young love

[Eve]

He and I are very young, and we live 3000mi apart. We met last spring at a party where neither one of us knew anybody except for the people who we came with. he was visiting for a week and we spent every day of that week together. we both felt that by the end of his trip, we were in love with eachother, that it was one of those rare, beautiful instant connections. So, we did the long distance thing where he called me about twice a week and we wrote letters and emails and counted the days until he came back during the summer for another visit.

 

we planned this big night of passion, it was both our first times ad we decided to spend the night at the hotel where we met. It was beautiful, and meaningful and I wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. However, when I came home the next day, I found out that my alibi had fell through and my parents went crazy. My step father called his mother, and the two of them discussed the future of our relationship, or rather, the lack of a future. There was two weeks of confusion, and uncertainty of his feelings before we finally broke up.

 

The thing of it is, though, is that everything was great before we got in trouble. It wasn't until his mother started voicing her objections that he decided it was too hard and it wasn't worth it. Now he's saying that he's not in love with me anymore, and that I need to just forget about him and move on. But he still makes attempts to contact me, and when I contact him, he agrees to talk to me. He doesn't want to be friends, he says...but he still wants to share things with me. I'm really confused about what course of action to take. Has his mother had to much say in the matter? Does he really mean what he says, or does he only want to mean what he says? I could use some insight.

[Cynthia]

First of all, the whole situation depends on how young you are. I mean, being 17 is one thing, being 14 is a whole different story. Unfortunately, I can only give limited advice because I don't really know your ages.

 

The thing about youth is that there's always a problem with the "forest for the trees" situation. Many times when we're young we aren't able to take a step back and look at the situation objectively simply because adolescence is a time of, to use a cliche, great turmoil and emotional instability. I'm not talking mental illness here, I'm referring to the huge life-changes that occur between the ages of 12 and 21.

 

I know the pain and confusion you feel are very real and very accute. Depending on your age, though, there really aren't many options. The closer you are to college age, the more options are open to the two of you. Unfortunately, young people are still greatly under the influence of their parents...as long as you live with them and depend on them for support, money, housing, education, you must follow all reasonable requests they make of you.

 

He sounds very unsure of what he wants, which is understandable considering that you are both very young. You have to consider the long-term ramifications of your actions right now. Since contact with him is causing you a lot of pain _and_ he claims he doesn't want any sort of friendship with you, I recommend that you end contact at least for a month or two. The time will allow you to rest and take a step back and try to look at the situation logically and rationally.

 

You're very young and nowhere near the end of your life. Intense feelings engender intense reactions, a hallmark of adolescence, but intensity cannot be sustained for too long. It takes too much energy. If his mother really does have that much say in his life, there's not much you can do. Not only is she a constant fixture in his day to day life, she has been part of his life for much longer than you've known him. There's no judging whether she's had too much say...she's his mother. There's no such thing as too much say to her.

 

In the end, if you two are meant to be together, you will be together. You can't force things to happen that just aren't meant to be.

 

C.

He and I are very young, and we live 3000mi apart. We met last spring at a party where neither one of us knew anybody except for the people who we came with. he was visiting for a week and we spent every day of that week together. we both felt that by the end of his trip, we were in love with eachother, that it was one of those rare, beautiful instant connections. So, we did the long distance thing where he called me about twice a week and we wrote letters and emails and counted the days until he came back during the summer for another visit. we planned this big night of passion, it was both our first times ad we decided to spend the night at the hotel where we met. It was beautiful, and meaningful and I wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. However, when I came home the next day, I found out that my alibi had fell through and my parents went crazy. My step father called his mother, and the two of them discussed the future of our relationship, or rather, the lack of a future. There was two weeks of confusion, and uncertainty of his feelings before we finally broke up. The thing of it is, though, is that everything was great before we got in trouble. It wasn't until his mother started voicing her objections that he decided it was too hard and it wasn't worth it. Now he's saying that he's not in love with me anymore, and that I need to just forget about him and move on. But he still makes attempts to contact me, and when I contact him, he agrees to talk to me. He doesn't want to be friends, he says...but he still wants to share things with me. I'm really confused about what course of action to take. Has his mother had to much say in the matter? Does he really mean what he says, or does he only want to mean what he says? I could use some insight.

[Jenna Pegelow]

Generally someone wouldn't say something unless that's how they feel. BUT his Mom might've forced him into a change of heart. I've been through *something like this*. My ex-boyfriend was crazy in love with me but his Mother put things into his head and now he doesn't speak to me! Well anyway he could just be saying all this to save himself from heartbreak, he could very well be putting these things into his head himself too because he knows theres nothing else he could do. If you really want to know whats up e-mail him or something telling him that you don't have feelings for him like that anymore (even if you do) and #1 he'll get a dose of what it feels like and he might, just might come chasing after you. You could also say you think e-mailing each other is cool with you but you have a "very busy schedule with your boyfriend. friends, cheerleading, school -whatever and you wouldn't have time to talk anyway. And honestly? If he says his Mom doesn't want you too e-mailing each other that would be a cover up because he doesn't want to feel like a jerk when he says HE doesn't want to e-mail you either. And if he says that babe hes soooo not worth it whether he was your first night of passion or not! Look at it this way - you'll have many more who will be more worth it! :-)

 

~Jenna

He and I are very young, and we live 3000mi apart. We met last spring at a party where neither one of us knew anybody except for the people who we came with. he was visiting for a week and we spent every day of that week together. we both felt that by the end of his trip, we were in love with eachother, that it was one of those rare, beautiful instant connections. So, we did the long distance thing where he called me about twice a week and we wrote letters and emails and counted the days until he came back during the summer for another visit. we planned this big night of passion, it was both our first times ad we decided to spend the night at the hotel where we met. It was beautiful, and meaningful and I wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. However, when I came home the next day, I found out that my alibi had fell through and my parents went crazy. My step father called his mother, and the two of them discussed the future of our relationship, or rather, the lack of a future. There was two weeks of confusion, and uncertainty of his feelings before we finally broke up. The thing of it is, though, is that everything was great before we got in trouble. It wasn't until his mother started voicing her objections that he decided it was too hard and it wasn't worth it. Now he's saying that he's not in love with me anymore, and that I need to just forget about him and move on. But he still makes attempts to contact me, and when I contact him, he agrees to talk to me. He doesn't want to be friends, he says...but he still wants to share things with me. I'm really confused about what course of action to take. Has his mother had to much say in the matter? Does he really mean what he says, or does he only want to mean what he says? I could use some insight.