

 

For a LDR to work, there needs to be time spent together, whether in person or on the phone, & there definitely needs to be an understanding that it will not be for an indefinite period of time.

 

Otherwise "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" may evolve into "Out of sight - out of mind."

[aleatoryd]

^^^^ also "familiarity breeds contempt" - 8 years and maybe he just doesn't care any more.

 

I've never had a real LDR (I have lots of girl "friends" around the country LOL! and they all make an effort to keep in touch). My sister moved to Uni this year and she and her b/f travel by train to see each other alternate weekends. I'd say its about 5-6 hours maybe. People in love make the effort. Alarm bells are ringing!

[Shandy]

It's just hard for me to believe because he calls me many times a day. Today, for example, we talked on the phone for over an hour and he told me he loves me several times. He is also going to move to my city in a few months to be closer to me. Everything seems fine except the lack of visits.... but of course, that is a big thing.

[luvvedupnyc]

He's still thinking of you if he is calling you etc.... has he gave you a reason for not being able to visit?

 

I live in the UK and my bf is in the USA... I am planning my second visit over there are my holidays are more frequent than his. He is coming here at Xmas.

 

We talk every day for hours online then one of us calls at the weekend when we're not online, I get a sense of happiness even when there is not talking knowing he's just about either on the phone or online cheers me up .

 

Although I usually get random calls from him during the week when he's got a free minute!!

[justagirliegirl]

Yeah I am a little concerned about my ldr. Yes we are online together nearly every day but I am feeling unloved.

 

There is none of that flirty romantic fun like we used to have.

 

Phone calls seem to be better as at the end when I say I love you he will do his version of I love you. The few times I asked him if he still loved me, he said he did.

 

I have to admit he is much better in person.

 

Then again in the beginning our relationship was all online and he was flirty and attentive etc.

 

I don't know. Should I say something to him about the lack of romance and affection?

[luvvedupnyc]

I think the unloved comes from being away from them.. you have to depend on spoken confirmation of love rather than physical. Which is probably one of the main trys of LDR.

[aleatoryd]

^^^^ Sounds spot on

 

They say 70% of interaction is non verbal i.e. how our body posture etc is so if speaking over the phone is only 30% imagine how little online words are. People need physical connection or they feel cheated and seek substitutes - in this case reassurance online. Thing is sometimes we can't just turn emotions on and off. That would make us fake. I'd judge a person in Real Life and not on their online persona.

[Guest]

I saw this post and it made me do some thinking, my bf is 5 hours away as well and he always says he doesn't want me driving that far because he worried ( he truly is a real gentleman in every sense of the word) but I think that it's ridiculous. I think that he would be happy if I wanted to drive that far to see him and spend time with him. ( He moved to another city recently for his job).

[Shandy]

My boyfriend has given me reason for not coming to visit. In the beginning he said he was too busy, so I tried not to hassle him about it. Now after that period of stress is over, I would say he has more free time than the average boyfriend. The thing is he spends his free time playing computer games. A couple weeks ago he told me he's thinking of visiting me, but his car has troubles and might not make the long trip.

 

His car is a 2001 model, so it's not that old. It probably needs a day of service and will be good to go. If he really wants to see me, he'd spend the effort to take it to the dealership.

 

I live with a friend and her SO drives the 5 hours to visit her every other weekend. It tears me up when he's over and they are giggling in the next room, while knowing it'll be months before my bf comes over again.

[aleatoryd]

Ah computer games. Why didn't you say that in the first place? Women will never come between us men and our computer games!

 

Seriously though - I know it's difficult but comparing your relationship with others isn't healthy. Some people see their S O everyday and it's rubbish. Other's only see each other once a month and it's wonderful. It depends on how much you invest into the relationship. If you still aren't satisfied then you should consider whether your idea of a relationship LD or otherwise is the same as his. Discuss it with him and decide what you want to do about it. Good luck.

[Guest]

Hi all, my boyfriend and I are in a LDR, distance apart is about a 5 hour drive away. For all you people who are also in an LDR, how often do you visit each other? My bf has only visited me twice in one year, but he calls me several times a day. I'm wondering if this is normal?

Me and my guy live a 6 hour flight away from each other, we cant drive because the atlantic is in the way, but we see each other evey 3 months, it is expensive, but we both work extra hours to afford the tickets, if he loved you hed be there more often, or youd be there, if its only a 5 hour drive, id be moving there.